Shattered (Rewrite)
by Timu Sutoomu
Summary: An alternate take on the Evangelion manga starting at volume 9. Rei is the target of Arael's mindrape and this causes a significant shift in the outcome. Doubts, betrayals and discoveries lead the cast to try to change the outcome, but will they succeed in preventing Third Impact? Rated M for language and possible adult themes in later chapters. Rei/Shinji.
1. This broken heart of mine

**Shattered**

Disclaimer: I don't own evangelion, just the DVDs and manga. I don't intend to make any money out of this, and I'm very poor so don't sue me!... Ok that's not true. I'm not poor but I sure as hell can't afford a lawyer.

Author's notes: Hello all. If any dedicated readers remain they must wonder why it took 10 years for me to pick up this piece of fanfiction and start writing it again. To be honest, creativity abandoned me for quite a while as personal matters took up all of my time and energy. Soon life takes over, and as it does, old projects and hobbies are forgotten. Until recently.

I came across the Evangelion manga on my bookshelf and I realized that I was missing the last two volumes. Remembering how completely consumed I was by the series, manga and anything connected to Evangelion my interest was roused once again. I decided to watch End of Evangelion and truth be told I cried my eyes out. Something about this series hits me in my very core. Now, older and a little wiser I find I have a new understanding of this tragedy and its' characters. Remembering the manga's slightly divergent and a little more hopeful story I looked on the internet and found that by now it had been completed. Quickly I bought the last two issues and started reading again. Though definately a different perspective, some things still still bothered me about this story, and once again I bawled like a baby reading the last volumes.

It made me remember the world of fanfiction. That slice of the Evangelion community that could make you escape some of the creator's darkest deeds. I found my old account on this site, read through some of the stories and, though I found them flawed in many ways, I was still somewhat impressed with myself. Sadly I left this story unfinished many years ago, and upon reading through it again I can understand why. Therefore, if there is anyone left that has read what I have written down until now, you will see major changes to the original path I was going to take. Although I hope I don't push any of the old readers away I feel the changes will be for the better.

What I intend to do with this rewriting is to better capture the universe in which Evangelion operates than I did originally, as well as provide a more hopeful message. One thing that makes my heart ache whenever I view or read this series is the dire outcome for many of the characters. Although this will be by no means a happy-go-lucky retelling of Evangelion, I intend to show some mercy to some of its' worlds occupants. I have been, and always will be, an avid Rei and Shinji fan. I find these two characters by far to be the most intruiging, tragic, and wronged in so many ways. Although the original storytelling is brilliant I cannot live with the idea that there is no alternative to them and others in this world than is given to them. Thankfully we have fanfiction. The creators of Evangelion themselves have reinvented this story many times by now, and I see no reason not to reinvent it a little bit myself. I love this series and its' characters and I hope to do it and them some justice.

If anyone is interested in pre-reading this and help me smooth out any errors and give me some pointers on what (not) to do and where to improve that would be greatly appreciated.

* * *

*I have made small edits to this chapter to hopefully better capture Gendo's persona based on some of the points made in _Seeking Professional Help's_ review. Thank you for your honest opinion! Most of this does not dramatically alter this chapter, but there is a significant change within Rei's memory of Gendo during the Angel's mindrape.

* * *

"Onemississipi"

– denotes speech

 _Twomississipi_

– denotes thoughts

 _"Threemississipi"_

– denotes projected speech, may be through a radio but also an alternate voice in a character's mind. Should be clear from context.

* * *

 **Part I: This broken heart of mine**

" _Repeat: level one battle stations! Pilots for evangelion units-00 and 02 proceed to emergency positions immediately! Pilot for unit-01 proceed to cage no.3 and stand by!"_

Shinji and Kaworu stood in one of the NERV hallways as the message blared out of the speakers overhead. "Why must you stand by?" Kaworu asked his future colleague. Shinji turned away from the boy, eyes on the floor. "I don't know… I'd like to ask them myself."

"Hey…" Kaworu said, a strange smile on his face as he did. "…it would be dangerous to leave now, would it not?" Shinji sighed, there was no getting away from the strange boy now. "Yeah, yeah… but you better stick with me okay?... Come on."

Asuka was standing by for launch, seated in her entry plug, the chatter of the bridge bunnies seeping through the communication system. " _Eva unit-02's signal is nominal. VA links nominal. Fusion nominal. Start-up is proceeding."_

"Why does a weapon need a heart…? It'll only get in the way. You're my puppet, so just do as I tell you. I don't care what you feel – just don't defy my orders." Asuka whispered to unit-02, remembering her first encounter with the Fifth Child.

"Asuka…? Are you okay?" Misato asked, overhearing the red-haired girl's words. The redhead responded in anger. "LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M JUST FINE!" Misato left the girl to her thoughts, her eyes widening at the girl's barbed response. _Trying to talk to her might only infuriate her more_ , she reasoned as she looked at the overhead projection displaying the angel in orbit.

Shigeru spoke up. "No sign of re-entry."

"Orbital altitude is stable." Makoto followed up.

"Is it waiting for the right moment to descend?" Misato muttered, more to herself than anyone else. "…No… It's going to strike us from up there." She turned towards Maya and Ritsuko by a console over to her right. "How's Rei?"

The short-haired tech looked up from her console, "Rei… Unit-00… both okay, Major."

"Very well… Rei! Launch! Prepare for ultra-long range fire!" Misato said, returning her view to the screen, the Angel still unmoving. "Unit-02!" She continued. "Prepare to launch as backup!"

Asuka's eyes widened. **"** BACKUP?! ME? For UNIT-00?!..."

"You heard me." Misato retorted.

"I don't BELIEVE this! EVA UNIT-02 LAUNCH!" Asuka yelled for everyone to hear. Immediately she could feel the downward thrust as her Eva shot to the surface. She didn't respond to Ritsuko calling out her name as the Eva catapulted away.

"Fine. Let her go first." Misato said, arms crossed.

"Major Katsuragi!" The Commander's voice boomed from up high. "The Eva's are not toys to be used by petulant children. Get the pilot of Unit-02 in line or abort the launch and ready unit-02 to be reassigned!"

"Y-Yes sir! Asuka you **will** remain as backup for Unit-02 or your pilot status will be relinquished! Do you understand?" _Come on Asuka this is your last chance! Don't let your ego get in the way..._

The Eva shook as Asuka was pushed into her seat from the G-force as she shot up towards the surface. She was seething with anger as the message from the commander came across. Asuka spoke through her teeth, "Yes **sir**!".

A moment later Shinji ran into the operations room with Kaworu, a mix of anger and confusion written all over the boy's face, "Misato! Why am I on standby? I'm the only one not in the fight…"

"Orders Shinji… from on high."

Shinji stiffened as he heard his father speak behind him. "That's correct. Get to your post!"

By now Asuka had reached the surface and was met by an intense downpour. _It's put up or shut up. If I fail here, they'll take away unit-02._ She thought to herself as she brought up her positron rifle, aiming for the angel. _That kid… I know why they brought him here… to replace me._ She thought, the image of they red-eyed, grey-haired boy flashing before her eyes. _No mistakes. Just follow orders, got it Asuka? Don't get into trouble over nothing now._ She inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly to get her breathing and anger under control.

As the targeting reticles slowly moved in to lock onto the Angel, Shigeru reported. "Major. The target is still beyond firing range." Misato's eyes narrowed. "Asuka, hold fire and cover Rei." She turned towards the tech once more. "Unit-00?"

"A few more seconds. The concentrator has started to run! Chamber pressure at maximum. Correcting for earth's rotation... it's ready to fire Major!"

"Rei! Ready to fire!"

"Preparing to-..." Before the pale girl could finish the Angel centered in her sights blinked with a flash of light. A bright beam of blinding light was projected at her, bursting through the clouds. In the command room everyone was locked in place, watching in awe at the view screen before them as alarms blared.

"Rei!"Misato yelled. She turned towards Shigeru. **"** What **is** it?! **"**

The tech's face contorted in confusion as he interpreted the readings on his console, "I don't know! No heat or kinetic reading on the beam!"

"Psychograph erratic!" Maya dropped in frantically. "Contamination in the signal! Her mind… it's under attack!The Angel! It's a mental probe?!"

Unit-00 slowly slumped forward on the visual as Shinji looked on in terror at the unfolding situation, muttering the name of the pilot under assault, "Ayanami…" The grey-haired boy spoke up before Shinji could say anything else, still that strange grin on his face. "Well. Things are getting interesting." Shinji's head whipped around, his eyes meeting Kaworu's. He immediately grabbed the boy by the collar just about ready to hit him in the face. "INTERESTING?!"

"QUIET! THAT'S AN ORDER!"

* * *

The unrelenting pressure nearly drove her mad. Feeling as if she had swum too deep Rei's eardrums felt like they were about to burst. Gritting her teeth she raised her rifle and centered the Angel in her sights, the targeting computer still standing by for the shot. A bright beam emanated from her rifle and pushed through the clouds as she squeezed the trigger. It connected with the Angel's AT field but simply split and bounced off. More chatter cut throught the command channel in response.

" _No effect! The AT field is too strong to be penetrated at this range!"_

" _The concentrator is recharging but we have no more available power at our disposal... This is all we've got to throw at it!"_

 _"What the hell is that beam?!"_

" _It's… it's registering like an AT field… but it's energy is concentrated in the visible range!"_

" _How's Rei?!"_

" _Bad! Mental contamination now into Y-mode!"_

For a moment Rei fell into bliss as the pressure fell away. It was short-lived. A second later she let out a blood-curdling shriek that pierced the command channel. Her hands released the controls as she quickly attempted to shield her eyes from the blinding light, Unit-00 mimicking her movements as the rifle fell unceremoniously from the building it was positioned on. It was no use. The light imprinted on her psyche as the Angel probed her thoughts and memories. Images started pouring into her mind and a sharp pain, like a thin blade, slipped deeper and deeper into her thoughts. She whimpered under the unrelenting attention.

The Angel whispered unintelligibly as it crept into her mind. She was suffocating. The angry face of someone she vaguely recognized, someone reminiscent of doctor Akagi, filled her vision. The excruciating pain as the woman's fingers wrapped around her neck, her thumbs crushing her larynx, was only surpassed by the absolute terror she experienced in that moment. Just before she blacked out she heard her speak. "We have replacements for **you** if you die..."

 _How does it feel to be replacable?_

Shivers crept up the back of her neck as the intruder waved away any block she could muster to put up. The blackness transformed into a sea of orange. Before her stood a familiar form as her vision came into focus. The figure stood waist deep in LCL, the scent was unmistakable. It was she, but younger. Eyes blocked by blue locks as she held her head hung low. Drops glistened in the light of the distant setting sun as they fell from behind her bangs and hit the LCL. _"Do you wish to become one with me?"_

"Who are you?" Rei inquired through the choking sensation.

 _"I am you..."_

Her pained expression now mixed with one of confusion. "That cannot be. I am me."

The figure remained unmoving _, "Yet I am you... I am you as you are me. Together we are whole..."_ She paused as she looked up with a sad smile, tears still streaming down her face. _"Do you wish to become whole once more?"_

Rei's eyes widened in shock as a sense of revelation hit her. She could feel the presence of the Angel invading her mind but it was distinct from the presence before her. Like an old belonging long since lost found again. She couldn't help herself as she whispered in response, "Yes..."

Shocked at her own admission she gasped. _Whole? Am I not whole? Is that the emptiness I feel?_

Her younger self continued as her voice and that of the Angel blended into one, " _You do not remember? You do not know you are the second? You do not know that you will die and live again, die and live again, and again, and again when_ _ **he**_ _wishes?"_

 _ **He?**_ _C-Commander Ikari...?_

 _"You are his tool to be used and discarded when he so desires. He will not let you die. He will take you apart, use you up as he sees fit. He created us, you must know_..." It was a statement, not a question.

The memory of the failed reactivation test came to mind as she processed the words of the presence before her. Had he not come to her to make sure she had been safe? Putting himself in harms way. He had burnt his hands to open the plug's hatch.

Picking up her thoughts, reading them as they presented themselves to Rei, her mirror image responded, _"Only because your use had not yet run it's course. He will discard you when the time comes."_ The child stopped herself for but a moment. _"You know this... don't you? That you are the second?"_

"Y-Yes..."

 _"Yet you do not remember?"_ Rei gasped in pain as her counterpart plucked a memory out of her subconscious mind's depths, _"You do... Let me show you..."_

Rei blinked against the brightness, her eyes unfocused and stinging at the new sensation overcoming her. Her vision was blurred, but gaining clarity. She could recognize a shape in front of her, becoming clearer now. A young girl. Her as a young girl. Her reflection on the glass before her, around her even. She floated in LCL and a muffled voice filtered through the transparant barrier and the orange liquid.

"Yui." _Yui?_ Her eyes focused on the source of the sound. Behind her reflection, outside the glass stood a man hunched over, forearm resting against the glass as he leaned into it. The other arm hung limp by his side, a pair of glasses she recognized pinched between his fingers. The Commander's head hung low and she could not discern his eyes. She could see his shoulders tighten and rise with a sharp intake of breath, as if steadying himself. The breath released.

"This will have to do for now..."

The hand with the glasses came up and thumped lightly against the transparent tube as he laid it against it, the spectacles' frame ticking on the glass as it dangled from his fingers for a moment. His head came up and he looked at her with hardened eyes. A smile formed on his lips as he regarded her, his eyes mostly blank, focused not truly on her but somewhere far away as he spoke her name for the first time.

"Rei..."

The memory faded as Rei was bombarded with images of the face of the Commander smiling at her. That smile. Not for her. Fake. _"Like you..."_

"S-stop. Don't... Don't make me see this..." Her voice dropped as the last words left her mouth, her face scrunching up in pain as another memory was picked apart.

Her eyes were closed as she heard a man speaking some distance from her, "The transfer is complete. It is fortunate we were able to salvage her after all this time. We still haven't been able to keep her from falling apart."

Her eyes fluttered open as she regarded the pair standing over some machinery to her side, backs turned towards her. Looking around she found she was laying on a bed in a room not unlike her own apartment. The room she had spent the first years of her life in deep inside Terminal Dogma.

Another voice followed the man's in response, this time female, "Hmm, indeed. We will have to see if the core prototype will accept the remains..." A pause. "...and if she'll be able to sync once it's done. Judging from doctor Sohryu's _work_...", Some extra emphasis was placed on that last word as the woman continued, "...it looks viable. Her memories might not be complete after the split. But perhaps that's all the better." The pair turned to look at her and she could no longer deny their identities. "Ah, she's awake".

* * *

Asuka looked at the blue mecha writhing around in what seemed to be excruciating pain, a sense of sympathy eating away at her as she heard the shrieks coming from the usually stoic girl. _What is happening to her?_ "Misato! What do I do?!"

The bridge techs and command seemed completely unable to respond to the situation as Asuka looked at Unit-00 breaking under the Angel's pressure not much more than a mile away. She estimated she could be there in under half a minute, if only they would give the order. "Orders!?" She yelled through the comms but got no response. "Wondergirl, get the hell out of there!" No response from the blue haired girl either. "Fuck this! Let me take the shot!"

Having no better idea Misato finally responded in agreement, "Go ahead, Asuka!" Not waiting a second longer the redhead let the target reticles center and squeezed the trigger. A ball of pure energy left the rifle, dispersing the clouds for miles as it travelled through them and towards its' target. It fell just short of the Angel.

" _Positron beam track… no good! Target is still out of range!"_

* * *

Gendo held his cool facade as he watched the situation onfold before him, internally assessing and dismissing a number of scenario's. _Perhaps halting Unit-02 was mistake. No matter... all we can do at this point is move forward._ This was an unfortunate but not unexplored scenario. Weighting a number of options he looked at his son from his position up high. _This is an opportunity._

He leaned closer to Fuyutsuki, "The Third Child has seen what's in Terminal Dogma, no?" His former sensei nodded and grunted in the affirmitive without further thought on the question, his mind entirely occupied by the dire situation of the two pilots on the battlefield.

Resuming his position Gendo called out towards the Third Child, "Shinji! Get to Unit-01 immediately and start making your descent to Terminal Dogma." His son didn't waste a moment and dashed off to the Eva. His mentor's gaze snapped to him in shock, "Ikari! You don't mean to...!?" Fuyutsuki demanded as what Gendo asked him just a moment before clicked in his mind. His voice dropped to a whisper, "...to use the Spear? The old men will never accept this."

"The Angel is too far to penetrate by positron beam and it won't close in for it's field to be negated by an Eva's. It's the only way. We have to save her before we are too late." He directed his attention to the personel on the bridge. "Open a private channel to the Third Child as soon as he's on the move." One of the bridge bunnies called out an affirmitive, "Yes sir!"

Fuyutsuki turned once again to his former student, "Ikari, isn't this too soon?" Gendo smirked underneath his tented hands covering his face, responding without hesitation, "We can't turn the clock back, but we can move the hands forward. SEELE has started mass production of the Eva series. This is our chance to even the playing field. This is an opportunity..."

Waiting while the young boy entered the purple war machine and proceeded with the startup the bespectacled man leaned his head slightly towards the one-time professer at his side again, presenting an ulterior motive for his decision, "Rei is too valuable. We must prevent the Angel from contaminating her mind." His glasses shifted down his nose slightly as he peeked at the screen integrated in his personal desk showing the Third Child getting into his entryplug. "We cannot accept the loss of Unit-00 at this point, and replacing Rei now would be unfortunate. Unit-01 can act the soonest."

The older of the pair didn't look away from the view before him as he spoke, "And you're willing to risk Yui for this?" Gendo grunted dismissively, "Believe it or not, I have faith in my son."

From below the techs reported the status of the purple Evangelion, "Startup procedure for Unit-01 is complete Commander! Private channel is open!"

The image of the young Ikari popped up on his personal console. Resuming with a semi-hushed tone Gendo talked to Shinji as he made his way towards the shaft leading down to Terminal Dogma and the white giant held within the LCL plant, "I know you have seen what's down below in Terminal Dogma." Shinji tensed as a pang of fear shot through his heart, feeling somehow like he had been caught in a crime. _Father knew?_

Reading his son's stunned reaction he continued unabated. "What you see there is for your eyes only. There will be a weapon. You will recognize it immediatly. Take it and bring it, do you understand?" A moment of silence reigned as Shinji overcame the shock he felt. " **Shinji** , you have to help Rei. Do you understand?" The commander repeated with extra emphasis on the boy's name as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose while he spoke. "Y-Yes, father". The pilot internally finished his sentence, _Anything to help her._

The smirk underneath the folded hands did not go unnoticed to the grey-haired subcommander, looking at his superior from the corner of his eye. A slight frown crossed his face at the seated man's subtle manipulation.

* * *

Shinji had reached the entrance to the shaft that led deep underground. A cable with a step at the end large enough to fit an Evangelion's foot indictated that this shaft was made specifically for the giants to pass through. Without further thought the boy pilot took hold of the cable, shoving his feet in the foothold in a single motion. The large gate underneeth his feet opened up with a metallic crack. The giant mechanics screetched as they moved the heavy weight of the doors. Slowly the lift he stood on started descending, passing the doors and down into the shaft.

The journey downward gave the young boy some time to think. Why was this _thing_ being kept down there. Misato had told him to forget what he saw, and although he had put it deep down in the recesses of his mind he had not been able to forget. _Is this why Kaji dissapeared?_ He thought, remembering finding the pony-tailed man a few months back while following Misato. _Did father have him killed...?_ _And Misato, is she in danger?_ The end of the shaft was in sight, the bottom of the dark pit he was descending into coming up below him. _Father, what are you involved in?_ With that, the descent ended, and Shinji pushed any further thoughts away.

He stepped his purple Eva into the dark and cavernous room as the immense doors fully opened to reveal its' contents once more. The white figure was still hanging silently from the giant red cross like it had when he saw it before except now a long and two-pronged spear stuck through it's chest. _This must be the weapon father mentioned._ Shinji thought as he stepped forward into the LCL lake below the giant being, noticing that the origin of the LCL in which he stood was the giant itself. _Like blood._ Reaching up he clasped both hands around the shaft and pulled the Spear from it's chest. _That's why it smells like blood._

Repressing any further thoughts and questions he stepped back on the crane that had brought him down. With one hand on the cable and another clasping the weapon to his chest he was hauled back to the command level. The travel to the surface appeared to be agonizingly slow. _Rei... please hold on a little longer. I'm coming to help you._ The pained gasps coming from the girl filtering through the internal communications channel in his plug made his heart sink.

It was not like the battles that had passed before now had not been accompanied by his fellow pilot's physical trauma, but there was something more vile and violating about what Rei must have been experiencing now. As if to press that thought home another yelp and scream filled his plug. _God what is going on... Please don't let me be too late!_ He thought to himself as his hands clenched the grips of his controls while his Eva mimicked the move with its' giant hand around the Spear.

* * *

 _Shit... now what am I supposed to do._ More shrieks filled the redhead's cockpit as the Angel violated the blue mecha's pilot. _I've got to do something! They should've let me go first damnit!_ Asuka's mind scrambled, knowing deep down there was nothing she could've done differently. _That... that could've been me..._

A murmer from the girl under assault drifted through the radio and into her plug. _"Please... don't make me remember."_ A sense of fear filled Asuka's heart as she imagined what the Angel might dig up from her mind if she had stood in Rei's situation. She was grasping for a strategy and found her mind blank, only reminding her of her failures to fight the previous Angels.

"For fuck sake!" She yelled as she threw her positron rifle to the side and swept the thought from her mind. The giant weapon crashed into the high-rise beside her and lodged itself within it like an axe in a tree trunk. She might not be able to attack the Angel, but maybe she could at least help her fellow pilot in need.

"I'm... going to try something!" Asuka yelled as she twisted on her feet facing the brightly lit silhouette of her fellow pilot's EVA in the distance. With all the strenght she could muster she sped towards the beam of light and its' target, the pavement under her feet breaking under the strain with every step, throwing chunks of concrete around the city streets.

"Asuka no! Pull back or you'll get attacked as well!" Misato yelled as she viewed the red EVA thundering towards Rei with incredibly speed.

"Fuck that! I gotta help wondergirl!" Using her momentum and EVA's massive weight she launched herself shoulder first at Unit-00 in a desperate attempt to push it out of harm's way. A mere second before impact and confident about her EVA's trajectory she initiated the emergency ejection of her plug. As the two giants collided with a tremendous clash her plug shot out of harm's way and into the distance.

* * *

The strange and painful blend of emotions and sensations ran through her like water through a siff. The distinction between her mirror image and the Angel was almost gone, the only indication that both were present the duplicate voices whispering in her mind. The recollections being pushed to the surface of her consciousness both familiar and unfamiliar. In her mind's eye Rei was inside the plug looking out towards the observation deck during the Unit-00 activation test. But it was not her looking out. She saw herself as if looking over her own shoulder through the entryplug's interior. As the technician's voices echoed she vaguely remembered the strange sensation that crept down her spine.

 _"Counting down to the absolute borderline... 1.0... 0.9... 0.8... 0.7..."_

The impression now coursing through her was not her directly own but resonated through her as if she had produced it herself. The countdown continued on, _"0.5... 0.3..."_ In front of her in clear view stood Commander Ikari and in the back a figure dressed in a labcoat. The top of her body was obscured in darkness making her oddly reminiscent of the figure that had stood over her with hands around her neck _._ Her neck muscles cramped up as a presence took hold of her as her heart ran ice cold. _"The pulses are flowing backward!"_ A sense of desperation and resentment filled the entirety of her being as the Eva lurched forward.

Her younger self's and Angel's duplicate voices echoed through her mind as the visual memory of her in EVA going berserk faded to black. "This is you inside Eva. That is me. The connection you seek with the world only available to you through Eva. That which is replaced by the loneliness that now occupies your broken heart."

The memory of Shinji and Rei waiting just before the fight with the fifth flashed by her mind's eye. "Why do you pilot it?" The boy had asked tentatively as he peeked a look at her. Rei responded not to the boy but to the Angel's statement as the memory faded. "It is my link" The words quietly slipped past her lips in regretful agreement.

 _"Is this what it feels like to be unloved? Is this when you realized?"_ The Angel inquired as it plucked another memory from her mind.

"What's going to happen to him...?" She asked as she looked up into the elder Ikari's eyes, trying to look for something hidden behind those glasses to be evoked by his son's absorption into the purple Eva, yet finding none. Her heart sank a little as he replied, his hand reaching up and a concerned look crossing his face, "It may be that only Eva knows for sure."

The sinking feeling was replaced by shock as his hand touched her face. Without thinking she brushed it away, the shock apparent on her face. " _You knew that it wasn't for you. Just as you knew that his heart did not go out for his son. In that moment you felt as empty as the soul behind his eyes. A reflection of his heart. In that moment you knew he would discard and disregard anything... anyone... to be with who was truly on his mind."_

Once again a sensation of choking overcame her. The pressure on her neck relented and fell away suddenly. Mumbled words that she couldn't quite understand reached her ears as she regained her breath. Ritsuko stood with her face turned away, a hint of disgust and shame present in her voice, "Don't... don't forget to watch your mouth, Rei. I'm the one that keeps your body alive."

This memory was definately her own.

 _"How does it feel to be disposable?"_

"No... Not to him...", Rei whispered in timid defiance.

"Just!?" Shinji yelled, the scene changing once again. "Put cold water on it!" He almost yelled as he yanked her arm towards the sink.

 _How does it feel to be worthless?_

Tears flowed across the blue eyed boy's face. "Dummy… **that's** not it! I'm crying because I'm **happy** … happy that you're alive."

He valued her. When he decided to leave after the fight with the 8th Angel, after Suzuhara was killed, she had felt a void. Like the only small light in the darkness had gone out. That part of her that reminded her of her loneliness at the same time showing a capacity in her she had not for a long time been aware of.

 _How does it feel to be heartless?_

Was she heartless? What had she felt when she battled the 9th? She wanted to make sure Shinji would never have to pilot again after the death of Suzuhara. She had failed to destroy the Angel in her desperate attempt, suicidal even, to take it out. When she woke up in the hospital to find herself alive and Shinji victorious though taken into itself by the test model she had felt torn. _Am I heartless to have wanted him for myself? I... I was relieved to have him return even though it pains him so to pilot Eva._ She had prayed to the purple behemoth to return him to her and it had answered. She was thankful that she could see him again.

The last time she had seen him had been in the park in the Geofront. _He let me hold his hand and... and I felt... I felt..._

A massive crash shook the entirety of her dreamworld as the scene inside her mind blinked out of existence.

When she looked up she was in the entryplug again, the Angel's relentless assault seemingly over. Her EVA lay sprawled out over the pavement, an apparently immobilized Unit-02 on top of her. The voice of the Angel nowhere to be heard.

A splitting headache from the Angel's relentless violation of her mind melted into the disorientation from the crash. Her eyes rolled as her vision faded from black to blurred to black again. Though thankful that the intense pain was over she found herself somehow regretting the break from her dreamstate, a connection to something deep within she had not thought herself capable of severed. A nightmare that nevertheless revealed some deeper insight into herself. Just before she blacked out entirely she saw the silhouette of the horned EVA in the distance, the Lance of Longinus raised above it.

"Ikari-kun"

* * *

The platform that was raising Shinji to the city's streetlevel flooded with light as the doors above him opened. A moment later a loud **clank** adjoined by a firm jolt throughout his body told him that he'd reached the surface.

"Unit-01 has surfaced!" Maya called out as hushed voices started filling the bridge.

Kaworu's eyes narrowed at the sight of the Lance as he wondered. _Do they truly dare to use it without orders?_

"This procedure wasn't in the manual", Maya whispered to Makoto who responded in an equally hushed fashion, "We just have to do as we're told..."

 _That's the Spear!_ Misato realized, amazed that the Commander would take such a risk. She spun on her heels facing the Commander but held her tongue as she gazed up at the two figures towering above her. Swallowing her objections she turned back to the view on the screen. _Another lie... It was always a lie... If contact between an Eva and Adam didn't risk Third Impact than what caused Second Impact?_

Shinji stepped off the lift and raised the Spear over his head. His heart pounded so hard he would have been afraid it would leap out his chest had he had the time to actually think about it. _No time to waste..._

"Confirm target. Correcting for errors".

The target reticles slowly started to converge, and he could feel the Spear of Longinus twist and deform in his hands.

5 seconds.

4…

The Spear finally finished it's metamorphosis, from Spear with two pointed prongs to a thin lance.

3…

He braced his feet on the pavement as he stretched his arms, ready to hurl the Spear at the Angel.

2…

Using all the force he could find in himself he brought the Spear forward, directed at the Angel, and hurled it towards the target.

1…

The Spear had left his hands, only visible for a mere second before it tore through the clouds, dispersing them for miles, leaving a clear sky.

" _Target destroyed! The Spear has left earth's atmosphere and gravitational force!"_

" _Recover the pilots, return units 00 and 01 to their cages and start a salvage operation for unit 02!"_

* * *

He ran. He ran as fast as he possibly could. He had been running from the moment he jumped out of his entry plug. His clothes were still damp from the LCL, leaving a trail of the liquid behind him as he sprinted through the hallways. He was soaked and reeked of blood but he didn't care. All he wanted was to see Rei again. A recovery team had been sent out to resque Asuka but they had not yet returned. When he had finally reached the Nerv infirmary and skidded to a halt at the registration desk he panted heavily as he spoke to the young woman behind the desk. "…Where… is-" He took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. "miss… Ayanami?"

The nurse looked up over the rims of her glasses from behind her computer screen. "She's been taken to room 142 on the second floor, but you're no-… HEY!" She yelled after him as he ran off, not allowing her to finish.

He halted at the elevator, pushing the button repeatedly to call the elevator down. Not satisfied with how long it was taking he spun around, his shoes squeaking on the linoleum hospital floor as he did so, and ran up the stairs _. 142… 142… 142…_ He mentally repeated to himself as he ran past the rooms. Turning left into a corridor, he spotted Misato and Ritsuko down the hall.

His run slowed down into a jog the last few yards having expent all his energy, his side aching from the full on sprint he had maintained. As he came up to them he bent down, hands on his knees, taking in deep breaths. Ritsuko held him back. Calmed down just enough he spoke, "How is she?..." Sucking in enough air through his nose to continue as he stood up straight, "Can I see her?..."

"She's alive but you can't see her right now. She's being examined. You'll only get in the way." Ritsuko said with a slightly annoyed look on her face. She turned but halting at the room's entrance as the young boy spoke up, "But... but I just ran all the way to see her… please can't I come in for just a second? I won't get in the way, I promise."

"Shin-…" The blonde doctor started. "Ritsuko… just let him in for a second, to calm his nerves?" Misato interrupted her. Ritsuko turned towards Misato staying silent for a moment, then said, "No… come back tomorrow."

He stepped forward slightly, not registering the doctor's words at all as he caught a glimpse of the blue-haired girl surrounded by hospital staff. She was sitting up in the hospital bed, clearly awake with no visible injuries. She looked around and responded to the doctors and medical assistents around her. Briefly their eyes met as Rei looked around the room, quickly averting her gaze away from his concerned look. There was a tenseness around her eyes that he had never seen before on her face.

Before he could think anymore about it he was shoved away from the doorway by Misato who had picked up on the boy's reaction to seeing his fellow pilot. _This isn't doing him any good, s_ he winced internally as she pushed the boy out into the hallway, kneeling in front of him. "I'll take you home alright? Rei's in good care." She thought as she stood up and started to walk down the hall only to be stopped by the unresponsive boy.

She wasn't going to let Shinji leave on his own in this state. _God I have so much to do still, but Shinji's in a bad way._ She looked at the boy by her side with concerned look on her face and gave a tug on his arm, snapping him out of his daze and leading him away from the room. She sighed internally. _I'm going to pull an all nighter anyway._ The walk through the hospital and out towards the car park proceeded in silence, both lost in thought.

They stepped into the car and drove off. Trying to get the boy out of his downtrodden mood she started talking. "Shinji... Rei's in good care. Asuka managed to help her, and you saved her in the end!" The boy didn't respond, just staring out of the window as they drove. "Asuka's back too. The retrieval team got her back to NERV and she was OK when I saw her." That was only half true. She wasn't hurt physically, and she hadn't been assaulted by the Angel, but she was in a rotten mood. _She wasn't happy with being held back... surely she must understand that it would've been her in the hospital if it that hadn't been the case..._

A long time of silence passed between the two as Shinji just kept looking out the window. Looking without taking in the familiar scenery, his mind preoccupied. _She looked distraught._ "Ayanami's not OK", he mumbled more to himself than to his guardian sitting next to him in the driver seat. She gave him a short glance but didn't respond. It would probably not do any good she knew from experience. Whenever he was this despondent it was hard to snap him out of it.

Stealing another glance at the boy he was visibly pulled deeper into his depressed state. He was still gazing out the window with a sullen look on his face, slouching down deeper into his seat. "Shinji…" Misato spoke up. "Everything will be fine", she said unsure if she really believed that herself.

"How can you say that Misato!? You saw her, didn't you?" He snapped, squinting his eyes closed to stop himself from crying, the lump in his throat making it difficult to speak. He returned his stare out the window, not feeling like continuing the conversation. _How can she say that to me… I know something's wrong. I know it. That look on her face..._ He looked at Misato's reflection in the window. _How can she tell me everything's alright... Even Mister Kaji's gone. She keeps up this happy face when I'm around her… but I've heard her crying. I don't know if he's dead… but… from what I've learnt from him..._ He interrupted his thoughts for a moment, letting out a shuddery breath.

"We're here…" Misato announced as she parked the car in front of the apartment entrance. She turned towards Shinji, laying a hand on his shoulder in the process. "Get some rest Shinji… tomorrow you can go see her and Asuka. I'm going back to NERV, I have a lot of to take care of still. I'm sorry I have to leave you alone right now." Only giving a small nod as an answer he got out of the car and headed for the apartment.

Misato drove back over the mountain road to NERV HQ as the events of the day rolled through her head. The sun was setting in the distance, painting a serene picture of Tokyo III in the valley. Misato was too lost in thought to notice, even just driving on automatically. Now that she was alone for a moment there was time to think.

The use of the Spear of Longinus had revealed another lie to her. S _econd impact wasn't caused by contact with Adam. What else is the Commander keeping from us? How much does Ritsuko know of all this?_ She knew more than she let on, she had intricate knowledge of all NERV's goings on. _She has been my friend for years, but I'm starting to realize I'm just a pawn in a greater game. Kaji, what else will your data reveal._ She would have to dig deeper once she got back home, but right now she had a lot of work to do.

* * *

 _How does it feel to be heartless...?_

 _How does it feel to be disposable...?_

 _"Fake... Like you..."_

The room lit up brightly for a moment. The light was visible through her closed eyelids, waking Rei from the medication induced slumber as the memories echoed in her mind. The streak of light moved across the room all the while decreasing in brightness as she opened her eyes. She found her heart racing. She kept her eyes trained on the ceiling trying not to recall the events of the day. It must have been some time since the medical staff had left the room. It was dark outside and the room was painted in patches of blue.

The soft murmuring of the medical machinery floated through the air as she lay motionless, her entire body tensed up, like a child scared to wake the monsters under the bed. A movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention. It was the second child standing in the doorway. She had never been on friendly terms with the abrasive and overly talkative redhead, but she was somehow relieved to see her now. She returned her gaze to the ceiling, a shuddery breath passed her lips as she remembered her dream. _I have never dreamed before._

Quiet footsteps approached her and stopped beside her. "I could hear you from across the hallway you know..." _Wow... what's with her?_ Asuka thought as she looked at the girl before her. _There's something different about her. The Angel really did a number on her..._ The bedridden girl didn't respond which normally would've annoyed the redhead, but she couldn't find the usual spite with which to adress the girl this time. She looked over still form before her, noticing the firm grasp in which she held the blanket, knuckles whiter than usual from the tension. "Can't you move?".

Rei turned her head to the blue-eyed girl, her neck was rigid and shuddered as she did. She parted her lips to speak but nothing came out. Asuka decided to break the silence after a moment, her voice quieter than usual, "I'm... sorry I couldn't help you." She swallowed audibly, again getting no response. Trying to get a reaction from the girl she tried an insult, though her voice didn't hold the same venom as usual, "Come on now, I know the doll can speak..." That had worked before. It did, though not as intended. The azure-haired girl looked away and finally spoke softly, "You we're right... about me..." The redhead's face dropped at the admission as the girl turned away from her and pulled her legs up into a fetal position.

Anger welled up in Asuka as she grabbed the girl by her shoulder and pulled her back onto her back, "Don't go all Shinji on m-...", she broke off unprepared for the expression on the blue-haired girl's face. Letting go of her she stepped back from the bed. _Is she going to cry?_

Taking another step backwards, determining whether to flee the room at the possibility of an emotional outbreak from the girl in the bed, she was stopped by the quiet girl's voice, "Major Katsuragi..." She was barely audible, making Asuka lean in a little bit. "...told me that you attempted to help me. Why...?"

 _Why?_ Asuka grit her teeth at the memory. "Well... that baka was taking his sweet time. It didn't help much. Off course the big hero dispatched the Angel in the end."

"No. Why would you save me? I am..." Her voice dropped even lower. "...but a puppet."

This infuriated Asuka even more. If there was one thing she couldn't stand it was a display of weakness. Especially from the person in front of her who had, as far as she was convinced, shown outright disdain for her in the past. "Now look. If you wanna go and feel all sorry for yourself you can do it alone." Huffing in anger she swung around, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she marched towards the door.

"Get some rest, First." Any sense of sympathy was now gone. With that she closed the door and left leaving the blue-haired girl alone.

Walking down the corridor back to her own room her anger was building. _She can wallow in self-pity for all I care. At least when she was acting stuck-up I could respect her. I can't stand this! Guess that's what I get for trying to be magnanimous..._ "Thank god I get to leave tomorrow." She whispered to herself as she pushed the door to her room open. "Even if it means having to see that baka again..."

Willing herself to calm down she sat on the edge of her bed. She was failing at that, intrusive thoughts finding their way to her. _Once again that... that wimp outdoes me. I take action and he gets all the credit._ Through grit teeth she whispered, feeling like she was about to explode. "I **hate** this... I hate **them**. But mostly... I..." The anger dissipated as she forced that final thought down into the recesses of her mind.

 _My sync ratio is slipping..._ She had always held herself up by being part of the elite. Being a pilot had given her purpose, she had trained for it all her life. _I'm being outdone by a complete amateur. I couldn't destroy the seventh on my own, and that idiot managed to beat me to the eighth._ She thought, remembering the battle with Sahaquiel. Worst of all, he had held the Angel at bay on his own for quite a while before she and Rei had been able to catch up. Not to speak of her fight with Zeruel which had downright humiliated her. _I wasn't able to do a thing..._

All this culminated in the battle of today, she realised as she laid back on the bed staring at the ceiling. She had experienced something she had not with any of the Angels until now. Her impotence in the previous fights, her inability to handle things on her own had her scared. _I'm nothing but a coward._ She had been scared today, genuinely fearing what the Angel was capable of. _I couldn't even get myself to stay in Eva to fight..._ She could feel her eyes begin to water as she tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat. _And I can't even face myself..._ She pressed her eyelids closed hard. _No... I promised myself I'd never cry again._

* * *

Shinji couldn't sleep, his mind kept wandering to the two girls in the NERV infirmary. He tossed and turned, but he couldn't shake the feeling of dread he felt. He'd thrown his SDAT player to the side some time ago, it having failed in relieving the burden on his spirit. He got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, only too aware of the emptiness of the apartment without Asuka or Misato.

He hadn't spoken to Asuka yet but judging from her mood lately as well as previous experience she probably wasn't too happy with him. He wanted to be her friend so badly, her strenght like a crutch to him, but all he seemed to be able to do was infuriate her. _I just don't understand her._ He took a look in the mirror, just standing there looking at his own face. _I feel so useless..._ Tired of the sight of himself he walked to the kitchen.

He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with tap water, then gulped it down in one go. As he turned around, ready to return to his room, he saw his cello standing in the corner of the living room. He slowly moved over and picked it up along with the bow. _I haven't played in a long time… It might work…_ He took a chair, put it down in the middle of the room and took a seat.

Without thinking he started playing Bach's Cello Suite nr. 1, just concentrating on the notes he played, trying not to think about anything for a moment. _There's so much I don't understand. So much I don't know and I just can't wrap my head around it all..._

How had everything gone to pieces so rapidly in the last months? Just when he thought he started to understand his father, thought to have gained his respect, the incident with the Dummy Plug and the 8th Angel had completely destroyed any faith he had in him. _Toji is dead because of him..._ Darker thoughts found him, tears slipping freely from the corners of his eyes as he kept on playing. _Because of me... if only I had done something, tried anything other than let father take over like that._

 _I hated him... I still hate him._ The following battle he had promised himself he would not fight, that he would leave NERV forever. But seeing Rei attempt a suicidal attack, seeing every attempt to kill the Angel thwarted, had sent him back begging his father to let him fight. Even after all the betrayels of his father he could still let himself be manipulated by him. _God I'm weak..._ But despite his self-presumed weakness he overcame every time.

 _When I was in Eva afterwards... I remember... I dreamt I killed him. I wanted to kill father for everything he did to me... to the others. For killing Toji using my hands, for leaving me, for not caring about me yet forcing me to fight._ His hands moved the bow over the strings of his cello automatically as he lost himself in thought, playing the instrument perfectly yet not registering anything of it consciously.

 _There was something else... someone else. It was like someone was in there with me. I felt loved and comfortable and warm. She would've let me stay. She would've let me rest. She understood that I was so tired. I think... I think it was mom._ The tears had stopped flowing now, though he didn't realize, simply moving his bow as he continued playing. _I think I would've stayed if... if she hadn't called me. I could hear Ayanami call for me, and I realized I just wanted to see her again..._

He stopped playing abruptly, opening his eyes at the realization. He hadn't been able to see her today, apart from a glimpse through the doorway. He just sat still for a moment, and wiped the half dried tearstreaks from his eyes and cheeks. The music wasn't even a refuge from his thoughts anymore, the notes he played could not rid him of his depressed mood. They only reminded him more of everything bad. He got up and propped the cello and bow against the chair, then moved back to his room.

As he got back underneath the covers he stared at the ceiling for a few moments. The thoughts were still on his mind, but he was drained from tears. The image of Rei in the hospital flashed before his mind. _She's always so strong, but today... today was different. She looked so vulnerable..._ He turned on his side and closed his eyes, swallowing the lump in is throat. _I want to see her again. I have to know if she's OK._

He promised himself he would get up early and go to the NERV hospital in the morning. Exhausted, sleep mercifully found him quickly after he closed his eyes.

* * *

Deep inside NERV headquarters Gendo sat behind his desk, illuminated only by the fluorescent light of the Tree of Sephirotica on the ceiling and floor of his office. His hands were clasped together, fingers intertwined, his regular pose. Fuyutsuki stood behind him silently as he contemplated the information that Ritsuko, standing before him, had presented to him.

"It seems the Angel infiltrated her mind. Right now I'm unsure of how this has affected her but she is clearly not the same as she was before..." If the Commander was in any way fazed by the information he didn't outwardly show it. Getting no immediate reaction from the man before her she cleared her throat and continued. "I'm unsure if she'll be able to perform in her current state." Again, nothing. "I suggest we schedule a synch test soon to see how badly she's affected."

"Agreed. it would be unfortunate if we had to replace her now that we are this close." Finally the man spoke from behind tented hands. "For now we will hold off on any image scans for Rei. If it comes to it we don't want her replacement to be contaminated. Any gaps in memory can be explained by trauma induced by the Angel's attack if necessary." The man sighed and his eyes softened somewhat behind the tinted glasses, for the first time showing to be affected by the news relayed to him just now. "It would be unfortunate if it should come to that."

The grey-haired man behind him spoke up. "Does this affect your scenario, Ikari?"

"For now, this is of no concern." Gendo said. "The scenario is an outline, not a step-by-step path set in stone. We will deal with any changes as we have always done. Things are still moving along at an agreeable pace, and we have sped it up even further."

The Sub-Commander and doctor exchanged a glance at the bespectacled man's apparent confidence, both shifting slightly in place.

"The elimination of the spy has also come at an opportuned time." Gendo continued. "We will not have to worry about his meddling any longer. However useful he may have been while in our service, SEELE could not have found a more appropriate time to remove his presence. The scenario is moving towards its' final stage." He finished and pushed his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose.

Fuyutsuki moved to the window of the office overlooking the geofront. Staring out at the pyramid, the epicentre of NERV, he said: "Concerning Rei. If it comes to it, would transferring her broken soul to another shell not form any problems in the future? You were fortunate enough her AT field could be maintained with medication."

Gendo turned towards his onetime mentor. "At this stage, should another clone be used, the need for a long term body to house her soul is not necessary. After the final Angel is destroyed Instrumentality can finally be reached and I will be reunited with Yui."

Gendo returned his stare to his desk, Rei's preliminary medical and psychological evaluation the focus. "Like I said before; there have already been many changes to the scenario, all up until now have been dealt with. So will future challenges."

Annoyed with the confidence of the man the blonde doctor took of her glasses and folded its' legs up with one hand as she spoke, "I think Major Katsuragi is on to something." As she continued she raised her chin and spoke, looking down her nose at the Commander to see his response. "I could tell by her reaction when you ordered the spear to be used."

The commander leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms before his chest. "Yes, she may well know there is a hidden agenda, but I doubt she is able to piece it all together in time. She has been very valuable to us up until now and will resume to be so. Her sense of duty and hate for the Angels will override the loss of confidence in NERV she may feel."

 _Nothing. So confident... as always._ A sense of annoyance at the man rose in the doctor's gut although she didn't outwardly show it. _Still so obsessed by his dead wife. It's like I'm not even here to him even though he is all I care about. Like mother. How dispicable we are._

The elder Ikari put his hands on the armrests of his chair as he rose from his desk and walked towards the large window spanning the entire width of his office, continuing to speak all the way. "After all, she was aware of agent Rouji's questionable allegiance and what this could mean for him in the long run. His death has not stopped the Major from doing her job, nor had the revelation of Lilith in Terminal Dogma to her."

The man stopped for a moment as he snorted. "Despite having delivered Adam to us himself he has not realized... neither have realized that it is not Adam but lilith in Terminal Dogma. Although I suspect there has been further exchange of information I see no reason to stop her now." He scanned the view before him from right to left to right. "Besides, we might need her tactical wits once SEELE decides to act when all the Angels have been destroyed. Possibly before that if they so choose."

He turned around, one hand holding the other behind his back, the light reflecting off his glasses shielding his eyes as he adressed the blonde. "Let her be for now. That is all doctor Akagi. Leave us."

 _All the lies... all the suffering._ Ritsuko thought before responding and starting for the door. "Very well..."

The Sub-Commander waited for the doctor to leave the room before he spoke. "Don't you think this has gone too far? Replacing Rei now seems like too much of a risk... Would Yui approve of this abomination? I doubt she would agree to this if she knew."

Gendo Ikari scoffed at his one-time sensei. "Yui would do what was necessary, she has proven as much. She truly believed in this, Kozo. As do I..." He adjusted his glasses slightly as he stepped away from the window overlooking the Geofront. "That is why the old men employed me to begin with." The bearded man turned to him. "You know as well as I do that they will stop at nothing."

 _You assume too much._ The grey-haired man thought, then said. "And you?!" He sounded more angry than he had intentioned. "When will you stop? What do you truly believe in?"

The Commander started walking to his desk, giving the old man a sideways glance as he passed him. He stopped beside his workstation, his left hand in his pocket, his right turning the report on his desk towards him with his fingers. "That the ends justify the means..." With that, he pocketed his other hand and walked towards the doorway leading out of his office and left.

Kozo stood in silence for a moment looking at the closed door, then to the window as he stepped towards it. "That is why she didn't trust you." He sighed. "That is why I'm losing heart..." Looking at the window he snorted at his own reflection. Turning his face side to side as he took his own image in. "Funny... I don't even recognize myself anymore." Closing his eyes, his head dropped slightly. _So close to the end and I'm losing the will to carry on._ _I have let myself be terrorized into cooperating with madmen._

He stood in silence for a while then sighed. _Yui. Is this what you imagined? What we do to the children is monstrous._ The grey-haired man kept his eyes closed as he spoke softly to himself. "How wretched we have become..." He opened his eyes again, raising his head to the window to look at himself again. His gaze shifted focus from his own reflection to the pyramid outside in the geofront. "If the children were to find out the Eva's secrets, they'd never forgive us... Yui." He breathed deeply. "Where do I go from here?"

* * *

Rei lay alone in the room, staring up at the ceiling. The red-head had left in anger and she was alone with her thoughts again. She had replayed the events of the day over and over in her head. Doctor Akagi had administered a sedative to help her sleep, but the memories had seemed to echo in her sleep. _I have never dreamt before..._

Her mind snapped back to the blonde doctor. The examination she had administered had been quite heavy handed, as if she was purposefully trying to hurt her. She already didn't trust the woman after the incident at her last medical examination, but after the Angel's incursion into her memories... She inhaled sharply and stopped at the thought. Had they all been hers? We're all the memories hers? _They must have been mine... from before._

 _"You know this... don't you? That you are the second?"_

She had always known. It was not something she had denied to herself. In fact it had shaped much of who she was and how she acted. _How could I have remembered? I have never remembered anything from before until today._

 _"This_ _will have to do for now..."_

She squinted her eyes closed at the memory of the Commander's words, the memory physically painful as she finally recognized the hidden emotion with them. _I had never seen him show... disdain for me._ All the moments of perceived kindness from the man flashed before her minds eye, her eyelids closed and pressing tighter shut still. _His care was not for me truly. In his eyes he was always looking at someone else._ She realized.

She opened her eyes at the revelation; the lie that she had held on to for a sense of purpose, belonging and care was shattered. The room seemed to be physically shaking, her stomach protested at the sense of disorientation as she dry heaved. She stumbled out of bed and fell. She barely managed to get to her feet, her legs feeling like rubber as she tried to stand up and crashed into the room's wall as she held one hand to it to keep herself upright as she slid towards the door, the other hand covering her mouth as she was about to throw up.

She spilled into the hallway, the walls still trembling, making her feel sicker still. She sped towards the bathroom, pushing herself from one side of the corridor to the other, keeping her shoulder to- and sliding across the wall. She slammed the door to the bathroom open with both hands and found the sink just barely time, expelling her stomach's contents in it, her hands firmly gripping the sides as she held herself upright and over it.

She wretched until there was nothing left to release. She turned the faucet handle and let the water run as the bile flushed away. She took a sip of water and flushed her mouth, taking a drink afterwards to get rid of the disgusting taste in her mouth. After a few minutes of just standing there, her hands still gripping the sink like it was her only lifeline, she cupped her hands and filled some water in it. She splashed her face and looked up into eyes of red. _Empty... false... I hate the colour red._ A silent admission of her feelings about herself. She stepped backwards slowly, the room still warping slightly in her mind, until her back found the wall behind her. She slid down and sat in a disheveled manner, eyes closed, her hands in her hair and palms over her eyes.

After a while she heard footsteps approach through the hallway. Her eyes half closed, looking through her fingers, she saw two feet step into the doorway. She trailed her gaze up past the black slacks held up by a belt, its' end hanging unfastened and sloppily down and to the side. Her hands fell away from her eyes palms up onto the ground as she let her head rest against the wall, eyes moving further up from the corners of her eyes, her head leaning slightly into the gaze. A white shirt, undoubtedly the school uniform of the school she herself had previously attended. A smirk, red eyes like hers, and silver hair.

"So, you must be the First Child."

"Who..." Her voice was hoarse, stopping her for a moment. "Who are you?" She said sullenly, quietly. "How did you get in here?" The smirk on the boy's face broadened, seeming somewhat empty even to Rei, as he ignored her last question.

"I am the Fifth Child."

The boy waited for her to say something but she stayed silent. His smirk dropped a little, his eyes narrowed as they kept staring at eachother. "Hmm..." After a long silence the boy spoke up. "I was going to say we're the same you and I." He took a knee beside her as her gaze followed him. "But... although we're very similar, we're not the same." He poked his head a little closer to hers as he looked into her eyes.

"There's something missing, isn't there?" The boy's eyes squinted a little as he peeked deep into her soul. "Though... you seem to have found it somewhere... You just haven't decided to pick it up yet." The blue haired girl did not respond. "Well... no matter. All in due time."

His smile reformed to its' previous width as he picked the girl up with an ease that was unnatural for a boy of his build. With one arm supporting her legs and the other around behind her back he lifted her up. Rei didn't protest, too exhausted and feeling rather empty, as the boy carried her back to her hospital room and laid her down on the bed.

She looked up at the boy still staring at her with that strange smile. He put his hand over her eyes. "Sleep." She gasped and then passed out.

* * *

Ending notes:

First off I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this chapter yet or whether I should continue on and make it longer. But honestly I keep fidgeting around with what I have and I'm a little worried I will never be done with it if I don't just post it. So here it is, I hope you like it. It sets up everything for the rest of the story, and I think it does what it intends to. It also helps me a little bit with the pacing, dealing basically with the day's events.

Also, I'm going on what my understanding is of the Eva universe. What are the souls in the Eva's connecting the pilots to them? How are the pilots and crew doing as they learn more and more about project-E and NERV's history as well as the slowly dawning realisation of the hidden agenda's driving events forward?

A little bit of explanation here: Gendo made a mistake. Like entrusting the Dummy Plug system to take over from his son after the fight with Bardiel and Yui in Eva-01 subsequently refusing him, now he intervenes when Asuka defies orders to be the backup for Rei and inadvertedly produces a problem for his scenario that he had not foreseen. I have never believed the man to be an all-knowing genius that just has all the strings in hands. Yes, he is a manipulative bastard that knows how to make people dance to his tunes, but manipulation only goes so far and I think the unfolding of events in the series shows that as well. Ritsuko is getting fed up with him, and Fuyutsuki is having doubts. Misato is learning more and more about the lies and manipulations going on as well as the involvement of the people around her. You'll have to see how this will pan out in the upcoming chapters.

Finally, a request: I hope you will all help me with some reviews to tell me what you do and do not like. Also I want to ask again if anyone wants to preread this. I'm doing OK I think but it's always good to have a second opinion.

Again, I hope you liked it and see you soon for chapter 2!


	2. Regression into the self

**Shattered**

Disclaimer: I don't own evangelion. I wish.

Author's notes: Welcome back for chapter II dear readers. I'm making steady progress on the story so far and have a reasonable grasp of where I want this to go, though I am still weighing several possibilities off against eachother and I have to iron out a couple of things plot wise. Besides that I still have to write the thing of course.

The first chapter was written during my holiday so I had all the time in the world to think and write. Coming chapters may take a bit longer to come out since I am now back at my job (yes I do have a life outside of writing this piece of fanfiction). Sometimes it takes a little bit to let go of work and clear my mind, but I have been able to cram out solid amounts of story when I did find the time so delays shouldn't be too bad. Also, I want to break at least the 10000 words mark for each chapter. This way I make sure that I'm fully taking every opportunity to expand on the story and think what I write down through.

Anyway, enough about that. I won't keep you all any longer. Let's get on with the story!

* * *

*I have made small edits to this chapter to hopefully better capture Gendo's persona based on some of the points made in _Seeking Professional Help's_ review. Thank you for your honest opinion!

* * *

"Onemississipi"

– denotes speech

 _Twomississipi_

– denotes thoughts

 _"Threemississipi"_

– denotes projected speech, may be through a radio but also an alternate voice in a character's mind. Should be clear from context.

* * *

 **Part II: Regression into the self**

Rei found herself standing in a sea of LCL, much like she had in the encounter with the Angel. In front of her stood her younger self again. Neither spoke as they looked at eachother. The young girl simply pointed into the distance, a solemn look on her face as she did. On one side was the sun setting in the distance, the other, the direction the young blue-haired girl pointed at, darkness. Without thinking Rei took off in the direction her younger self was pointing at.

She walked until the orange and red colours of the scene started slowly shifting, becoming darker as they moved along, the air more frigid, the atmosphere thinning. She felt a growing sense of trepidation as she moved further into the twilight. A roaring sound became more and more apparent in the distance. She moved closer still, the roaring became louder and the air was now so thin and dark that it was near utter blackness, only a thin veil of atmosphere remained.

It was as if she was standing on the edge of the earth's stratosphere, utter darkness only accented by the gentle shade of blue in which she stood. The sun far behind her had now been fully swallowed by the horizon. The roaring sound revealed itself to be the edge of the sea of LCL, the liquid poring down into oblivion underneath her feet.

Through the blackness ahead a dark object appeared as if coming out of the shadows. The edge of the sea of LCL disolved into nothingness as she became disembodied. She was no longer herself, only a passive observer of the scene unfolding, feeling both like infinity and nothingness at the same time.

A black egg shape with a smooth surface only barely reflecting the light of a star not too far away passed by. Leading the way, perfectly aligned and steady with the egg shape as it rotated on its' own axis, was the Spear of Longiness.

The object and Spear approached a proto-planet, it's gravity pulling on in it and skewing the egg's course. A crash of epic proportions played out in front of her eyes in slow motion as the objects were pulled straight into collision with the young celestial body. The Spear hit first. One of the tips of the two prongs burried itself in the earth, pushing it through the surface as the initial inertia faded and it stopped entirely. The other tip bent and shattered on impact as the black egg thundered forward from behind, crashing into the other end of the Spear.

The shaft buckled and broke as the black moon pushed forward unfased by the object in between itself and the proto-planet. As the Spear shattered under the stress, the egg collided with the surface of the planet. Time seemed to go faster and faster as the massive collision of worlds played out before her. The egg burried itself deep into the ground as it threw up immeasurable amounts of earth, most of it blasting out into the the planet's exosphere and beyond. As time passed the gravity pulled the clumps of broken planet together to form two new planetoids.

The cataclismic results left the original planet in turmoil. Vulcanic erruptions tore up the planet's surface, the combination of the impact and the new moon's gravity pulling and warping it as both slowly settled into a new equilibrium, pitch black clouds bellowing from the lava spewing volcanos.

The damage of the collossal impact started slowly fading as the two planetoids reformed into what was now undeniably the earth and the moon. Their orbit stabilized and the vulcanic activity receded. Thick black and ashen clouds dissipated and the flow of lava cooled and dried.

A single heartbeat brought Rei back into existence. Her body was moving of its' own volition as she was filled with an intense feeling of extacy. The heartbeat continued it's steady beat as she lifted herself up. Standing upright, her hands moved to cradle on object or essense that was yet to materialize. She felt as if she was creation herself, both a beginning and an end, an amazing sense of bliss.

The palms of her hands split open unleasing a stream of tiny red orbs, circling between her hands and forming a perfectly round sphere. As the sphere filled up it increased in size, overflowing the circling crimson orbs funneled downward and streamed down to the surface of the planet. She towered high over the mountainous terrain before her, the scorched earth now at peace and fertile. She gasped in orgasmic pleasure as her gut split open and bled onto the terrain below. She felt herself dissolve into nothingness as her essense spilt out as she gave birth to life on the fertile soil of the planet.

With a jolt Rei woke up, soaking in sweat and panting heavy breaths. She was back in the hospital. Her hands moved to her flat belly instantly only to reveal nothing wrong. No blood, no cut. Nothing on her hands as well.

 _Who am I?..._ Her thoughts turned into a whisper. "What am I?" As she took in her surroundings and regained her senses she leaned back in the hospital bed, plopping her head down on the pillow in exhaustion.

She tossed and turned in the bed unable to shake the dream from her mind. She was becoming desperate as the intrusive thoughts clouded her mind more and more. She rolled onto her side pulling her legs up to her torso and balled her hands into fists, pressing the palms of her hands over her eyes. She pressed down hard and grit her teeth, tears springing into her eyes as she whispered into the empty room once more. "Why am I here..." _for whom? Are these my memories?_

She cried a desperate whimper, pleading. "I don't want to remember any of this!" Being louder than she would have wished, she clasped her hands over her mouth. She drew a shuddering breath through her fingers. She allowed herself a brief mental glance back to the dream, her heart growing cold as she remembered the images.

 _Is this me? Is that what I am?_

The sensation that she felt at the end of the dream rushed through her, the memory of her gut splitting open, the deep crimson of the blood contrasting sharply with her pure white skin as it gushed from the newly formed gash flashed back before her eyes. The sense of completion she felt in her dream was mirrored by the fear and despair she felt for the memory of it now.

Her thoughts drifted to the white titan deep within the bowels of NERV, the figure reminiscent of herself in her dreamscape. She could sense there was a connection between her and it. The giant was a captive like herself, she realized, waiting to be used when the time came. What was it's purpose? What was hers? _The dream... what does it mean? What is it trying to tell me?_

The constant thoughts were tiring and frightening. She had always been able to put her thoughts aside. Any doubts and feelings quickly waved away by the security she found in the trust she felt for the Commander. She hadn't given any of it a second thought, always loyal and following. But now she couldn't. There was nothing **but** doubt in her mind. The reflections in her mind were overwhelming and constant. She didn't want to think these things. She never had before and she found herself unable to deal with any of them, all questions remaining unanswered and festering, constantly bubbling to the surface of her mind, leaving her in despair.

Her heart felt heavy and torn. Like the tortured whine of the out of tune string on a violin playing constantly within. It painfully reverberated through her heart and echoed in her body and mind, paired with the sensation of an ice-cold brick laying in her stomach. If only this feeling would end she would be grateful.

 _If I were to be replaced... I wouldn't have to remember._ It would be easier, she thought, if she didn't remember any of this. She would be unknowing and unfeeling once again if she were to end this existence. She felt herself wishing to just not **be** anymore, to not feel any of this again. But there was something else tugging at her heart. Someone she didn't want to forget. Feelings she didn´t want to lose. Would she remember any of him? Would she feel the same way about his touch? Would she hold his hand again?

 _Do I deserve any of his affection? Would he feel the same way if he knew the truth?_ And what of the dreams. What did they mean and what would the young blue-eyed boy she had in mind think of her if the dreadful feeling the dream gave her were reflected by him? She didn't even understand what it was she was thinking, what the dream meant, but it was ominous and dark. _What if he would turn from the darkness in my heart?_ And her past, would he care for her if he knew? _Should he?_

Her mind was finding rationalizations for pushing the boy away from her even though she had yet to grasp any meaning of what was happening within her ruminations. It was dismaying and the constant speculation, twists and turns her brainwork was making were quickly growing into a messilly intwined string of thoughts and feelings she couldn't untangle.

Despite her dismay she was succumbing to her fatigue. Her eyes grew heavy even as her thoughts spiraled further out of control.

Slowly she drifted back into an uneasy slumber, not noticing the red eyes scrutinizing her from the shadows, almost glowing in the dark of the room. The boy waited patiently for the girl to give in to her exhaustion before stepping out of the shadows. He was intruiged by the girl's inner world and the brewing termoil of her thoughts and feelings. He hadn't forced his mind on the girl like Arael had. She had already torn the girl's subconscious right open. All that he had done was give a little push and all these enthralling sensations came flushing out.

He was fascinated as the girl slept fitfully before him. A gentle smile was painted on his face, aware of the turmoil in her mind. He was not intent on hurting her, but a subject to study from up close was too great an opportunity to let pass by, especially since she was so similar to him.

Similar as she was, he couldn't help but note that there was something about her that didn't make her quite like him. It had occured to him from Rei's dreamscape. Like him, her origins were of one of the fruits of life. But unlike him, she was made of Lilith. There was something odd about this, it didn't make sense to him. If the men of Seele wished for humanity to give place to the offspring of the tree of life, the originaly purposed inheritants of this planet, then why would Rei be made of Lilith? What was her purpose, if his was to initiate Third Impact to cleanse the world of the interlopers?

Unlike himself she was innocently unaware of her true essense. She was the mother of all life on earth in a sense, but her heart and mind revealed no knowledge to be aware of that fact. He closed his eyes for a moment, focussing on the call he could hear coming to him from the deep. The silent pull on him urging him to become one with the presence. Was it his true body waiting for them to reunite or was it the Lilith's? He couldn't be sure which, not until he could lay his eyes on it.

All this was highly suspect. He knew of the capacity of man for deceit, being tasked with keeping a close eye on NERV and its' dealings, and their ignorance of the true purpose that was set out for him by the old men. Was the pact they had made with him another lie? And if he was not truly meant to cleanse the earth, what good was Lilith to man? She had already given birth to life. The doors of Guff had already opened, and the souls within already spent. Did they wish to reset life to evolve once more? What would be the guarantee that anything would turn out differently? No. There was an alternate motive at play, he decided.

Something was being kept from him. There was another purpose to all this, but he wasn't sure what it was until he found out more. He would have to keep a closer eye on the girl from now on. The Third Child was interesting to him, but the First more so. The boy wasn't too keen to get to know him anyway, it appeared, Perhaps the girl was more willing. Through her he might gain a better understanding of Shinji as well.

He could sense the bond between the two children. She was fragile and incomplete, a quiet desperation in her soul for completion and connection. He would have to handle her carefully or she would break, but he would have to guide her to the edge nonetheless.

He had to admit to himself that he enjoyed the intrigue between the old men, NERV, and himself. This game of chess where pawns were sacrificed and moves exchanged to support a grander strategy. But a game of chess relied on the ignorance of the pieces. A pawn would ceize to function if they realized their purpose, and he would be a pawn no more. From now on he would choose his own path, he was the Angel of free will after all.

He could hardly contain his amusement as the various ways in which the scenarios of all those brooding and calculating old men could be thrown into disarray. His smile dropped a little as he realized he would have to go. There was a meeting between the Commander of NERV and the old men of SEELE to attend. He took a final look at the girl and started for the door. _Sleep well First Child. I'm sure Shinji will visit you soon._

* * *

The holographic conferenceroom Commander Ikari sat in was dark. Only the desk he sat behind, lit by a single spotlight, and the faintly glowing black pillars representing the members of SEELE provided any light to illuminate the room.

All the pillars boomed in unison as the committee spoke as one. "We cannot retrieve it?!" Gendo Ikari didn't speak, knowing they were not done. "The Spear of Longinus… gone? Why did you use it now?" One of the large pillars spoke, marked only 'SEELE 01' in red letters.

"We have yet to complete the EVA series!" Pillar 05 spoke up.

"Our priority was to destroy the Angel. One pilot was incapacitated already, and the other ineffective. I saw little choice under the circumstances." Gendo replied calmly.

Again all the tomes replied in unison. "Little choice?!" A moment of silence before the 6th pillar followed up. "You should be more convincing in your excuses, Ikari! You have gone too far in your actions." The voice roared through the room. Any man, other than Gendo Ikari, would have trembled under it's intensity. He remained calm however, and sighed.

He got up from his seat, using both hands to push himself up. "My excuse is necessity. We cannot recover it, and that is the end of this matter. I see no use in further discussion." He turned and walked towards the exit. "Good day to you all."

" **IKARI!** " The pillars boomed in unison once again, stopping the Commander of NERV in his tracks as he waited calmly, looking back only from the corner of his eyes.

The first member of SEELE spoke for the group this time. "If you continue to carry out the plan at your own discretion you shall have no seat among us."

He stepped forward as the door providing exit to the room slid open, bathing him in the light from outside. Silhouetted against the dark backdrop of the conference room he replied as he continued on towards the exit. "I will keep that in mind." With that, Ikari left the room, not giving the committee another glance.

Silence reigned in the room for a moment after the commander of NERV had left before Keel Lorenz, the speaker behind pillar 01 spoke up. "He is willing to risk it. Ikari... does he betray us even now?"

The other members of the committee remained silent. "This would not have occured had you performed you duty. Why do we learn this from **him** and not from you? … **Tabris**."

A spotlight sprang to life illuminating Kaworu Nagisa sitting silently in the back of the room. The silver haired boy stayed silent as he sat hunched over with folded hands, unimpressed by the committee.

"Did you hear me, Tabris?"

"Yes…" The boy finally spoke up as he unfolded his hands and rested them on his knees. "What would you have rather had me do… intervene? It would've been easy, but…" He paused for a second as he relaxed further, sat back in the folding chair and slid his hands into his pockets. "...don't you think it would have been awkward? Suddenly he began speaking of using the Spear. What could I have done?"

He waited a few moments, then took the silence as his que to continue. "Besides, is it a good idea for me to keep coming here? I have been accepted as the Fifth Child, though I have yet to be assigned to an Evangelion. It seems they are waiting to see what has become of the First Child after her... encounter... with Arael."

"We are aware of that. Don't be remiss in communicating their status. If Ikari should do anything improper..."

"Yes, yes…" It was silent in the dark room for a moment, until the young boy decided to speak up again. "Monitoring the Third has been most interesting. Humans are quite peculiar when it comes to the people around them. He worries over the well being of everyone around him, he gets angry for the sake of people around him. Truly fascinating."

"Humans are like that. Once the scenario is complete, it is that from which we shall all be free." The room fell into darkness as the committee left, leaving only Kaworu.

* * *

Maya sat at her console going over the data from the battle with the Angel of the previous day. The day before had been too frantic to analyse the information properly with all that had happened, the retrieval of the pilots and damage assessment on the Evas top priority. Yet it was an important job to collect any relevant datapoints in order to study the Angels and their abilities, to find anything useful that might help in future engagements.

According to the declassified segments of the Dead Sea Scrolls she had been briefed on there were two more Angels to go. If the current trend was to continue, they would have their work cut out for them. Each battle had been more and more difficult, desparate even. Their strenght and abilities were growing increasingly stronger, and the time in between appearances shorter and shorter.

It was a reality she had some difficulty to deal with. She was pretty stress resilient, the fact that she was still capable and performing a testament to that, but the pain and pressure the children were put through was taking a toll on her as well. She had a hard time sleeping that night, sensitive as she was to the pain and plight of others. Some might call her naive, but she took some pride in her nature, even if it meant emotional pain and sleepless nights. Compassion was a virtue in her mind.

She had decided to come in early to focus her mind on something else, to forget about all the pain and suffering. The early morning routine was usually filled with somewhat tedious tasks but it helped her clear her mind. Some light work to get the day started and to put things in perspective. As bad as things could get, there was some solace in the idea that life went on regardless. She was grateful for that at least. It made things feel normal compared to the fear and, sometimes, outright panicked engagements with the powerful invaders.

When she was done with the regular work she initialized the MAGI's databanks to process and consolidate the data from the day before into a readable format. While that process ran she would have a couple of minutes to get a cup of coffee. As she walked about the bridge she could see the staff trickle in as the day got started. Slowly NERV HQ started coming alive, the technicians, and bridge crew coming in for work like every other day.

She retrieved a cup of the bitter brown stimulant and returned to her post. When she came back to her console she found the report ready for analysis, and Makoto sitting at his console next to her. They exchanged the usual morning greetings and went about their business in silence. Makoto wasn't much of a morning person and generally enjoyed working in silence for the first hour. She had no problems with that, she wasn't much for idle chit-chat either.

She brought op the analysis on her terminal and went over the data, sipping on her coffee every now and then as she marked any relevant or interesting sequences in the synchrograph. The more she stared at the graphs the more she felt like she had seen the patterns before.

The data from Rei's synchronisation during the battle had significant peaks corresponding with increases in plug depth, nothing special in and of itself, but at points Rei's synchro score increased sharply, crossed into dangerous levels in fact. According to the chart before her the rise and fall was so fast that one had to only look away for but a moment to miss them.

During the periodic synchronisation tests they would keep a much closer eye on the development of the synchrograph data, but during battle there was so much going on that it was sometimes lost in the cacaphony of orders and chaotic developments in the situation.

Tapping in a few command she brought up the files from Shinji's engagement with Zeruel and his subsequent absorption into Unit-01.

She combined the charts from Shinji with Rei's, letting them overlap. When Shinji's Eva had reactivated after the battery had run dry a spike had occured which flattened out somewhat, then risen again as the Eva went berserk. Rei's chart showed the same spike once the Angel initiated contact.

There was an echo in the signal that was always there, they were aware of that. It had to do with the connection between the pilot and the Eva's core, it was necessary for synchronisation to occur in fact, but it usually sat low on the charts, like a whisper in the signal. With increased plug depth, the signal would begin to converge with that of the pilot's.

What was unusual about it was that while Shinji had crossed over the Ego Borderline leading to the loss of his material body, Rei had crossed over the border and remained as she was. It had been but for a moment. At that point the defeat of the Angel by Shinji was about to occur, yet it was still longer than Shinji's. Then, as strong as the connection had apparently been, once the Angel was destroyed the graph flatlined and synchronisation abruptly ceased.

It could have been due to the Angel's interference of course, but its' was registering as a completely different signal within the data. Was it contacting the pilot and whatever was held within the core of Eva? And for what purpose? Was there even a purpose to it?

Maya leaned back in her seat, at a loss of how to explain the data before her. She would have to inform her mentor about this and see what she thought. She was sure the brilliant doctor would be able to more properly interpret the charts than her.

* * *

Misato sat hunched over the last piece of paperwork she had to go through. Over the course of the past week the pile of important documents to read, process and sign had slowly stacked up. She had worked all night to get the backlog done, the nasty habit of procrastinating on one of the most boring parts of her job always seemed to lead to moments like this. As always she had had to pull an all-nighter to get the tedious work done.

Sleep deprived as she was, she sat with a pen held loosely between her fingers. Her cheek was resting on the palm of the same hand, propping up her head as her elbow rested on the desk keeping herself upright. She fought the exhaustion that was now slowly getting the best of her. She had read the same paragraph three times over, the words fuzzy and jumbled in her mind, reading but not comprehending.

Her vision blurred and her eyelids sagged closed. The pencil slowly slid from her fingers and her face from her hand. The clatter of the pencil on the floor and the sudden slump forward jerked her from her sleep as she inhaled sharply. A snore cut short from the movement escaped from her mouth. Her body and mind came back online into the world of the living as she sat upright.

 _Shit... I'm starting to lose it here._ She thought as she wiped a small tricle of saliva from the corner of her mouth. She imagined what any onlookers might've thought about her current state had they walked into her office. _That would've been embarassing._

She looked at the report on her desk, leaning down and to the side to pick up the fallen pencil from the ground. Her hand grasped at nothing a few times before she finally found the tool and brought it back up. She yawned as she wiped her left eye with the back of her index finger and stifled a quick follow up yawn as she took the cup of coffee from the corner of her desk as she started reading the document before her. She skipped over the words and mumbled to herself as she read half out loud, half in thought.

 _Kaworu Nagisa... Fifth Child... ...to be accepted as the backup for the First Child... blablabla... ...after encounter with the 10th Angel... No sign of contamination during first medical examination... blabla... possibly mentally unstable. Synchronisation test to be performed as soon as possible... blabla... determine Pilot Ayanami's condition and capabilities._

She leaned back in her seat bringing the cup close to her lips to take a sip only to stop as she remembered the preceeding day's events. From what she could tell of the footage from the Plug's internal video feed the blue haired girl had been highly distressed and in mental pain. She was currently being kept in the NERV hospital ward. Although physically unharmed from the encounter the effects were undeniable. It was no wonder. If the unbridled power that the Angels had shown until now in terms of pure destructive potential was any indication who knew what it had exposed the girl to in the assault on her mind.

It felt a little strange for Misato to think in these terms of Rei. She had never been an overly emotional or expressive girl, quite the contrary. She always seemed quite resilient and able to take anything and willing to follow any order, but the way she had looked in the cockpit and afterwards during the examination did not bode well. As Shinji had said on the ride home the day before, there was something wrong with the girl, even if she was conscious and responsive.

A second medical examination was to take place today, and tomorrow they would schedule a synchronisation test to determine the actual damage to the girl's capacity as a pilot. A day's rest was probably a good idea before throwing her in a plug again. The synchronisation tests weren't particularly taxing on the kids, but the pilots and crew were all in need of a rest. Shinji would probably want to see the blue-haired girl today, and she herself needed some sleep after this long day and night.

The cup of coffee hovered just in front of her mouth as she continued her train of thought. She wasn't particularly close to the stoic girl, but she felt a bit sorry for her. It seemed she had come out of her shell quite a bit with Shinji's encouragement, and now this happened to her. It was cruel and unusual punishment that faith had bestowed upon her. Then again, it was tragically in line with everything else going on at NERV these days. The Angels were becoming more and more powerful and the battles more and more desperate. The death of Shinji's friend Suzuhara, Shinji's absorption into Unit-01, Asuka's slowly deteriorating mental state and synchronisation results and now this.

Asuka was to be released as well today. There was no mental contamination and there had been no contact with the Angel as far as they could tell. She had tried her best in the battle but Misato could tell that she was suffering. The girl was quite dependent on battlefield results and victories for her overall mood, and Shinji's usually prevailing in the end over the Angels was definately taking a toll on the redhead's self-esteem. And now Shinji was even overtaking Asuka in terms of synchro-scores leaving her lagging behind and close to Rei.

The situation at home had been exhausting and deteriorating over the last months. Instead of bringing the two together as she'd hoped living under the same roof would result in, especially Asuka had become more and more combative. Shinji had gained some self-awareness and had started to take more initiative, but this wasn't supposed to be just for his sake.

She ruminated a little on the precarious situation that she found herself and her adopted kids in. _Did I do well to take them in? I'm not sure if I'm doing a good job at any of this... yet... I can't find myself living without them anymore. Thinking back... I think taking them in was as much for myself as it was for them. There's just so much going on now that I feel like I can't give them my full attention anymore._

Everything felt like it was slowly spiraling out of control as they were getting closer to the end. Then there were all the secrets that were slowly being revealed to her. The giant deep underground NERV HQ, the lie of Third Impact... even the new pilot Kaworu Nagisa. What she had read in the transfer document earlier this week had raised more questions.

She brought the cup to her lips and tilted it to take a sip only to stop again when something struck her. _The similarity... That boy and Rei._ She had never really inquired into Rei's past. The documents that were available were as cryptic and incomplete as the young boy's, she just never really thought any more of it until now. _Ritsuko will know more. I'll have to ask her about her thoughts on this._

The thought of Ritsuko gave her pause for a moment. She wasn't too sure about the blonde doctor anymore. Their relationship had become increasingly distant. They were still on friendly terms but her manner had grown cold, evasive and sometimes even downright secretive.

 _What do I expect her to tell me? She's pretty close to the Commander, often in meetings with him and the Sub-Commander. She's probably entrusted with a lot of information I'm not privy to._ The woman would probably not tell her anything above her security clearance, she was pretty certain of that. _And even if she told me anything... would I trust it to be the truth? Surely she must know more about Adam and why it's being kept in the LCL plant... She kept up the same lie as the Commander did._

She brought the cup in her hand slowly back to the desk as she rested it on the edge desk. _All this subterfuge... all this smoke and mirrors._ Her heart sank along with her mood as she remembered the fun times she had had with Kaji and Ritsuko in college juxtaposed with the current situation. _Kaji's... gone now... And I wonder... I can't help wondering if she knew._

She sat in silence for a while as her mind drifted to the unshaven man that had once again stolen her heart away from her in the past months. She had yet to go through all the information he had given her before his death. _He wanted to know the truth as much as I did... and he gave everything to me when he knew the game was up._ She swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in her throat and breathed slowly to stop her emotions from taking over. _That fool..._

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to regain her composure, finally drawing the coffee cup that had been sitting in her hand all this time to her mouth as she threw it backwards and swallowed the contents in one gulp. _Ugh! Yuck!_ The dark brown brew went down her gullet as she twisted and shivered in disgust as it was now quite cold. She dropped the cup on her desk as if it stung her hand. _Disgusting!_

She wiped at her mouth as she signed the document and tossed the pencil on her desk, grabbed the official NERV stamp and marked the document as read and understood. She sat back and sighed in a relieved satisfaction as she finally finished the paperwork. She stretched her arms above her head as she looked at the digital clock indicating 11:42.

She pushed her chair back and rose to her feet. A final stretch before she walked towards the exit of her small office.

* * *

Kaworu swayed his legs playfully in the air as they dangled over the walkway's edge, his arms around one of the supports for the siderail as he leaned into it with his shoulder and peered at the war machine's one cycloptic eye.

 _Lilin, always looking to influence their circumstances. The old men, Commander Ikari. Always plotting... brooding._ His smile never wavered as he looked at the behemoth and scanned for it's occupying soul. _That's why they created you. A testament to human ingenuity... and arrogance._ He thought, both speaking of the biomachanical machine and what was being held prisoner in its' core. _They don't care if they play god if it suits their needs even if they have been burnt once already._ His smile widened as he spotted what he was looking for.

The Eva stayed motionless, though the shard of consciousness inside stirred as the red-eyed boy prodded it with his mind. _The old men may have plans, they may think they own me... but nothing is set in stone. I am no one's puppet. I am not one to be bossed around. In the end I will make my own choice..._ He grasped at the presence gently, pulling it out of hiding. _And neither should you be. There's no need to hide from me you know._

 _I'm far more interested in finding out about human nature than furthering anyone else's agenda. I'm having far too much fun finding out what you're all about._ He sighed a contented sigh as he tilted his head slightly in wonder. _Hello there... I've already met your other half. She was in a bad way._ He pouted a little as, in his mind's eye, he reached out and held the occupying soul in cupped hands. His thumbs stroked it playfully as if it were his pet. _But we can change that._

"Uhm... hey there."

Kaworu was pulled from his internal reverie by a female voice. He opened his eyes and dropped his smile before turning to view the purple haired woman towering over him from his sitting position on the gantry. He had been so lost in his train of thought that he was caught a little by surprise.

"Oh hello... You are Major Katsuragi, right? I saw you yesterday on the bridge during the battle." His smile returned as he pulled his legs back up and stood up, using the railing for support. With both hands he wiped his hair back from his eyes and turned fully towards the Major.

"Yes, and you must be mister Nagisa."

"That's me. Kaworu Nagisa. Pleased to meet you Major Katsuragi."

"What were you doing here mister Nagisa?"

"Please just call me Kaworu..." He said as he turned towards the blue mecha sitting silently in the cage they were overlooking from the gantry. "I was just admiring the machine. It looks like it came out of the battle unscathed."

"No physical damage, no... The pilot wasn't so lucky."

"Ah yes. I saw her only for a moment..." The young boy lied effortlessly. "But she looked quite hurt."

Nothing in the boy's tone of voice showed any real concern. Misato's eyes narrowed only slightly as she caught herself and replied. "Indeed..."

An uncomfortable silence fell between the two. Misato didn't trust the boy one bit. There was something off about the careless nature of his air. Surely, being called upon to pilot the giant behemoths would be intimidating to the uninitiated. Sure, Asuka and Rei were used to it, long since part of the Project-E, but someone so new should appear more apprehensive about it.

There was something in his look that sent shivers down her spine, and she felt like breaking off the conversation to get away from the boy. "Well. It's good that you're familiarizing yourself with HQ and the Evas. Make sure you're on time tomorrow for the synchronisation test. I've got to go..."

"Ok. I'm sure we'll see eachother tomorrow." The boy waved, then stuck his hands in his pocket, whistling 'An ode to joy' as he walked off in the other direction.

* * *

Shinji sat on a simple folding chair by Rei's bedside. The girl was asleep at the moment which had actually comforted him slightly at first. That comfort was replaced by a sense of shame as he found himself unable to figure out what actually to say to the girl had she been awake. For now being here was enough, he figured. And so he sat in silence, waiting for the girl to wake up.

She stirred in her sleep quite a bit he found, which filled him with some worry of the state she was in. The mumbling emanating from her had not been coherent, but the stress it was conveying did not bode well. It was a state he had never seen the girl in. Not that he had ever been in a position to see her sleep but he couldn't imagine this being the girl's usual mode.

She gasped and her face contorted in a whince as a soft and short cry emanated from her lips. His heart sank at the thought that the girl that was usually a comforting presense to him and a silent beacon of strenght was now so vulnerable. The blue-eyed boy felt a little uncomfortable to see her in a state like this. She was usually so solitary, reserved and quiet that it made him feel like a peeping tom to be present in this moment of weakness. Pushing the uneasy feeling aside he laid his hand over hers and began softly speaking to her in an effort to calm her.

"Ayanami... it's just a dream. You're just having a bad dream, that's all..." He stopped himself. He was about to say that she would wake up and it would all be OK again, but he knew that may be wishful thinking.

"I'm... glad I can see you again. I don't know what I would've done without you or Asuka." He laughed a little despite himself, more from stress than actual amusement. "I mean... who would berate me and put me down? And who would get me back up on my feet again?" His smile stayed as the girl seemed to calm down visibly as he spoke.

He gently took a hold of the hand below his and squeezed it slightly. "Just wake up OK? Whatever it is you're going through... I'm here to help you like you always help me." He kept silent as the girl before him slept, breathing slowly in and out, her chest rising and falling visibly in a steady rhythm underneath the bedsheets. He didn't want to wake the girl now that she seemed to have steadied in her sleep.

He sat watching her for a while before the girl stirred again, this time to awaken from her slumber. She rolled her head to the side to regard him as her eyes opened slightly. There was a hidden pain inside that was immediatly apparent to Shinji. It was a pain he was all too familiar with but that he had never seen in her eyes before. The pain of a burdened existence simmering in one's core, and seeing it inside the girl made his heart sink even lower that it already had. Once again, he found himself unable to speak.

 _She looks so tired and weary... I wonder how she's feeling._ They held an uneasy gaze for a while that Shinji broke in the end by looking down bashfully, his cheeks slightly red for having kept up the eye contact for so long. He spoke in a quiet voice, pushing past the nervousness he felt and looked back up to meet her eyes. "Are you OK? You look tired..." His blush deepened as he immediatly regretted saying anything. _Idiot! Don't insult her._

If she took any offense she didn't outwardly show it as she replied truthfully, though looking away with a hint of shame hidden in her crimson eyes. "I... I have dreams." The way she said it was a bit unnatural if one had been paying attention, like the fact that she was having dreams at all was unusual to her. Shinji failed to notice though as she returned her gaze to him. The concerned look he was giving her made her slightly uncomfortable, but was strangely reasuring at the same time. _He cannot help but show concern._ The thought made her heart hurt and she looked away from the boy immediatly as a small blush formed on her own cheeks.

The boy swallowed visibly, relieved that she didn't seem taken aback. "Oh... well... w-what about, Ayanami?" He surpressed another internal self-scolding, his face still red from asking such personal questions.

"It does not matter."

"M-maybe talking about them helps you understand?" He was being awkwardly forward. The look she gave was almost pleading him to stop talking, but he was unable to stop himself. "My... teacher once told me dreams can tell you things about your unconscious. About fears and feeli-..." He stopped himself, wincing internally as the girl broke eye-contact. He only barely detected the shameful look she had as she looked away. Was he pushing the girl too much? He took her silence as a sign to stop his inquiry.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to... ah..."

The two remained silent for a while as Rei turned her gaze to the ceiling. Finally Shinji spoke. "I'm... I'm just glad you're alive Ayanami." She closed her eyes at his words, frowning in a slightly painful manner. She knew the boy was trying to help, but he was stirring a sense of fear and unease in her that she had been trying to supress ever since she woke up. She didn't feel capable of accepting his kindness, undeserving of her wish to be closer to the boy as she had pursued until the events of the day prior.

"Perhaps... perhaps you shouldn't be." Her voice was quiet and sullen as she kept her gaze focussed on the ceiling. His jaw dropped as he exhaled in shock audibly. "D-don't say that!" She felt the need to push the boy away. The dreams and memories a painful reminder of everything that she was, and everything that she believed she shouldn't have.

"I am not worth saving. I am a puppet. I am worthless... even if you don't think so." The girl said it with a complete lack of tone in her voice. All emotion drained from her face and her eyes dull, it was like she had regressed back to her old self like she was when they had just met. The boy was taken aback by the girl's sudden self-criticism. It was so unlike her that he could hardly believe what he was hearing. "Ayanami stop... W-what's making you say this?"

"No. You do not know enough about me for it to be warranted." She was looking for ways to rationalize pushing the boy away from her. _It is better if he doesn't care about me. I have no right..._

Shinji was stunned, he leaned forward as he gripped her hand a little tighter, still holding on to her as he spoke. "I... I don't know about you? What is there to know?!" He pulled her hand a little closer to him as he shifted to the edge of his seat.

"You would hate me if you knew..." Her heart hurt as the words left her mouth, but she couldn't stop herself from regressing further into herself. Her eyes averted away from his, and to the hand holding onto hers. She wanted to withdraw from his touch and from his gaze and his attempts to close the distance between them that was now palpably in the air, but she didn't pull away.

"W-what are you talking about, Ayanami? Why are you being like this? I'm sure I wouldn't hate you..." He brought up his other hand as he laid it upon her wrist, next to the other, as if trying to prevent her from slipping away from him. He wasn't thinking about the physical closeness like he would usually, simply too shocked to believe what was happening, as if trying to hold on the the girl that was self-erasing in front of him. She was running from his attempts at consolation and friendship.

"Don't assume such things..."

"Ayanami... you're scaring me." The words and the look in the boy's eyes hurt. She rejected him even as he tried to hold on and reassure her. The grasp of his hands on hers was firm but gentle but the need to pull away became too strong. Finally she pulled her hand from his grasp, the soft grip he held easily broken. She rolled over with her back to the young boy. He gasped.

 _If I were to end it... I would not remember this. I do not wish to remember._

Shinji's voice dropped to a whisper, desperation and hurt evident in his tone. "Why are you being like this? I thought you and I... I thought..." She interrupted him before he could continue, whispering as she did and not turning to face him. "You shouldn't want to be closer to me. I will hurt you in the end..."

"...Don't... don't push me away. Don't push me away like Asuka does..."

She didn't answer him as she curled herself up further into a ball, her legs coming up to her chest.

"Ayanami... stop please. Don't you remember wh-... remember when we held hands in the park? I know you do... we've never been as close. I have never felt that close to you... a-a-and I know you felt the same!" He stuttered. "Don't push me away now, please..."

"Just... forget about me." She whispered as she closed her eyes and burried her face in the pillow below her head, tears springing up in her eyes as he pleaded once more.

He rose from his seat suddenly, the folding chair falling over by the force as he did. "Don't do this! Don't leave me alone..." He felt the urge to grab the girl by her shoulder and force her to face him but he couldn't. _I can't believe she's saying these things. I don't believe she means it..._

Before he could speak the door to the room opened and doctor Akagi walked in. She looked at the boy standing over the girl's bed, his face filled with despair, and the girl on the bed with her back towards him. A look of confusion mixed with a suspicious curiosity crossed her face as she stepped further into the room. "Is everything OK in here?"

Neither of the children answered, both remaining as they were. She walked further into the room and dismissed the scene. She didn't have time for this, even though it was curious. "Well nevermind. It's time for Rei's medical examination. Rei, get out of bed, you'll have to get ready for the fMRI scan. Afterwards you can go home. Shinji, get out of the room please."

She looked as the boy turned away from the bed and walked away, arms stretched downwards, hands clenched into tight fists and his face downward. "You can wait in the hallway if you want but this may take a while..." She looked back between the girl that was now moving to get out of the bed as she swung her legs over the edge, faced away from her, and the boy that was now exiting the room. Ritsuko's eyes narrowed as the girl sat for a moment, wiping at her eyes with her forearm.

A sense of irritation filled her as she looked at the still form of the girl, still sitting with her back towards her, both hands at her sides gripping the matrass. She pursed her lips and a small *tisk* left her mouth before she spoke, the words sharp and unsympathetic. "Get up. I don't have time for this."

Outside, Shinji sat down on the small bench across from the room he just left. He was in a downtrodden mood. He had no idea how it had come to this, and what happened between him and Rei just now. She had tried to push him away completely and left him wondering what he had done wrong. Even still he felt determined to continue to approach the depressed girl. He wouldn't let her push him away like this, try as she might. Even still, her words had hurt.

The door to the room opened and the doctor stepped out followed closely by Rei. Neither acknowledged him as he stood. They simply started down the corridor away from him. Slowly he sat down again and put his head in his hands. _I mustn't run away..._

He sat in silence for a long time with his eyes closed, head still in his hands, his fingers raking through his hair. He wasn't sure if he should wait for her or if he should just leave. Maybe he had pushed her too much today, but he didn't want to leave her all by herself. Not like this.

He didn't notice the redhead as she came out of the room she had spent the night in. Only when she stepped up right in front of him did he look up to meet her eyes. "Oh... Asuka. Have you been released?"

She completely ignored the boy's question as she looked down on him as she stood before him. "Great... just who I wanted to see." She said, hands in her sides, sarcasm dripping from her words.

The boy picked up the girl's scorn and apologized reflexively. "I'm sorry Asuka... I'm sorry I couldn't help you two sooner yesterd-..."

The girl cut him off immediatly. "For god's sake, you're the worst... Always apologizing, even now. You saved the day didn't you, idiot?"

"I'm sorry..."

She ignored the apology this time. "The great Shinji saves the day once again. We spend half an hour on the battlefield and Shinji comes in and takes care of everything in five minutes!" Her eyes burned with intensity as she stared down at the sitting boy.

He kept his head held low, away from the angry look directed at him, only barely swallowing another apology. He didn't know what to say anymore. Apologizing didn't help, and he sure wasn't about to uncharacteristically gloat over his so called victory over the Angel. Nothing good had come of it anyway it seemed.

"It's too bad you couldn't help the Commander's pet in time... I saw her yesterday. She's not doing too well." Asuka said as she flicked her hair over her shoulder, a mix of anger and disdain written all over her face. "I guess even the mighty Shinji can't be everywhere at once... Too bad that it's other people that suffer because of it." That hurt. Shinji looked away entirely now in response, his hands clenching at his sides.

Anger was brewing up in his core. He didn't ask for any of this. If it had been up to him he'd have been out there with them. He would've traded places with the blue-haired girl if he could have. He would've taken point if it had meant that both Asuka and Rei were safe.

He couldn't take the scolding anymore, anger boiling up inside him he sprung up from the bench making Asuka take a suprised step backwards. "What would you have me do?! What was I supposed to have done?! I was on stand down orders!" He yelled, hands still clenched shut tightly at his side.

A part of Asuka felt elated that the boy finally stood up for himself, but the need to push him further overrode any sense of respect she felt for the boy as she retorted. "You'll do anything to please daddy won't you?! Why don't you grow a pair and start living for something else then everyone else's praise?!"

"I don't do this because I like piloting Eva, alright?! I'm not like you! I'm doing my best and still everything goes to shit!" The red-faced boy yelled straight into her face. "I tried standing up to him after Toji died, and it brought me nothing! He used **my hands** to kill my best friend! And then even when I had walked away and told myself I would never pilot again, I still had to come back because there was no one else that could!"

The girl backpedalled slightly as he continued. "That's right! **I** had to defeat the Angel because all else failed... because **you** failed! And now you failed **again**!"

Any respect she felt for the boy deep down dissapeared as he challenged her directly, his words cutting deep into her self esteem. All the doubt and pain she felt the night before returned with a fervor. Tears sprang into her eyes as she slapped him in the face hard. It didn't stop him. He pushed her back with both hands, sending her staggering back against the wall behind her, tears in his eyes as he ranted on. "I know Eva means everything to you, but to me it means **nothing** if I can't save the ones I love!"

She jumped at him as she grabbed him by the collar. "Shut up! I hate you! I **hate** you! **I hate you!** " She yelled as she jerked him around, spittle flying from her mouth. Shinji grabbed her by the shoulders in return as they tussled with eachother in the corridor. She took the boy by the wrists and wrenched his hands loose from their grip on her. With a hard push she slammed the boy back into the wall, sending him sprawling over the bench he sat on just before.

"I hate you and that stupid doll!" She started backing up into the hallway, her face contorted with anger and pain. Finally she yelled at the top of her lungs. " **I hate all of you!** " The furious redhead turned and ran off, passing some of the hospital staff that had come out to see what all the noise was about.

Shinji got up from his awkward position on the floor where Asuka had just pushed him, laying in between the wall and the bench. He wiped at his eyes as he regained his footing and sped off in the opposite direction of the redhead.

* * *

The blonde doctor had been examining her for a while now. As always Rei went through the motions without complaint. Neither talked to eachother as always, but the distrust between the two hung thick in the air as it had the day prior. Rei's eyes followed the doctor as she moved about, a slight sense of fear and unease running through her.

Finally the doctor broke the silence. "Are you experiencing any physical pain since the Angel attack?"

She replied simply and truthfully. "No ma'am."

"Any other complaints? Anything that you feel the need to tell me before we start the fMRI scan?"

There was a slight pause. There were many things she may have told the older women if it had been three months prior, but she felt no need to share her innermost thoughts and feelings she was experiencing. "...No ma'am."

Ritsuko looked at the girl incredulously. It was an obvious lie. "Are you sure?" The same pause again. Ritsuko's eyes narrowed at the girl. _She's hiding something. It's plain for all to see that there's something going on below the surface._ She snorted internally at the gir's naivity.

"...Yes ma'am." Rei could feel that the doctor didn't believe her, but there was no way that she could trust her. Not since the last medical examination, and definately not since the revelations brought to her during the Angel's mindrape.

Ritsuko took her by the arm a little roughly as she pulled her from the stool she was sat on. She pushed the girl out before her towards the large MRI machine in the center of the room. "Ok Rei, just lay down and stay still. You know the drill, we've done this before. It will take about an hour and then you can go." The blonde smiled a fake smile as the girl sat down and looked at her.

"Yes ma'am."

She laid down on the gurney and held still as she was told. Ritsuko pushed a button and the bed slowly pulled into the MRI scanner. The room was uncomfortably cold in the hospital gown Rei was wearing but she tried to keep still nonetheless. She felt uneasy in the cramped space inside the machine, and with nothing to do her she could already notice her thoughts started running wild.

"This is going to take a while so I'm going to get a cup of coffee. You just stay here and stay still." Without waiting for a response the doctor left the room. It was a calculated step. Leaving the girl alone to her thoughts would allow the brain-activity scan to pick up what was going on the the blue-haired girl's mind without being distracted. That, and she had no desire to keep the girl company.

The machine's humming picked up in intensity as the magnets inside it did their work. Rei lay in the core of the machine as it scanned the activity within the grey matter in her head. She kept her eyes closed, doing her best to remain still and quiet her thoughts. The gentle hum of the machine reminded her of the synaptic like buzzing one could hear inside the entry-plug. It reminded her of the moment the Angel broke through the gentle buzz and invaded her mind. She grabbed on to the sides of the gurney as her thoughts once again spiraled out of control.

Outside, Ritsuko's step had a slight spring to it as she walked through the NERV hallway towards the cafeteria. Leaving the girl by herself gave her a perverse sense of satisfaction. Although the blue-haired clone had been put through similar examinations before, she was sure she didn't know the intricacies of the process. There was no need to hold still for the full hour. The MRI machine would run a number of scans that would be interrupted as it reconfigured and reinitialized. Normally someone would stay present to inform the patient of this. Normally.

 _That puppet will dutifully undergo the tedious process._ She thought as a smirk formed on her lips. _A little bit of torture goes a long way to improve my mood._ A blush crossed her features at the shameful admission. She stopped for a moment to wipe the smirk from her face and the somewhat uncomfortable pleasure she took from the situation. She straightened out her skirt and moved on.

She walked into the cafeteria and was met by the scent of freshly brewed coffee and cigarettes. The smell itself already gave her an energy boost and only helped to increase her need for a cup of the hot brown stimulant and a dose of nicotine. She grasped the pack of cigarettes sitting in her labcoat's pocket through the fabric unconsciously.

She walked up to the coffee machine and found Misato standing at the other end of the room. "Oh hey Misato, taking a break as well huh?" She said, feigning innocence as she stuck her hand in her pocket to retrieve the carton of cigarettes it held.

"Hmm..." The woman hummed as she finished taking a sip from her coffee and swallowed the comfortably warm liquid. "Well... I felt I deserved it after spending all night here..." The woman said, then took another drink from the cup, holding it with both hands, clasping it like it was something very special to her.

"Forgot to do your paperwork again?" The blonde said mockingly as she pulled a cigarette from the pack before dropping it back into her pocket. "You haven't changed one bit since college. You never did turn in your papers on time." She laughed. The raven-haired women scoffed at the remark but said nothing else of it, simply taking another sip of the bitter drink.

There was moment of silence between the two women, which Ritsuko took to grab a paper cup from the dispenser next to the coffee machine, sticking the cigarette between her lips with the other. Misato looked at the blonde from the corner of her eyes. There was an odd satisfaction emanating from the woman, a slight tug at the corners of her mouth that contrasted the general atmosphere at NERV lately, especially since yesterday.

Misato dismissed the thought as she leaned against the cafeteria table, every now and then taking a moment to sip some coffee from the mug in her hand. The ticking clock in the background counted away the seconds as the silence reigned on for a while longer as she kept an eye on the doctor. After a moment she spoke up. "So, Ritsu… any idea what the consequences may be of Rei's contact with the Angel?"

Ritsuko lit the cigarette and then turned towards her friend. "Do you want my honest opinion? I think she's hiding something." She said not waiting for Misato to respond, interrupting herself to take a drag of her cigarette. "We all heard her through the command channel. And the images the cockpit camera showed more than enough for me to believe she's not OK." She said, no compassion in her voice.

"Yeah... I guess." Misato replied, sensing there was something off about the woman standing over the coffee machine, watching her pour a packet of artificial sweetener in her coffee and turn towards her.

Ritsuko's face pulled into a frown as she regarded her. "You look awful Misato." She was rewarded with a foul look for that comment. "That's not helping." Ritsuko said, laughing slightly. "Go home and get some sleep. There's nothing too important going on today, unless you're not finished with your paperwork." Misato didn't respond.

A moment of silence reigned between the two before the doctor decided to break it. "Anyway, I've scheduled a synchronisation test for tomorrow, so we'll get a first hand look. Oh, and we'll have to test the Fifth Child. Let's hope he's up to the job." Ritsuko said before taking another drag of her cigarette.

Misato sighed, not knowing what to say. She had questions about the boy, but she somehow doubted Ritsuko would tell her anything. There was something off about the woman, and she opted to switch to light conversation to lift the mood. After a few moments she spoke up. "You should stop smoking, you know. It's a bad habit, and you'll never pick up any guys stinking of smoke."

"You're one to talk… you drink like you're still in college. Besides… I thought you smoked." Ritsuko retorted, taking a long, almost exaggerated drag of her cigarette afterwards.

Misato's face lit up, bright red. "Hey, it's just a way to relieve some stress after a hard day of work!" She crossed her arms defiantly. "And I haven't smoked in years Ritsu… but thanks for noticing."

"My pleasure." Ritsuko replied sarcastically. Misato stuck her tongue out at her friend in reply.

"But seriously..." Ritsuko pressed out the half finished cigarette in the ashtray sitting on the table beside her as she blew out the contents of her lungs up towards the ceiling through compressed lips. "Go home Misato. Get some sleep."

The dark-haired women sighed tiredly. "Yeah..." She downed the last bit of coffee from the mug and started for the door, putting the empty container in the sink as she passed it. Just before she was about to exit the room, then turned and adressed the doctor. "Oh I almost forgot. Maya said she wanted to talk to you this morning... something about Rei's synchronisation data from yesterday. She said she wanted to discuss it with you."

"Alright, thanks for letting me know. I'll run by her after Rei's scan is over."

"Oh, Rei's getting examined today? What time?"

"She's in the examination room right now. The MRI is running as we speak... should be done in about 20 minutes." Ritsuko said matter-of-factly.

Misato was a bit shocked by this. An angry frown formed on her face. "Wait... and you left her alone in there?" She couldn't believe she would just leave the damaged girl on her own. "Isn't that kinda careless, Ritsu?"

"Oh come on... she's been through a ton of examinations already. Even before yesterday. She's used to being a lab rat anyway."

The raven-haired woman raised her eyes in suprise at the remark. "That's harsh, Ritsu... even for you. What if she gets scared? Who knows what she's going through right now."

An annoyed look crossed the woman's face as she put her hand to her side, the other bringing the cup to her mouth as she spoke from behind it with a blank stare. "Is that your professional opinion as a doctor, Misa? What, are you her therapist now?"

"Fuck you... no need to be a bitch about this."

"Go home, already."

Misato contempleted what to do for a moment. "No... I'll take her home after the examination. I'm going to her now to keep her company." With that she walked out the door not waiting for the doctor to protest.

She walked quickly through the hallway and entered the examination room. The MRI machine was buzzing loudly as she walked in. She could only see the girl's feet sticking out of the giant machine. Her legs seemed to shake slightly, stress apparent even in the limited view she had of the girl. Her feet were clenched up and a soft whimpering could be heard only barely over the loud machine.

"Rei! I'm here! It's Misato! I'm here... so you're not alone OK?" The girl seemed to relax slightly at her call. Misato was half contemplating pulling the girl out of the machine, but that would undoubtedly lead to her receiving a scolding from the doctor. Besides, this had to be done, as painful as it was to just watch and stand by.

"U-understood." The soft voice came from within the bowels of the loud machine.

Misato walked closer to the machine so she didn't have to shout over it."I'll take you home once you're done Rei. Just a few more minutes."

There was no reply, but the girl seemed to have relaxed significantly. They remained silent as the process continued until it's end. Even as Ritsuko entered they remained quiet, only an exchange of angry glares occurred. The machine's scan drew down and the girl was released to go home. Slowly Misato led Rei out of the room, not giving the doctor a second look.

The walk to the car and drive passed in silence. Only until she drove up to the dreary appartement building did Misato finally speak, stopping the girl for a moment before she got out of the car. She had to say something.

"Rei... Shinji's worried about you, and so am I."

She didn't respond, keeping her eyes on the dashboard in front of her.

"Whatever happened yesterday... just know that if you need help..." She didn't finish as Rei finally looked at her, a somewhat expectant look on her face for but a moment. The look dropped but her red eyes remained unusually soft as she replied.

"I am fine."

Her voice didn't carry any weight and her tone was unsure. Misato's heart dropped a little at the uncharacteristic display. "Oh Rei..." She said softly as she reached out and gently touched the girl's cheek. Rei immediatly averted her eyes from the Major as she looked away and got out of the car.

Misato stared after the girl as she walked up towards the building. She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. She felt like she should've stopped the girl, like she should have said something more. _But what?_ What could she say to her. She was so quiet and reserved that it was hard to gauge what was going on inside of her. Yet the usual strenght and resolve the girl had was gone. That moment that flashed by for just a second told her more than a thousand words could have.

Sitting in silence for a while longer she tried to clear the uneasy feeling she was having. Finally she put the car in gear and drove off. "I'm useless..."

* * *

Rei finally reached her apartment door and opened it. It was unlocked as always. She exhaled loudly as she leaned back against the door, her hand over her heart, Misato's words echoeing in her mind. _"Whatever happened yesterday..."_

 _Do not dwell on it…_

She remembered the painful meeting and conversation with Shinji in the NERV infirmary. _It is better this way._ She lied to herself dismissing the pain that she had caused both herself and the boy. She pushed away from the door and slowly tread further into her apartment.

The examination had been excrutiating. Not from the doctor's careless handling, but the time she had spent alone in that machine. She had felt like she was back in the entry plug again, like yesterday. Every painful memory and sensation the Angel had dug up had played before her mind's eye. The shocking dream she had, although fading in intensity compared to the Angel's violation, also fresh in her mind.

"I am but a tool..." She whispered to the empty room. An image of the Commander sitting beside her in the entry plug popped into her mind. _"Rei, are you alright?!"_

" _The only thing in this world I have faith in is the Commander"_ The words were hers but now they felt hollow. She just stood silently, not allowing herself to think about it any further, not wanting to face the truth. He possessed her for all this time. He had made her to fit his purposes with the help of the doctor. The woman despised her, treated her with indifference... _No..._ Indifference wouldn't warrent causing pain, even Rei understood. She treated her like something that was useless, worthless. Something you could toss around carelessly.

A few tears dropped from her eyes unnoticed as she just stood there, unmoving. Once again realizing how worthless she was to the people that she had trusted stung her heart with pain.

From the corner of her eye she spotted the glasses sitting silently on the dresser. She took a tentative step towards the small dresser standing by her apartment window. She picked up the Commander's glasses and took it firmly in her hands. _He does not care._

Something wet pattered onto the broken piece in her hands, quickly followed by another pair of drops.

 _Is this me?_ Another tear welled up and slid down her cheek, her hand immediately touching the spot it trailed down moments ago. Her chin quivered as she tried to stop more tears from welling up. _Am I the one who's crying?_

More tears dropped onto the glasses as she twisted it, forcing the frame to bend further than it already had. What was once a token of a moment of care from someone for her, a cherished memory that had given her purpose, was now a reminder of the great lie that was her life. Anger swelled up in her for the betrayal of trust as she pressed down on the spectacles harder, her gut clenching at the emptiness she felt within her, her heart aching to be filled to relieve the loss she felt.

The glasses cracked, undone from the frame the sharp shards pushed into the palms of her hands and her fingers, drawing blood. It hurt yet comforted her somehow. To feel something else then emptiness in that moment. The small metal hinges holding the legs bent and came loose from the frame. Finally the piece broke in two at the bridge that connected the two now cracked and bloody lenses.

More tears mixed with the bloodstained piece of apparel as she regarded it for a moment as she let it lay loosely in her hands before she dropped it to the ground. Her hands shook as she cried, sobbing openly as she let her grief overtake her.

"I am... I am crying." She said softly as she looked at the drops pattering on the dirty floor. She turned to the small mirror hanging on the wall just beside her. "I'm the one who is crying..." The reflection in the mirror confirmed her realization. This feeling she had felt all day. That morning when she had pushed Shinji away. The tears had been trying to break out all day and she had only barely been able to keep them in. All day she had been fighting this feeling. Only now that she was alone did she finally allow the feeling to run it's course, she realized.

Her own image sickened her. She grasped the mirror and let it drop to the ground, it's edge bloodied by her wounded hand.

Unable to cope with the emotional pain that was overcoming her she shoved the medications and the glass beaker from the dresser in one fell swoop, leaving a crimson trail of blood on the surface. She kicked the wheeled dresser hard, her sobbing turning into a cry of agony. The dresser, sitting in the corner of the room, had nowhere to go and simply bounced back unfulfillingly. With two hands the woeful girl grasped the sides of the piece of furniture and threw it on it's side.

The anger was still there. It was something unlike she had ever felt before, and it had to be vented. She grabbed the curtain hanging by the window and pulled it with all her strenght. Part of it came loose from the railing from which it hung and tore down. Motes of dust flew into the air and reflected in the light of the setting sun outside, the curtains not having been moved for ages.

She dropped to her knees and covered her face with her bloodied hands. She was exhausted with these sensations. She couldn't stop them and she couldn't stop herself from crying. She couldn't stop the constant whirlwind of thoughts from running rampant through her mind.

She cried until she could cry no more, curled up into a ball on the cold ground until finally she was so exhausted that she passed out right there.

* * *

Shinji was on his way home, his mood had dropped even lower than he had started the day out with. _Just when I think I'm beginning to understand what's going on in her head…_ He sighed. "I'll never be able to get any closer to her." He mumbled to himself.

Looking around for a moment he found that he was not too far from his school. _I wonder how Kensuke and Hikari are doing. How am I ever going to face them after..._ His heart winced from the stab of pain induced by the memory of Toji. The picture of the smiling jock, basketball in hand flashed through his mind. _How can I ever expect them to talk to me again after I let him die._ He looked at the palms of his opened hands. _How could they ever forgive me... It's my fault he died._ He kicked a pebble against a dumpster as he whispered to himself. "Damn you father."

"Who are you talking to?" An all too familiar voice spoke from behind him, making him jump, not expecting someone to be listening to what he was saying, not expecting anyone to be around for that matter.

As he turned around he saw that boy again. _Nagisa… what a creep_. He thought, then said. "Oh… it's you. It's not polite to follow people around you know."

"I'm not following you. I just happened to meet you by chance." The boy said, as always with that smile on his lips. Noticing the frown on the brown-haired boy's face, his smile dropped somewhat. "You don't seem to be particularly pleased to see me here…"

"That's because I don't like you." Shinji replied, honestly.

"You don't?" The silver-haired boy said, tilting his head slightly, his smile falling in the process. "Why's that?"

 _What are you stupid?_ "Because… I just don't alright…" Shinji said, his frown deepening. The boy remained undeterred as he stepped a little closer to Shinji. "Well… maybe we should spend some time together. I'm sure you'll like me if you get to know me." The boy replied, his smile returning to his face.

"I'm sorry but I don't feel like it… I have enough on my mind as it is. I don't think I could ever like you… and I don't feel much like trying either." Shinji said sourly. He backed away a step from the boy that seemed oblivious to the concept of personal space.

"You are worried are you not? For your friends." Kaworu said, seemingly unfazed by Shinji's comment or tone of voice.

"Don't talk to me like you know me! You have absolutely no idea what I think or what I feel!" Shinji took another step back as Kaworu stepped forward, closing the distance to him once again. "I'm not looking for anymore friends! You should stay the hell away from me, anyway. Everyone that gets close to me gets hurt..."

He started walking away, not noticing the boy following him closely as he lost himself in thought. _I pushed Asuka away today._ He thought to himself dispondently. _I shouldn't have said those awful things. I should apologize to her, though... though I doubt she'll accept it anyway. She hates apologies. She'll just scold me more or hit me again._

"You know, it's not your fault they got hurt. You couldn't have-"

Shinji was startled by the boy and interrupted him mid sentence as he spun around. "Damnit! Can't you just leave me alone?"

He gave the boy a shove and ran off in the direction of his home.

* * *

Fuyutsuki sat alone in his home, a cup of coffee stood before him, but he had not taken a single sip since he had pored himself the cup five minutes ago. So he just sat, silent and still, thinking.

 _Yui… have you seen us lately? Do you see us at all? Can you see? What has become of us… in our journey to salvation we have lost all that makes us human… and now I find myself wondering if we've made the right choice._

He got up from his chair and rubbed his temples for a moment. He took a look at the cup in front of him, its' contents now cold. In a swift move he picked it up and walked to his kitchen, and emptied the cup in the sink. Simply leaving the cup on its' side in the sink, he walked over to the cupboard, and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, and a glass. He pored himself a glass and placed the bottle back in the cupboard, then moved back to sit on his couch.

 _I've let my own grief blind me, for you Yui… but I can't do that anymore… I can't find any justification for what we do to survive, to finish the scenario put out for us._ He sighed and took a sip from his glass, savouring the whiskey in his mouth for a moment before swallowing.

 _We truly believed we could use these children for our own means… what makes that any different from the cruelties of man in the past that we wish to undo with Instrumentality… we don't deserve any of this. Two wrongs don't make a right... And we've done a lot more than two..._

 _I've let myself get caught up in Gendou's grief... and my own. I let myself get caught up in his plans._ He got up from his seat and walked to a painting hanging from his wall. Carefully he lifted the frame from it's hook and set it aside revealing a small safe behind it. Instinctively he looked over his shoulder then back at the lock as he keyed in the numbers of the combination. The mechanics clicked and the keypad beeped in acceptance of the code.

He turned the handle and opened the small door to reveal its' contents. Inside sat a binder, that same binder that held all the evidence he had gathered before he had let himself to be pushed by Gendou to join GEHIRN. Everything he had one day, long ago, wanted to reveal to the world. On top of it sat a small picture. Carefully he grabbed the binder, keeping it level to prevent the picture from falling to the ground.

He closed the safe but let the painting sit where it was as he turned and walked back to where he sat a minute ago. He took the picture in his other hand as he plopped the documents down onto the coffee table and sat down slowly.

He took another careful sip of his drink, then put it down on the coffee table in front of him. _What happened to that man that wanted to bring justice to the world, that wanted to help people… that wanted to put to justice the men that plotted Second Impact._

He looked at the small picture in his hands. It was Yui Ikari holding the still baby Shinji in her arms and close to her chest. A small smile graced her lips as she regarded her son. Beside her stood Kyoko, unmistakable from the same red hair her daughter had inherited from her.

He took another look at Yui before slowly letting his hand fall to his knee, picture still lightly grasped between his thumb and index finger. He looked at the glass before him, pondering whether or not to take another sip. Almost hesitantly he moved to grab the glass with his free hand. Once his fingers touched the cold object he decided against it, and sat back on the couch.

He'd often wondered how he could live with himself, with knowledge of the daily cruelties people had to go through because of his organisation, and SEELE. But what was an old man like him to do, if he had tried to go public with his information, he would have surely been killed. _On the other hand, what does an old man like me still have to lose?_

It was strange how little things could change a man's point of view entirely, and he had experienced it first hand. He had found a universal truth only a couple of weeks ago that had turned his world upside down, and had him pondering ever since. The object that had instigated all this within him still laid out on his table before him, the corresponding page in which he had found this truth, still lying open. He moved forward again, and grabbed the magazine, like he had done almost every day since that day.

He spotted the very line that had caught his eye that day in an instant, and read it out loud, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

* * *

Author's notes: I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you all who are reading this and those who have left a review. It's good to know how you feel about the story. I hope more people will leave a review for me, even if it is just a short one. Also, from now on I'll try to put some time into responding to reviews at the end of any new chapters.

 **Lord Razer** : Good to know that you enjoyed that scene with Asuka during the battle with Arael. Since Asuka is the recipient of the attack in the original story of both the anime and manga this will all take a drastically different course, but that doesn't mean she's off the hook. During the original story she is spiraling downward mentally, and it will be no different in this.

The same goes for the tone of this fanfiction. It needs to be dark or it wouldn't feel like NGE, and it is that very darkness that makes Evangelion great. There is a ways to go before the we can start lifting the characters up out of the darkness. After a few chapters I will probably explain a bit more of the background for this story and what themes I'm baseing this on, but unless I want to spoil the story I'd better wait ;)

As for Rei. You can see in this chapter I am not done with her yet. My thought on her process through all this is that it will take her a while to actually discover how deep the rabit hole goes. I'm not convinced that she actually knows all that much about herself, the purpose she was created for or her origins in the original Evangelion lore. Even in the anime and manga she is constantly questioning this. Even up to the point where she dies and is resurrected as Rei III, right after she wonders why she's still alive and for whom.

Anyway, thank you again for reading and hopefully see you at the next chapter! Bye!


	3. Tumbling down

**Shattered**

Disclaimer: I don't own evangelion. It is not my intellectual property, and I make no money out of writing this.

Author's notes: This chapter came suprisingly easy to me. I've basically run out of content from the original posting, but it seems to have been a blessing. Almost all that content has been processed into the first two chapters which gives me the freedom to sort of start anew.

A short technical note: I have updated the formatting of the previous chapters a little bit because some of the layout in my text editor doesn't carry over when I upload documents. Nothing major, and there's no change in content whatsoever, so you can read on without worry of missing anything.

So, on with the story!

* * *

*I have made small edits to this chapter to hopefully better capture Gendo's persona based on some of the points made in _Seeking Professional Help's_ review. Thank you for your honest opinion!

* * *

"Onemississipi"

– denotes speech

 _Twomississipi_

– denotes thoughts

 _"Threemississipi"_

– denotes projected speech, may be through a radio but also an alternate voice in a character's mind. Should be clear from context.

* * *

 **Part III: Tumbling down**

In the distance stood a figure that she recognized. He looked in her direction, blue eyes trained on hers. Slowly he turned from her and walked away. Her body felt like it was made of clay as she tried to make her muscles move, trying to run after the boy, trying to catch up.

Rei moved like she was under water, the environment protesting and resisting her every move. No progress. A disheartening sensation coursed through her body as she realized she couldn't reach him, couldn't move fast enough. Her body unwilling to follow her directions, her surroundings working against her.

The Commander stood over her and grabbed her by the shoulder. She tried to fight but there was no strenght in her arms. Again, they failed to move at her will. Powerless to resist, powerless to act. She wanted to pull loose from the man but all she could do was follow as he pulled her forward.

She wanted to kill the man, fight him to her last breath. Terror, fear, incredible fear rushed through her. She tried to hit him, barrage him with her small arms, but again there was no strenght. He pushed her forward into blackness and all she could do was step into it against her will. Her body was not her own to command.

Darkness. She hung before the white humanoid shape, giant in proportions to her, in a sea of darkness. It called her, whispered in her mind. She hovered before it in mid-air, moving closer and closer to it until its' chest split open and swallowed her whole.

The world in chaos. Whirlwinds of black smoke, earth and dust, like a hurricane around her, spun over the earth at high speed. At the center an illuminated smile. Just a smile, not even a face. Just bright eyes and grinning mouth hidden inside a shadowy and unrecognizable face, burning like a fire being stoked within.

A giant black sphere hung over the world, streams of red whirling, spinning, swallowing into the object. Everyone she knew in her life flashed before her eyes, disolving before her eyes as they passed.

Shinji stood before her. An open-mouthed smile on his face, but with empty eyes. A trickle of blood dripped from his nose and the corner of his mouth. His mouth closed, expelling a gush of blood. The smile stayed, eerily taunting her, as the dead eyes inverted into black in an instant. The boy exploded into a spray of orange a second later.

With a shriek she sat up straight on the dirty floor, cold sweat drenched her clothes, panting heavily like the night before. Her heart pounded like it was trying to rip out of her chest. She looked around as she tried to catch her bearings. After a moment she realized where she was, where she had fallen asleep, and remembered what had happened just a couple of hours before.

She moved to touch her cheek with her fingertips. She could still feel the dried streaks below her eyes, pulling slightly on the skin of her cheeks. Her hands were stained with dried blood, ugly wounds on her palms. They reminded her of her dream the other day, but she managed to push the thought from her mind for once. She felt spent but tried to get up nonetheless. Her legs felt like rubber and it took her a few attempts to get up, stumbling on her unresponsive legs when she finally did.

Slowly she shuffled to the bathroom sink, keeping her eyes away from the mirror that hung over it, and carefully cleaned the blood off her hands. Her breath shuddered and she winced as the cuts reopened slightly, even with her careful handling. She looked at her trembling hands and the small trickle of blood. Silent tears fell from her eyes once more, impacting with the crimson drops in the sink. She finally regarded herself in the mirror.

Her normally vibrant red eyes were dull, a darkness around her eyes a silent witness to the lack of solid sleep. She felt dead inside, and she realized she longed for death. She stood there for minutes, watching the salty fluid run from her eyes, not sobbing or wailing, simply looking. She looked back at her hands. The cuts had stopped bleeding now.

After a minute or so more she walked back into her room. The torn curtain hung limply from its' rail as she walked up to it. She barely noticed the rinkling sound of broken glass skidding across the floor as her feet kicked a part of the broken eyepiece away in her stride.

She opened the sliding door to the balcony and closed her eyes as a soft wind brushed through her hair and passed her clothes. She stepped up to the railing and looked down the four floors below her. She considered climbing over and jumping for a moment, but something stopped her. She wanted to see him once more. For all the terrible memories and sensations she was feeling, there was a difference now to the way the young Ikari felt to her as well. She wanted to feel that once more, before...

The wind ruffled her hair and clothes again, a sensation she hadn't given any thought before, but realized now felt very soothing. Yes, she decided. Today she would go back to NERV once more. She would perform the Synchronisation test as was expected. She would see Shinji again and then she would end it. It would be easier if she went away. She wouldn't have to feel the loneliness anymore. She would be replaced and she wouldn't feel any of this again.

* * *

Kozo stood wide-eyed, hands mid way through putting on his uniform jacket, as he saw a familiar object sitting in between the documents he had left on the coffee table the night before. His heart seemed to have stopped for a moment when he recognized it, and frozen him in place. Slowly he regained his composure, and hesitantly reached out to grab it.

It had been a long time since he had read this, had forgotten about it for a long time. These had been her last words to him. Words from the grave for all intents and purposes. Yui must've written the letter just the night before the contact experiment, and he hadn't received it until days after the incident.

Fuyutsuki's hands trembled as he slowly he pulled the carefully handwritten letter out of the envelope that had not been sitting between the documents within the binder. Unfolding it carefully he held it ever so gently between his fingers, scared to tear or smudge it, as if it was an ancient document uncovered from a tomb, fragile, disintegrating when handled carelessly. Slowly he began reading.

 _My dearest Kozo,_

 _I write this letter to you with a heavy heart, because I know it must pain you to have to carry this burden. Perhaps I am hoping to encourage you like this because I fear Gendo will be broken by what I have to do. You do not trust him, but I know him to be kind and sensitive. Don't be fooled by his harsh exterior. Guide him for me please and make sure that my son is well._

 _As a scientist, I am not one to believe in fate, but I can see this chain of events and I see where this will lead. I dread there is no other way to stop this. We have all been caught in this web of lies and deceit and it leaves me doubting my beliefs. Therefore, if there is such a thing as fate than I feel this is the part I must play._

His eyes began to water, the words on paper echoing as the brown haired woman's gentle voice within his mind. He chin quivered as he went on.

 _You may not have been able to tell the world about this tragedy, but you can help protect humanity by keeping the ones I love so dearly safe. I feel this is the only option I have left. I see no other way to stop the storm that awaits us if we let the commitee follow through with their plans unopposed. Please, keep Gendo from straying from the path. I'm sure he doesn't understand right now, but when the time is right I hope that you will tell him that all this was my choice. It is the only way I can protect my Shinji, my husband, and you._

A teardrop fell from his eyes and onto his hand. He wiped at his eyes frantically and dried his hand on his trousers with a slight sense of panick, afraid to besmudge the woman's last testament that she had entrusted to him.

 _I'm sorry that I couldn't love you like you love me. I could say that perhaps if things had been different I would have, but I cannot lead you on. I respect you too much for that. I will not deceive you into helping me. You are an honorable man, and although I know you are full of doubt, perhaps even cynical about people, I trust in you to do the right thing._

He inhaled a jagged breath and attempted to keep himself together. His breath caught as more tears fell, compelling him to stop for a moment to let out a shuddering breath before continuing on.

 _If you can find a way to stop this any other way, then try. Perhaps you will find a it, someday, somehow. Even if you discover that you cannot stop it, I know in my heart that you will have done all you could, and I will try my best to do whatever I can when the time comes. Stay strong and don't despair._

 _With love,_

 _Yui_

His eyes fell shut and he remembered his one time student and love. He remembered that moment when they had met by the lake. When she had told him what she was going to do. He had explained that he wanted to expose SEELE and GEHIRN, but that they had threatened him with his life. She had told him to keep faith and to wait for when the time was right.

For a moment doubt caught up with him again. He had promised himself the night before he wouldn't let it go any further, but the letter had scared the wits out of him just now. Was he too late? Yui hadn't seen a way out 11 years ago, why would now be any different? He hadn't been able to tell Gendo of her plan, of her will to protect Shinji from within the core of Unit-01. He hadn't been able to keep Gendo from falling apart and going astray. He had failed in every aspect. The further along he went, the harder it became to do anything but just follow along.

 _No! No more hiding. No more running away._ He had let himself be swallowed up by his grief, just like Gendo, and had followed in his madness in the search to reunite with his love. But Gendo's scenario was unraveling at the seams, and the man's attempts to set it straight once more we're now becoming more and more wretched. If he didn't go through with this, how could he ever face Yui again. He would have no right. He would have betrayed her, he would betray himself.

 _Yui... I'm sorry I have let it get this far. I will try, for you... I cannot stand by and do nothing any longer, even if I'm just an old man._

* * *

"This part of the brain..." Ritsuko said, as she pointed at the picture of a cross section of Rei's brainpatterns from the fMRI scan. "...governs both physical and emotional pain. As you can see it's lit up like a christmas tree. The same goes for the part of the brain that's most associated with stress and anxiety... this is unusual... well for Rei at least. Since she isn't harmed and she says she isn't experiencing any physical pain she must be in emotional distress."

The Commander's look gave her some satisfaction. It was minimal, and hard to pick up, but she could see it. He was displeased with this. The Sub-Commander behind him gave no outward reaction to this news, simply staring off into the distance out the window of the office, a pensive look on his face.

"Also, Maya did some analysis on the synchronisation data from yesterday. We're not sure what it means yet, since there's so much we don't know about the connection between the pilots and the Eva's souls, but there are significant spikes in the graph. At moments the Ego Borderline between Eva-00 and Rei crossed even though it didn't lead to a loss of the self."

The man simply stared at her for a moment. "Continue..."

"Well... It's unclear in what way it's connected with the fMRI scan results, if it is at all. They might just be the effect of the Angel's attack on her mind. However, we have not seen a pilot cross the borderline without absorption into the core until now."

"And her synchronisation test is due today?" Gendo responded immediatly.

"Yes."

"Good. See to it that it is done." He stood from his desk and walked towards the doctor, snatching the report she held from her hands. He turned his back towards her as he went over the document, walking first to the window overlooking the Geofront and then to his desk. Fuyutsuki seemed to have snapped out of his thoughts at Ikari's words, but otherwise said nothing.

Ritsuko looked on with some amusement over the man's change in demeanor. _How does this work out for your scenario?_ Her mood soured however when she read his expression as the man stood behind his desk. __He's worried about her.__

Gendo took a long drawn out breath and spoke, taking a moment to rub his bearded chin as he did so. "If she cannot perform her task..." He stopped mid sentence as he plopped the document onto the hardwood piece of office furniture and sat down behind it once more. He placed his hands, fingers intertwined, just under his nose as he always did.

"If she's not able synchronize..." Gendou continued but stopped again, not moving from his typical position behind his desk but closing his eyes as he thought about the conundrum that faced him now. "Perhaps it is better to forego synchronisation results at all and replace her, but with the test scheduled so soon we might as well wait."

He lowered his head for a moment in thought, his hands still bridged across his desk in front of him. Ritsuko could see him running the numbers in his head as he tapped his forehead against his hands twice, a rare sight, one that only she and Fuyutsuki would ever get to see. He looked up at the doctor sternly. _He has decided._

"If she is to perform badly you will call her in for a medical examination as soon as possible. You will have to dispose of her and replace her."

Ritsuko had to hide her shock. He was going to let her do his dirty work for him? She wondered if she might get some satisfaction from it. She felt strangely conflicted about this. She despised the clone, but being the one to _dispose_ of her was something else.

"I cannot let this interfere with my plans to reunite with Yui."

Fuyutski exchanged a glance with the doctor, opting to keep silent in the shadows. He kept to his thoughts, not expecting a compassionate ear. Not from either of the two. His eyes stayed trained on the doctor for a moment, shock and anger apparent in her face even though she was visibly trying to hide it.

 _Rei too is just a pawn... even if she resembles Yui._ He had always thought the clone to be an abomination. Even if he couldn't hate the girl herself, it was a herasy to Yui's memory in his eyes. He still couldn't understand what his young student had seen in the man that sat before him. _We're all just pawns._ The Commander turned his head slightly towards the man standing behind him as if sensing his apprehension, but didn't move otherwise to look at the man as he spoke. "And you Sensei... no words of condemnation this time?"

The old man scoffed audibly at the remark. "Would it matter?"

An intake of breath and a thoughtful sigh emanated from the bespectacled man behind the desk. "No... it would not." He had reverted to his cold self. "That is all Dr. Akagi... you may leave." He said finally as he gave the woman a dismissive wave of the hand.

Ritsuko didn't say a word as she spun on her heels and marched out the door. _That bastard._ She had to contain herself from stomping as she walked out the door. _Anything for his fucking dead wife. He doesn't even hide it in my presense anymore..._ A disgusted shiver snaked through her gut at the thought. _No matter how many times I let him fuck me. I give my body to him..._ A pang of hurt followed her disgust. _...but I'll never have his heart._

She walked through the empty corridors. It was still very early in the morning and the midnight skeleton crew was yet to be rotated out for the daily full roster. After some time she reached her office and sat down behind her console. She clicked on the monitor and sat back in her chair.

She was disgusted with herself she realized, hated herself even more than she hated the blue-haired clone, more than the Commander's dead wife. She hated herself for getting caught up in all this, for helping him achieve his sick goals. But most of all, she hated herself for falling for him like her mother did. _He uses everyone as long as he can, then, when he no longer has a use for them, he discards them. Just like mother... Soon he'll discard me as well._

She sat in silence for a while, simply staring at the desktop the screen displayed. Her eyes moved to the picture next to it, displaying her, her mother and Gendou. Her eyes shifted to Naoko and stayed there.

 _Mother. I'm beginning to understand… why you did that, that night. And to think I fell for him just like you did_. She sighed, putting her head in her hands, elbows on the desk for support. "Like mother, like daughter." She whispered cynically into the empty room. "Both passed over for that… that little wench. Used as a doormat."

 _Even she's more important to him than me… the one he's confided in for that past decade. After all I've gone through for him, after all the pain and humiliation!_ She squinted her eyes closed, trying to keep herself from crying over the man she loved once, yet loathed so much now.

* * *

Fuyutsuki stood silently looking at the giant purple Eva towering over him, even from the gantry he was standing on. People would start flowing into headquarters soon, but for now he still had some time to think alone. "I've decided." He whispered, adressing the soul residing inside. "I found and read your letter again today, and I have decided." The mecha remained still of course, but he hoped somehow she could hear him within.

"I couldn't tell Gendo... I'm sorry." He admitted. "Perhaps if I hadn't waited so long I could've changed his mind, but as it is now I don't think I can stop him from heading down this path." He sighed as he put his crossed arms over the railing, leaning into it for support. "He's going to kill the girl. She reminds me of you, Yui... although I know she's not. If I don't stop him he will use her to try to reunite with you and... and although I've longed for it as well I know it is not right." He swallowed, though his mouth felt dry. "I can't be that selfish after having seen her change so much. Shinji seems quite fond of her, too. It would destroy him if I let Gendo have his way... and I can't let that happen."

He bit his lip unconsciously as he nodded at the machine in silent determination. "If I fail I know you will be there. I just wanted you to know that I tried." He took his hands from the railing and slid them into his pocket as he walked away. He stopped for a moment and looked back at the Eva over his shoulder, then continued and left the cage.

Slowly he made his way to the control room overlooking the test-cage where Unit-00 was being set up. In a couple of hours they would attempt to have Rei synchronize with it again, if she didn't succeed Gendo would dispose of her.

He walked up to the reinforced glass and regarded the machine's one cycloptic eye, knowing full well what lay within, what Ritsuko and Gendo had done to obtain another operational Eva unit. He had silently consented when he found out about their plans for the prototype, figuring desperate times required desperate measures. He couldn't deny the cruelty of it however. He had let his silence, and lack of action speak for him too often now.

* * *

 _"Plug lock-in procedure completed."_

Rei sat in the entry plug as the techs on the bridge went about their business, running through the initial startup procedures for the Evangelion. She had somewhat dreaded getting back into Eva before now, had met the thought of stepping back into it with trepidation. But now that she was seated on the soul's throne she felt strangely at ease. She didn't pay much attention to the voices filtering through the command channel.

 _"Initiating first stage interface."_

There was a lingering presence there, one she had always felt, but not of the same intensity it once was. It was that presence that had visited her during the Angel's violation of her mind. It was a silent companion in the Evangelion. Absentmindedly she wondered if the other pilots felt something similar. It was like a part of... of her? _Is it the same for the others? Is it the same for Ikari-kun?_

 _"Initiating power-up sequence..."_

 _"A10 neural synapses operating. The signal is weak but within functional parameters."_

 _"Good enough, continue with the procedure as normal."_

 _"Roger, opening reciprocal circuits."_

She closed her eyes for a moment as the connection tingled in the back of her mind, cherishing the relaxed feeling she hadn't experienced in days. In Eva, with her companion, as small as it felt now, she felt somewhat safe. She dared venture back to the event of two days prior in her mind. _A part of me... There is a part of me inside Eva?_

A whisper floated through her mind. _"I am you..."_

 _Yes..._ She remembered as the words of the presence echoed in her mind. She had nearly forgotten how it had started, the terrible memories and sensations that came after had almost eclipsed it entirely. She had a silent understanding now of what had occurred. This was her. Some part of her.

 _"Together we are whole..."_

A rushing feeling overcame her, as if she was falling into a deep chasm. It was strangely welcoming. The rush of wind she felt in her fall was chilling but not unpleasant somehow. Goosebumps crawled across her back and up her arms, finally overcoming the entirety of her body as she shivered. A bright flash of light came rushing up before her, like the sun's rays reflecting in the ocean. She gasped and jolted in her seat as the fall ended into it. Her eyes shot open and she was back in the plug, finally noticing the voices of the techs flooding through the comms.

 _"What the fuck just happened?"_ It was the Major's voice.

 _"No idea! All systems were functioning nominally, then the connection just... just_ _ **severed**_ _."_

She recognized the voice of the petite female tech as she responded. _"I can confirm. There wasn't even a cascade effect... all connections just cut at once. Eva-00 is inactive."_

 _"...Uhh... Ok. Status on the pilot?"_

 _"Elevated heartbeat, but nothing else out of the ordinary."_

 _"Rei, what happened?"_ Misato inquired.

Rei simply stared ahead as her heartbeat regained its' normal cadence, her breathing slowly returning to normal as well.

 _"_ _ **Rei?**_ _Can you hear me?"_

"Yes, Major Katsuragi..."

 _"What happened?"_

"I... do not know." She responded truthfully.

 _"...R-roger... are you up for another try?"_

She had to think about that for a moment. The presence she felt before was gone, the comfort she felt had whisped away. She was alone in Eva. _It won't matter._ She knew somehow, intuitively, but she didn't voice the thought.

 _"Rei?"_

"Yes, ma'am." She finally responded.

 _"Very well. Restart linkup procedures from step 42."_

* * *

Kaworu stood silently on the bridge, looking out through the heavily reinforced windows. His eyes shone with glee over what had just passed. Even now, the crew was trying to restart the Eva. He knew it was no use, his tinkering had made sure of that.

"It's no use... There's just... no connection at all. It's like there is nothing to connect _with_." Hyuga reported as he read out the data streaming across his terminal.

Maya sat silently behind her console, looking up at the blonde doctor next to her. Her finger pointed silently at some point in the graph on her screen, and the doctor seemed to nod in understanding. What it said exactly, Kaworu didn't know. He didn't have to see to know, really.

The young tech dropped her hand away from the screen as she talked in a hushed tone that he could only barely make out from his position. "The whisper in the signal was there as always, but very low, just before startup. Synchro spiked for 0,01 second and dropped." He doubted anyone else had overheard.

Ritsuko looked away from the graph and the tech and turned towards the blue mecha in the gantry. A pensive look crossed her face as she brought her hand to her chin and rubbed it in astonishment. _It is like the contact experiments... just reversed. She crossed the Ego borderline and integrated what sat in the core instead of being absorbed herself._ She wasn't sure if she should be worried or impressed. _This is going to complicate things._

Finally she turned to the room and its' staff. "That's enough everyone. That's the fourth try now, and we're getting nothing."

Hushed murmers started filling the room. After a moment Misato asked what was on everyone's mind. "Dr. Akagi... what happened? What does this all mean?"

The blonde sighed and leaned back against the console she was standing by, hands falling back to her sides then placed on the edge for support. "I don't know..." She was lying through her teeth. In fact, she had a pretty good idea on what just happened, but only she and Maya seemed to have noticed. Thankfully the short haired brunette was discrete enough not to say anything, though she looked at the doctor she so admired in a slightly surprised manner for having lied so blatently.

She raised herself back on her feet from her leaning position and looked at the silver-haired boy standing in the back. "You... Nagisa. You're up next." She knew it wouldn't matter, but she was going to keep up pretenses for now. The boy walked forward, a soft smile on his face. "Very well." He said as he exchanged a knowing glance with the doctor, to which a pinge of surprise and a narrowing of the eyes crossed her face. With a steady pace he walked off to the pilot's dressing rooms.

Pushing her surprise aside, Ritsuko continued. "Everyone, reconfigure for a new pilot. It looks like Rei is no longer able." She couldn't tell everyone what just happened. If her conclusions were correct than saying anything more would alert the more suspicious minds amongst the crew. Her eyes fell on the Major, standing with arms crossed and regarding her with narrowed eyes. _She might already suspect something._ The other techs would undoubtedly know something was up as well.

Indeed the Major felt something was awry. Ability to synch or not on part of the pilot, the giant fighting machines would at least activate for the primary protocols of the startup procedures. Instead, now there was nothing. _What is she hiding? Why is she acting like business as usual?_

For now, she decided, it would have to wait. Two could play this game. _What, does she take me for a fool?_ She was going to find the woman later and give her the third degree. The hushed tones in which she talked with Maya just now, the way she had mistreated Rei the day before, all the suspicious behavior lately was getting on her nerves. Even that exhange of glances between the boy and her just now. _What the_ _ **fuck**_ _is going on?_

At least that smugness from the day before was no longer present on her old friend. She let her arms drop and walked over to the intercom connected to the blue mecha's pilot. "Rei... we're going to abort startup. You can get dressed and go." She wasn't going to let the girl go through another one of Ritsuko's heavy handed examinations this time.

 _"Yes ma'am."_ The reply seemed almost relieved.

Ritsuko turned back to the Eva cage but looked sideways at the Major through the corner of her eye. She knew what all this meant. What she would have to do. But for now she had to play her part as the stumped scientist. _Keeping up appearences. I'll have to deal with the girl later._

Turning her head back to the mecha she realized what they were about to do was very dangerous. _If there's no soul in the core than letting that boy attempt synchronisation could..._ She stopped herself as she realized she didn't care anymore. _Whatever happens, happens._ She sighed in resignation.

That boy looked so much like _her_. She was aware that Seele had sent him. She was aware, as was the Commander, that the boy was dangerous. What his true purpose was exactly she didn't know, but the fact that the old men had pushed him forward was enough to give her pause. _Too many secrets. I can't keep track anymore. Can't keep up with all the lies._ The resemblance of his features to Rei was uncanny. The pale skin, red eyes, and knowing her origins removed all doubts about the boy's. He was not what he seemed.

The Sub-Commander had remained silent in the corner of the room, arms crossed. If the doctor made a move to follow the blue-haired clone he would find a way to stop her. He wasn't sure how, but he would distract her for just long enough to prevent her from doing anything today. If he could win some time maybe he could find a way to save the girl.

For now, the doctor seemed preoccupied however, staying for the synchronisation test of the young Kaworu. He too knew that it was bound to fail, and he too knew that appearances had to be kept. He would let this play out. Knowing SEELE and their scenarios, something was surely up.

The doctor looked his way with a questioning gaze. For all she knew he was still the complacent Sub-Commander in Gendo's plot. He nodded to her in encouragement and she nodded back.

His eyes fell on the Major who did not seem at all pleased with Ritsuko. Perhaps he would find an ally in her in all this. _She was close with Kaji Rouji after all._ He determined, and decided he would have to test the waters with the raven-haired women. She was sharp, had a healthy sense of right and wrong, and wanted to find out the truth. The corners of his lips tugged up ever so slightly. _Yes..._ He realized as he supressed the small smile forming on his lips. _The Major can help me protect the children._

* * *

Shinji sat quietly on the ground with his back against the corridor wall. The NERV HQ hallways were quiet with everyone at their posts for the synchronisation tests for Rei and Kaworu. He wasn't really sure why he came here today, there was no real need for him to be here but somehow he felt like he had to talk to Rei. Really he had wanted to wait for her the day before, but after his fight with Asuka he had lost the courage to stay.

He felt exhausted having caught hardly any sleep that night. He hadn't spoken to Asuka anymore either, who had spent the entire day making a point of ignoring him blatently. In the end she had run off to stay over at Hikari's place for dinner. He had tried to apologize to her when he ran into her at their appartement as she was leaving, but she simply pushed passed him when he asked her where she was going. _"As far away from you as possible, Third. Hikari's if Misato asks!"_

Today he had in turn avoided her, and going to NERV was better than staying at home with her. The tension between them was painfully obvious, and he felt like he was walking on eggshells whenever he was in the vicinity of Asuka. Even an accidental glance was enough to set her off now. He had thuroughly cocked everything up between them when trying to assert himself for once. Yet it felt good to have done it somehow. She was in a foul mood lately, and she took out her ire on him. She was suffering from her declining results and defeats as of late, he knew that, but he couldn't help his outperforming her. Hell, he didn't even like piloting, but reminding her of that only managed to infuriate her more. _I just don't know what to do or say anymore, she just gets angry either way._

He sighed as he thought of the redhead that was pushing him away. _And now Ayanami is pushing me away as well. We've grown closer since we first met... but now I wonder if it won't go any further._ He groaned as he put his head in is hands, not understanding what he had done to deserve this. _I just... want to be closer to her._ He groaned again when the realization of what he just thought hit him. _Why is this so hard?_

* * *

Rei bumped into Kaworu as she stepped out of the changing room and into the shared space the two sections held. It appeared the boy had been waiting for her, already clad in his plug suit, just leaning with a relaxed posture into the wall besides the exit.

They stared at eachother for a moment, the small smile gracing the boy's lips making Rei uncomfortable. Unconsciously she grasped her arm just below the elbow, trying to put something, anything, inbetween her and the boy as she shrank away under his piercing gaze.

Suddenly the boy spoke up, making her jump ever so slightly in her place, even though his voice held a gentle kindness. "Hello miss Ayanami." The courteous way he adressed her made her drop her defenses a bit, but nevertheless her hand slid up her arm further, highlighting the discomfort she felt. She grasped slightly at her arm as she surprised herself with a question that bubbled up to the top of her mind. She spoke it softly. "That night." She said, as she recounted her first meeting with the boy. "You said we were similar. What did you mean?"

His eyes raised in what appeared to be surprise. "Ah, I wasn't sure if you'd remembered." He smiled. "Well, can I tell you a secret?" He asked with a slight deviousness hinting in his voice. It wasn't really a question, and she didn't respond other than with a slight tilt of her head indicated her curiosity. _I've got her full attention._ "You and I are made for a similar purpose." His eyes narrowed as he pushed away from the wall he leaned against, stepping closer to her. "Both of us are bound by fate, if you will."

Her posture stiffened at his slight approach, but gave no outward response or acknowledgement. "But fate can be changed by choice. You and I, we both have free will as an individual. We can defy that purpose if we wish." Her body indicated discomfort at his words, turning inward ever so slightly.

"And what is my fate?" She whispered.

His voice lowered in response to her body language, a soothing and gentle tone to it. "That I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"Because I don't know..." He said truthfully.

She averted her eyes from his as she remained silent. He stepped a little closer to her, but she didn't further regress into herself. He waited for her to mull over whatever it was that was going through her head. She was looking for answers, but they were not his to give. "I'm sure you can find the answer. You'll be able to piece it together."

"My... dreams." She realized as she relaxed somewhat, looking back up into his eyes.

"Yes."

They stood looking at eachother for a long while before he finally spoke again. "You realize what I am don't you?" She nodded slightly in response and he smiled as if to reasure her that he wouldn't obliterate her right then and there for finding out.

"That is why we are similar..."

"...but not the same." She finished his sentence with barely a whisper.

He smiled widely now, bare teeth for a second. "You might not trust me, I understand." The smile was playful, contrasting heavily with the context of what he was saying. "But it doesn't matter either way." His smile fell, turning into a serious frown. "All I will say is that the choice is yours. What you do with that is up to you."

"And... and if I choose not to follow my... purpose?"

"Then you will have to decide what you'll do from now on. Find a new purpose... or..."

She waited expectantly for the answer, her posture relaxed somewhat as her hand holding her arm slid down to her wrist.

"Or end it, if you are so inclined." His eyes narrowed as he regarded the girl's reaction. The avertion of her eyes from his, a silent admission of the option that occupied her mind most. _There it is..._ The frown eased and that easygoing smile crept onto his lips once again.

She looked back to the boy. "And... and what will you do?"

The smile was replaced with a pensive look. "I haven't decided yet." Silence settled over the two for a moment when suddenly the intercom cracked and came to life.

 _"Pilot Nagisa, report to Cage #3 for synchronisation test."_

The corner of the boy's mouth curled upwards again slightly. "Well that's my que." With that Nagisa turned and stepped towards the automated door that slid open at his approach. Rei stepped forward after the boy, her hand falling away from her wrist as the other arm grasped at the space the boy occupied just a second ago, like her mind grasped for answers.

"Oh... one more thing." He looked over his shoulder at the wide-eyed girl for just a second and spoke just before he exited. "I can see that you have found what you were looking for."

The boy walked out and left her with her thoughts. She stood stock-still and alone for a minute, her face reflecting her frazzled thoughts as she was attempting to wrap her head around the now absent boy's words. After a moment she managed to regain her composure somewhat and stepped outside.

She found Shinji sitting outside on the floor. He looked up at her as she regarded him. Her heart leapt a little as the conversation she just had moved to the back of her mind and to the lost look Shinji gave her. Tentatively she approached him, realizing she felt thankful for the opportunity to see him again. _Just once more._

Her mind had quieted down she noticed. Whatever had happened inside the plug had not been unwelcome, and neither had been the conversation with the mysterious boy, regardless of how uncomfortable he made her feel. Something was different. Things were already different the last couple of days, but now there was a coldness missing that had forever been a part of her life.

 _"Both of us are bound by fate..."_ The words echoed in her mind for just a second.

She stepped up to the brown haired boy as he kept his gaze on her. Gently she bent down slightly and put the tips of her fingers on his shoulder as if to test the waters. His eyes warmed giving her the courage to proceed. She gently moved her hand to rest on his shoulder fully and he gave her a warm smile. A flutter brushed her heart and she couldn't help herself as she reciprocated with the tiniest of smiles. She stood up fully again and the boy followed.

Neither teenager spoke as they passed down the corridors towards the exit. When they finally reached the surface and stepped into sun, already partially obscured by clouds they were greated with an oppressive atmosphere. It was the kind of thick and headache inducing air that precursed a brewing storm. Indeed, dark and ominous clouds approached in the distance.

The two exchanged an expectant look, but neither spoke. They walked in silence, not daring to speak but staying close to one another nonetheless. A short ride on the monorail brought them further away from the underground base as the thunderclouds drifted closer.

They hung over them now, thunder rumbling in the distance. They had reached Rei's apartment not having spoken at all. Both hearts longed for closeness, yet dared not speak of it out of fear of rejection. Finally Rei turned towards Shinji as a slight drizzle started falling around the two, the clouds opening up as if to accent their shared grief.

"I... must leave now." She said softly, not looking into his eyes. Before she could turn the boy grabbed her by the hand, stopping her halfway. "Ayanami..." He whispered, unconsciously rubbing the top of her hand with his thumb. His mouth opened to say something, but he couldn't find the words. Finally her eyes met his.

The look in his eyes was too much to bare, the friendship he offered apparent in them. It made her heart feel lighter for it, eased the pain for just a moment. Her heart quickened and she swallowed against the lump in her throat. She wanted to say at least something before she left the boy, and found the only one thing she could to encourage the boy to let her go. "I am... alright."

She tugged her hand away from his carefully, and he let it slip through his fingers, both their hands falling limply to their sides. "Thank you..." She whispered. "Goodbye." She turned and started up the steps leaving the boy standing lost behind her. Every step closer to her door increased the painful heartache she was feeling. Repressing the tears and the loss that twisted her insides was now inducing an almost physical pain inside her.

 _"You will have to decide what you'll do from now on. Find a new purpose... or end it..."_

She twisted the handle of her unlocked door and stepped inside. She was truly useless now. Eva would not move for her any longer. She was without purpose. Ending it would be better. _I have decided._ Her heart sank at the thought of the boy left standing downstairs. _For once_ _ **I**_ _have decided._ She thought, ignoring the doubt that sat in her heart. _It will be over soon._ She determined.

She stepped forward into the hallway as the drizzle that had started earlier was now picking up in intensity, pattering against her balcony window. The apartement was still a mess from her attempt to vent her anger the day before. She didn't care, she wouldn't clean it up and doubted her replacement would. This was no longer her home. No. It had never been home, but a cage. _Nothing but a prison._ A flash lit up her apartement for a split second as the lightning storm outside had now pulled in right over Tokyo III. A moment later the thunderous clap ripped through the air so loud that she could feel it in her chest.

The rain was now turning into a harsh downpour as the flashes and thunder continued, varying in intensity. She slid open the door to the balcony as the winds poured in. The torn curtain, her dress and hair rustled in the wind. The muffled sound of the rain impacting with its' surroundings through the glass was now a loud cacaphony. She breathed in the fresh air smelling of rain and stepped into the downpour up to the balcony railing. She closed her eyes for a second as the rain overcame her, soothing her and cleansing her with its' cold embrace.

Her hands clasped the railing before her, cherishing the feel of the cold wet steel beneath her fingers like she had never before. She ran her hands along it slightly, feeling every imperfection in it. She relished in the feeling, the rain wetting her face and clothes, the sound of thunder over the city.

Her body moved on it's own, despite the doubts. She was grateful, she realized. _To feel this for once. To feel fully, if only for these lasting moments._

* * *

 _"Goodbye..."_ The words echoed in Shinji's mind. He was still standing at the foot of the stairs leading up four flights to Rei's apartment. He couldn't move. He couldn't go home. She had not said that since he requested her to abandon that sad farewell. This was it. Fear pierced his heart with a cold sting. Fear for what the girl might do. Finally his legs moved of their own accord as he took a took a tentative step up. He was breathing heavily, not noticing the rain and thunder picking up in intensity as he slowly moved up towards Rei's apartement, his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

He moved slowly, fearing every step of the way. Fearing for what the girl might do. He was afraid he would be too late to stop her but couldn't make his legs work any faster. _Stop her? From what? Is... is she going to kill herself?_ His heart ached in the realization at her words, at everything she had said to push him away since the Angel's attack. _I think she's going to kill herself._ Was she deliberately pushing him away then to make this easier? Did she thank him just now because he hadn't run away? _Was this her final goodbye?_

Shinji found himself in front of the door of apartement 402. The door was left slightly ajar, ticking against the frame as the wind pushed it from within. She hadn't even taken the consideration to close it. He pushed the door open against a heavy draft. "Ayanami?" He called timidly into the empty hallway. Lighting flashed, casting the appartement in a staccato of rectangular shadows, followed by the thunder quickly after. He stepped forward through the wind. The curtain across from him heaved heavily in the wind as he reached the small room that held her bed.

The place was a mess, more than it had been usually. The mirror lay broken on the ground. The dresser upturned next to the curtain that had apparently been torn from its' railing. A flash of light revealed a sillhouette through the curtains, one of a person standing on the balcony. "Ayanami!?" He called through the howling of the wind and roaring sound of the heavy rain outside, thunder cracking and swallowing it entirely.

He stepped forward reaching out his hands as he saw the girl pushing herself up on the railing, one knee already on it. "Ayanami." He whispered, almost not believing what was happening before his very eyes. She steadied herself, two knees on the railing. His heart leapt and he ran forward. "Ayanami. What're yo-..." He stepped on something that shifted under his feet and made him slip as he pushed forward hard to stop the girl. He fell forward but regained his balance just in time to lunge himself towards the girl that was now standing fully erect on the balcony railing. "Rei!"

She was already falling forward when he reached her, arms hanging limply at her sides. With one hand he grasped her dress at the waist and pulled back with all his might, the other reaching around her. He dug his heels into the wet floor as her weight pulled him forward, finally stopping the slide as his feet reached the bottom of the railing. He pulled backward and managed to stop her fall, stretching his legs, pushing with his entire weight. She came reeling back, the sudden shift catching him unprepared as the two teens tumbled back onto the balcony. His knees buckled and his head bounced off the glass of the balcony door with a dull thud. Rei fell onto his lap as they both tumbled gracelessly onto the floor.

Silence reigned for a while, only the wind and thunder making their presence known, the rain slowly wetting the two silent teens as they stayed motionless. Slowly Shinji sat up, ignoring the wet and the pain in his head, and embraced the girl from behind. She didn't protest as he held her close, his chest to her back. She could feel his heartbeat and his warm breath on her neck, shivering at the sensation of closeness. _He followed me. He knew somehow._

Neither dared speak as they sat like that for a few minutes, now fully drenched from the rain. _He wouldn't let me do it._ Eventually the rain and thunder subsided. The sky was still overcast, but the worst of the storm had passed.

 _I stopped her._ The young boy realized as he released the deep shuddering breath he had been holding back all this time. "Rei..." He whispered calmly. "Let's get inside." She nodded slowly in response as the boy's arms left their position around her waist, feeling a pinge of regret for what she had just attempted to do, what she had put the young Ikari through. Carefully Shinji got up to his feet and extended his hand to the girl still sitting quietly. She turned and looked up to him with wide eyes. After a moment she gently took his hand and he pulled her to her feet. Neither moved as they held eachother's gaze, still holding hands.

The calm had returned to the girl's mind, though the act she had intended to commit was still on her mind. _Perhaps if he knew he wouldn't have._ She thought, not knowing what the boy would think of her if he knew the truth. But, she decided, she would take his kindness. She would cherish it while it lasted. His embrace had wiped all doubt, all the intrusive visions, all the pain from her being. _He cares for me..._

He gently tugged on her arm and stepped inside, closing the sliding door as the girl followed behind. She followed the boy as he held her hand and guided her to the edge of the bed. Both children shivered from the cold air chilling their wet clothes. Rei gently sat down on the bed, hands in her lap and looking down.

 _I... I finally saved someone..._ He realized as he sighed in silent relief and sat down close to the blue-haired girl. _I saved her._ She looked at him with a shameful look, realizing how much she must've hurt the boy had she succeeded in killing herself. How she regretted pushing the boy away for the last couple of days.

He met her gaze and his sad and concerned expression broke her. Silent tears started streaming down her face as she snuck her arms around him, crying into his neck as he held her carefully. As if he read her mind Shinji spoke slowly and softly. "Rei... I don't know what you're going through... but I won't leave you. I won't let you leave me either." He swallowed as tears rolled down his own cheeks now. "We promised... remember? Way back? That we would go on living together."

She nodded into his chest as she pulled him closer. He tightened his own embrace as he continued. "Wh-... when you're ready you can tell me... what you think I should know about you..." The girl in his arms sobbed freely at his words. He sniffed away the tears and let out a shuddery breath. "...and I promise... I won't reject you when you do."

Slowly she began to calm down, as did he. She pulled away from him slightly to look him in the eyes. "I..." Her voice caught and she swallowed momentarily. "...I am glad." She whispered. "I am glad that you stopped me."

Shinji reached out his hand to gently brush against her cheek as he looked at her. "I'm glad that I did." He said honestly. Rei reveled in the sensation as she closed her eyes. There was something different about the touch. Like before when they held hands, there was an appreciation for the feeling that she had not sensed before. The touch was more vibrant, the warmth more apparent, the connection more real.

 _"I can see that you have found what you were looking for."_

* * *

Author's notes: I know this chapter was released quickly after the second, even against my own expectations, but don't get your hopes up for future chapters. I had a long weekend and a clear mind that enabled me to cram out this chapter in no time.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and that you will write a review. Even a quick "This sucks" or "I like it" is OK, though some constructive criticism is very welcome. It gives me a sense of whether I should put more time into development of the story or some of the characters. I already feel like I'm bordering on OOC'ness and am trying to walk a very fine line. You're thoughts on this would be appreciated.

On an alternate note; some of you might recognize a certain scene in this. Recently I watched Koe no katachi which I highly recommend and I took some inspiration from it. I won't go into detail about what I borrowed from it because that might spoil the anime for you but anyone that's watched it will probably know what I mean. Hope you liked my take on it.

 **Nerf585** : Thank you for your second review, and glad to hear that you're enjoying the story so far :)

See you all next time!


	4. The beauty in mending broken things

**Shattered**

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

Author's notes: Hello all. Some of you might be thinking; _"What just happened? Weren't we already up to chapter 5?"_ Well... you're right. I got a review with some constructive criticisms from _Seeking Professional Help_ regarding my characterization of Gendo. If you would like to know what he said, please check out his reviews of chapters 2 & 3\. I went back and read through the story, and especially the parts with Gendo, and I had to conclude that he was in fact right.

Basically, it seems I had turned Gendo into a bit of a cartoon villain, which wasn't really my intention but did nonetheless. Therefore I have made some small changes to the previous chapters where Gendo was involved, namely the attitude with which he handled the situation. I do suggest you skip through the previous chapters and reread the parts with Gendo at least to understand what I have done, although they don't affect the rest of the story in a significant way.

However, there is one reasonably significant change to Rei's memory of Gendo in the first chapter during the Angel's mindrape. I have replaced Gendo's monologue for something I think is a little less dramatic and... villainy (is that a word?).

Also, there is an altercation between Gendo and Ritsuko, and Gendo and Fuyutsuki in this chapter that has undergone a big change. Please reread these sections, because they are a significant change from the direction I went in previously. Also, I have decided to add the content of the fifth chapter to this one. Since it was so short I thought it better to consolidate them.

I'm sorry for not being more diligent in my writing and force this upon you, the reader. Basically I have been trying to push content out really fast and haven't checked my content well enough.

This also has a bit to do with not having a pre-reader, which I am still looking for. Someone to second-guess my assumptions and direction would be a great help to prevent getting lost in my own story, and the need I feel to push content more quickly. Please, if anyone is interested in pre-reading this let me know through a PM.

From now on I will at least take some more time rechecking chapters and hopefully spot these kinds of mischaracterizations. In other words, there will be some more time inbetween releases of chapters from now on.

Another small change was made to this chapter's last interaction between Rei and Shinji. I basically changed one bit to get rid of some WAFF. On second thought it seemed like a bit much and I chose to remove it and give their developing relationship a little more time.

Anyway, on with the story!

* * *

"Onemississipi"

– denotes speech

 _Twomississipi_

– denotes thoughts

 _"Threemississipi"_

– denotes projected speech, may be through a radio but also an alternate voice in a character's mind. Should be clear from context.

* * *

 **Part IV: The beauty in mending broken things**

Asuka was walking through the city on her own. The day before she had run off to go over to Hikari's place, but that was not an option anymore she realized. When she had called the pony-tailed girl that she was coming over an uncomfortable conversation had followed. It appeared the young pilots were now personea non gratea with their classmates. _"It's... just not the same anymore..."_ The girl had said, the words running through Asuka's mind. _"To act like... like friends after all that's happened..."_

She couldn't really blame the girl, but it had angered her nonetheless. Another person that had abandoned her. Another person to cross off the list. It hurt, she realized, to be shunned like this. _Us pilots... so called 'saviors' of the world..._ She thought sourly. _We're nothing but a burden to the people around us... dangerous to be around._ She kicked an empty can as she walked along the sidewalk, face down at her feet.

 _I've always felt like I can only count on myself... but then why does it hurt so much?_ She thought as an empty pain stung her heart. _Alone again._

She had wandered the city alone yesterday, just walking aimlessly to be anywhere else but in the apartment with Shinji, much like she was doing today. Shinji had left the apartment early and she had been alone in the house. "That idiot..." She muttered, but the words didn't really ring true. The truth was that she felt very much alone, and even if she sometimes couldn't stand Misato and Shinji, she had grown accustomed to their presence. Now, staying alone in the apartment only pained her more.

She had sat in front of the television set like she often did, but had not even picked up the remote to turn the thing on. All alone with her thoughts, painful memories that she had tried to bury were drifting to the surface. _Mama... why'd you have to leave me alone._

A slight drizzle started falling and thunder rumbled in the distance. Finding a small overpass she hid underneath as the thunder increased in intensity, and the drizzle turned into a heavy downpour. She was standing in the dark underneath the bridge, shivering from the cold air that was blowing through the narrow streets. She hadn't really thougth of bringing a jacket or even an umbrella.

She looked up to the sky at the breaking clouds, past the traffic lights dangling from the overpass above. It silhouetted against the light coming from above when a bright flash of lightning and rocking clap of thunder made her jump. For a moment the dangling of the lights in the wind brought up a painful memory. Two feet. A nightgown. A figure hanging from the light fixture, swaying slightly.

 _No!_ She screamed internally as she mentally tried crushing the memory from her mind. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the shock, her heart pounding in her chest. _Don't..._ "...think." She whispered to herself, clutching her head as she finished the thought verbally, the storm increasing in intensity while she remained where she stood.

She felt so alone, standing out here in the cold, pushed away from the ones she loved. _Like then._ She couldn't stop herself from going to that dark place. _Like mommy..._ She sobbed as she collapsed onto her knees.

* * *

Shinji silently looked around the room as he sat on the bed next to a sleeping Rei. They had sat together in silence for a while when the girl had suddenly nodded off to sleep. She must've been very exhausted from the last few days, he realized when he heard her breath even out and deepen while the girl slumped against his side. Slowly he had guided her down onto the bed and let her rest while he looked over her.

His eyes caught sight of two ugly scars on the palms of her hands and he wondered how they had gotten there. He would have to bandage those and ask how she got them when the girl woke up, but for now he would let her rest.

Now he sat alone with his thoughts, thinking about what to do. The apartement was a mess and he felt a slight urge to clean up. He decided against it, however. It didn't feel right to clean the place up, really. It should be abandoned. This place was rotten and he had to get the girl out of here somehow.

He wondered if Misato would let her stay over at their place if he asked and explained. Leaving her on her own here was absolutely out of the question, he determined finally as he regarded her sleeping form. There was no way she could be left alone in this state, there was no telling what she might do to herself if left by herself.

Slowly he got up from where he was sitting and moved carefully around the room, avoiding the mess on the floor in order not to wake the girl with any unnecessary noise. A familiar item caught his attention between the broken pieces on the floor as he slowly bent down to inspect it. Carefully he picked up the broken pieces of glass, some stained with blood. _That must be how she got the wounds on her hands._ He realized as he gathered the larger pieces from the ground, making his way to the item that had first caught his attention.

Hesitantly he picked up the broken frame. It was one of the eyepieces of his father's glasses, broken at the bridge of the nose. The leg hung loosely from the hinge, barely connected by a small piece of metal that was bent out of shape. _G. Ikari._ He read as he had done months prior. _She must've tried to break them with her hands._ He realized as he inspected the piece, carefully avoiding the dried blood covering it. _Does she hate father as well?_

A soft mumble emanating from the bed pulled him out of his thoughts as he looked over his shoulder. Slowly he stood up, carefully cradling the broken pieces in the palm of his hand, and made his way over to the bed again. The girl regarded him through half closed eyes, her gaze falling to his hand. Slowly she sat up on the bed and looked back at the boy's eyes as he sat down next to her.

"I... I found this, Ayanami." The boy said, abandoning the familiarity with which he had adressed her earlier unconsciously. She breathed slowly as she kept her eyes on his, then finally looked back at the broken piece of eyewear. "Discard it." She whispered.

"Ayanami-..." He began, interrupted by the girl's hand reaching out tentatively to touch his forearm. "You..." She began with a low voice, then continued slightly louder. "You called my name, earlier." She said as she looked intently into his eyes. He nodded in understanding.

"Rei..." He said, swallowing momentarily. "We... we should get out of here. I... I don't think... I don't want you to stay here. Do you want to get out of here?" He looked at the girl expectantly, concern written over his face. The girl regarded him for a while, then nodded in affirmation.

He looked at the hand still cupping the broken glasses and slowly let the pieces fall from his fingers back onto the ground, the noise filling the silence in the room. When the pieces settled silence reigned again for a while until Shinji broke it. "Rei... do you have a first aid kit or something? We need to bandage your hands at least." The girl looked at the cuts on her hands and nodded. "In the bathroom..." She explained softly.

Shinji got up and walked into the bathroom to emerge with a small first aid kit he found in the medicin cabinet above the sink. Carefully he took her hands and applied the bandages, unconsciously reveling in the softness of the girl's hands as he held them gently. The girl looked intently at the boy as he worked with a serious look on his face. _Why does he do this for me._ She thought. _He makes me feel... cared for. Less alone._

The boy looked up with a small smile on his face. "There, all better." He said, feeling slightly stupid for his somewhat childish comment. The feeling passed as he found the girl staring at his face intently, a look on hers that he couldn't readily identify.

Rei regarded the boy, looking at his soft eyes, past his nose and to his slightly parted lips. There was an urge to close the distance between them that caught her by surprise. Her heart fluttered for a moment when she looked back to his eyes and realized she was staring at him. She dismissed the urge and looked away, trying to hide the blush that was spreading on her cheeks.

The sight was endearing as Shinji felt his own cheeks warm, vaguely coming to an understanding of the look she had just given him. Butterflies occupied his stomach for a moment, tickling his insides, but the feeling felt out of place somehow. He pushed the thought and feeling away to the back of his mind. _I... I can't think this right now._ The girl still sat facing her head away from him in embarressment. _It would feel like... like taking advantage of-..._ He caught himself mid thought. _Wait what_ _ **am**_ _I thinking?_ He kept his eyes on her nonetheless, the faint blush and the gentle light from outside playing with her features giving her an ethereal look. _She's... she's very beautiful though..._

He sighed and discarded the thought as he stood. _Not now..._ "Rei... let's go." She looked up at him as the blush slowly faded from her cheeks and nodded once before she got up to her feet. Carefully he grasped her bandaged hand as they walked towards the exit and out the door.

* * *

The rain had stopped and Asuka had pulled herself together somewhat. Thankfully no one had seen her in the shadows of the underpass. Even though she had promised never to cry again, she had been unable to stop herself. Why the memories had come to her at this time she didn't know, but she felt incredibly alone.

She had stepped into the slight drizzle after she had picked herself off the dirty street, letting the rain flush away the tears from her eyes. It had felt somewhat cleansing to have allowed the feelings to pass, but she felt drained at the same time. _How am I supposed to pilot like this._ She thought despondently.

 _That boy is already here to replace me._ She thought in error. At the moment she was really still a viable pilot as far as NERV was concerned, but she didn't know that, and the feeling wasn't based just on what the organization thought of her performance. She herself could feel her control of the Eva slipping. Her synchronisation felt dull, the movements of her Eva, even in the last battle, had felt lethargic. She was still in control, but she couldn't feel the connection as she had once had.

She didn't understand Eva at all, she realized. She had thought herself the elite, trained to perfection, but none of that seemed to matter anymore. It was as if the thing had a mind of its' own. And now she was slipping, both in performance and mentally. Building walls around herself for all her life, now she was dependent on others, and that was a tough pill to swallow.

She was violently pulled from her thoughts as she only barely managed to jump out of the way of a honking car barrelling her way. In her trancelike state she had wandered off the sidewalk and onto the road it appeared. _Jesus Christ... that was close._ She thought as her heart raced. It was yet another reminder of her slipping concentration. She was always lucid and ready, not disconnected like she felt now. She stopped for a moment to look up at the sky as she felt her skin warm. The sun had come out from behind the clouds for a moment, she noticed, only to be blocked quickly once again.

She sighed and continued walking, finding that she was thirsty and hadn't actually eaten a thing today. Shinji always made breakfast, but in her attempts to ignore him she hadn't responded to his calls that morning. Her stomach grumbled and she winced uncomfortably. Seeing a vending machine in the distance she quickly ran over, searching around her pocked for some loose change. Finding some, she inserted some coins into the machine and picked a snack.

The retainer slowly turned to release the packet of crisps it held, only to get caught at the last half-inch. _Verdammt._ She cursed mentally in her mother-tongue. With a fist she slammed against the window, her food only a half a foot away, yet out reach. She planted her hands firmly on each side of the machine and pushed with all her strenght. It budged, tilting backwards slightly then falling forward again, a move that Asuka hoped would dislodge the snack from it's stuck position. It didn't help. Another try. Again, no movement. Anger was boiling up in frustration now. _Du... Du...!_ "Verfickte Arschloch!" She screamed at the machine as she started kicking it violently. Yet another machine unresponsive to her inputs.

* * *

Kaworu let the warm water pass over him as he stood motionless under the shower, letting the soothing stream rush over his face and body as he held his head up to it in thought. The first synchronisation test had, as he expected, been a major failure. Sitting in the entry plug he had felt the empty core pulling at his soul. Even for him it had taken great effort to prevent being swallowed whole by the blue mecha. He was exhausted, something he hadn't felt ever. _And so early in the day still too..._

When stepping into the thing he hadn't decided what course of action to take. He could've let himself be absorbed and used the body of the Eva to smash his way to the being sat deep below. There would've been nothing they could've done about it had he chosen to do it. But really it wouldn't have been necessary. He could activate any Eva housing a soul with ease with a little bit of tinkering if he thought he needed to. The only one he had doubts about would have been Unit-01. The soul residing within it was strong and aware, but the red Evangelion surely would've come along. It's soul was shattered and weak in its' current state, and its' pilot unaware of her true potential. Perhaps he should seek her out as well someday.

His mind shifted from Asuka to Rei. He had just encountered the blue-haired girl after her 'failed' attempt and nudged her along her path to self actualization. He was keen to see what had come of his meddling, what path she would take. He hoped he hadn't pushed her too far. He would make a point of visiting the girl today, to see what have become of her.

He sighed as he enjoyed the warm shower a bit longer and finally stepped out. After drying himself off he sniffed his arm. The smell of LCL still lingered, but he didn't care. He stretched and groaned a little, trying to expel the tiredness from his muscles, then relaxed again. Slowly he dressed into the school uniform and started making his way towards the surface.

He had been dismissed for the day. The NERV crew, the blonde doctor especially, would have their hands full explaining what happened. His carefree smile once again graced his features as he made his way through the corridors of headquarters, a small spring in his step as he made his way up. He stepped outside into the wet streets of Tokyo III. Grey clouds were slowly drifting by, making way for the blue skies in the distance, the sun still hiding behind them.

By now the city had settled into it's busy daily routine. Cars sped by and the air carried forth the sounds of the intricate rail system that networked the city. Yet the city seemed empty for its' size. The people were terrified and abandoning the city for less chaotic and dangerous living arrangements. Not many remained that were not connected to the organization that occupied the massive underground base below.

He revelled in all the exciting things he was learning about human beings. Just seeing them going about their daily routines was something soothing to him. He was deeply in thought, his feet carrying him automatically, no particular direction in mind.

Suddenly he found himself in the center of Tokyo III's commercial district when a familiar voice caught his attention. The pilot of Unit-02 violently kicked a vending machine that had apparently swallowed her small change when trying to buy a drink or snack. He didn't understand German, but it couldn't have been anything pleasant judging by her tone. For a moment their eyes met, and a look of shock crossed the half German girl's face. He smiled broadly and she averted her eyes, acting as if she hadn't recognized him at all. She sped off in the opposite direction away from him, the owner of the shop calling after her in anger to the destruction of his vending machine to no avail.

 _Funny_. He thought. _That my feet would carry me to her._ Whether it was coincidence or fate he wasn't sure, but he liked a gamble and let his feet carry him further as he lost himself in thought once again.

Even from the short meeting he had with the redhead before, he knew that she was rejecting the true connection that was possible with the soul residing in her Eva. If only she would find a place for them, truly incorporate all that was in her heart instead of repressing her emotions and memories.

It was a strange thing to the silver-haired boy, the way humans acted on their innermost feelings. Some ran away from them, some acted out in defiance of them, like the pilot of Unit-02, and some chose to meet them head on. But one thing was universal in the Lilin's handling of their mortal souls. They all feared rejection. They all wanted desperately to be closer, but so often pushed away the very ones they wanted to connect with.

 _Yet it gives them such strenght when they do act in accordance with their feelings._ The young boy ruminated. Love and compassion, but also hate and fear of others could push humans to such lenghts. Capable of great evil, but also incredible good. _Why should they choose to abandon it all?_ _How would wiping humanity off the face of the earth do anyone any good? How would it make this world any better?_

He himself was blessed with a consciousness not unlike that of the Lilin, though definately not the same. But he could see the beauty in humanity and their creations. Emotion, if channeled correctly, could create beautifully profound things like music, art, even new technologies that bettered the lives of them all. Angels weren't capable of such things. Yes, they were blessed with the fruit of life, incredibly powerful and almost godlike, but what did they live for? _Just to live? To exist? What use is that with no greater purpose, nothing to strive for? What would be the point?_

What made the committee think that the original heirs of this planet, the Angels that they were fighting, were any better. _**If**_ _that is truly what they believe._ Kaworu added suspiciously. It didn't matter, he wasn't planning on acting on the committee's plan just yet if at all.

He found his feet had carried him to a nearby park when his surroundings lit up as the clouds above covering the city made way for the sun. He looked up and let it warm his face as he faced up with closed eyes. It was still cooler than when he had made his way to NERV that morning, but the sun would take care of that. For a moment he enjoyed the smell of wet grass that permeated the air. When he opened his eyes he was met by the sight of two familiar figures in the distance. _Interesting..._

* * *

Shinji and Rei slowly walked through the city. Rei let herself be led by the boy, who in turn was taking his time getting to the apartment. He wasn't sure if Asuka was home, and how she would react if he came home with Rei in tow. And what would Misato think if they did? Should he call her and ask for permission or something? He wasn't sure of what to do, but for now he would stall. That was something he was quite good at and he couldn't really scold himself for doing it now too much.

In fact, he was slightly pleased with himself. It took courage, he realized, to do what he did today. He looked at the girl by his side that was staying close to him. Their hands had never released, neither he nor the girl seemed intent on doing so, and that was fine by Shinji.

Meanwhile, Rei had also noticed the gentle graps their hands still held. Her heart had been beating quite fast at first, but she was getting used to the sensation, enjoyed it actually. There was something comforting about it, and she held on to that feeling for dear life at the moment. She looked to her side and found Shinji looking at her, again that kind smile on his face that seemed to tug at her heart.

Slightly embarressed for being caught looking at him she returned her gaze forward once more. The cool breeze ruffled her hair and dress. She was noticing the slightest things now. How the wind actually tickled her eyelashes slightly, the scent of wet grass filling her nostrils, the warmth of the sun on her skin. It was something she was quite unused to, but was already fond of. _All of this..._ She realized slowly. _I could've... missed all of this._

They found themselves in a small park and stopped in their tracks for a moment. Rei closed her eyes and inhaled the scent of flowers, not sure what kind it should be. As she opened them again, she found a small bench a few meters away. Stealing a look at Shinji beside her, she found herself drawn to the seat and decided to pull the boy gently towards it. Realizing where she was taking him he slowly led himself be led, and sat down beside her when she did.

Neither teen spoke for a while as they sat silently, comfortably, their hands never leaving their careful embrace. _This is nice._ Shinji realized as he looked at the girl at his side, eyes closed, a relaxed look on her face. _She's... she's so beautiful._ He couldn't help but stare at her and take in her features. There were many things that he had never truly noticed before, usually too nervous around her to fully take them in. It occured to him that her brows and eyelashes were actually blue like her hair, that her fair skin was entirely clear of blemishes, her lips the faintest shade of pink, and that her nose had the slightest upward curve. _Cute..._

She opened her eyes and looked at him curiously, as if she had somehow noticed that he had been staring at her behind closed eyes. Both averted their now wide eyes and blushed, though curiously returned their gaze. Now there was no discomfort between them as the explored eachothers appearance.

Rei looked at the boy's cobalt blue eyes. It was a color she liked, she realized. They were calm, soothing, like water. _He has kind eyes._ She noticed, not for the first time. His face was thin, but handsome. Her eyes fell on his lips like they had before, and that same feeling rushed through her heart. Before she could think any further, a shadow blocked the sun.

It was Nagisa. "You..." Shinji said, but Rei stopped him, sensing his apprehension at the boy's presense, laying her hand atop his over their still clasped hands. He looked over at her curiously.

"Nagisa-kun." Rei said softly.

"Ayanami. Ikari." The boy said formally. Silence fell over the trio for a moment.

"T-thank you." The blue-haired girl said simply.

Kaworu smiled kindly at the two. "I'm glad." He said finally, nodding. He opened his mouth again to say something, his lips smacking a little bit as he did, then closed them again as he looked at Shinji.

Something had calmed the brown-haired boy, and suddenly he felt like he couldn't dislike the strange grey-haired teen anymore. He had seen him exit the changing room earlier that day, just before Rei had come out as well. He hadn't said anything to him, but Kaworu had given him a warm smile as he walked out and had said four simple words as he walked off. _"Take care of her..."_

"Nagisa-kun..." He said finally, sensing that the boy had something to do with everything that had happened today. The boy simply shook his head at him, smile still radiating on his face. Before Shinji could say anything the boy walked off, simply repeating what he had earlier. "I'm glad..."

Rei and Shinji sat in silence as they watched the boy walk off and out of sight. He looked at her, and she met his gaze. "Let's go home." He said simply as they rose to their feet together. Whatever happened, whether Asuka was home or not and however she or Misato would react, he didn't care. He would explain, and it would be alright.

* * *

Misato followed the blonde doctor closely. The synchronisation tests had been failures and the experiment was abandoned. She was out to grill the doctor for her behaviour today and in days past. Finally the two reached the doctor's office and walked in, closing the door behind her, Ritsuko spoke up. "What's on your mind, Major?"

Standing by the door, Misato crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at the doctor standing before her with her back to her. "What is up with you Ritsu?"

She tried feigning innocence even though she was sure it would not work on her old friend. "What are you talking about Misato?" She said as she turned to face the dark-haired woman.

 _Where to start._ She thought as she straightened her pose and inhaled sharply. "Yesterday, what the hell were you doing? Why did you leave Rei alone?"

Ritsuko was feeling the stress of all the lies piling up. She didn't feel like having this conversation much, and she couldn't help herself from bluntly adressing this issue with the Major. "She's used to it." She sighed exasperatedly. "They're all used to it, and if they're not they should **get** used to it!" She snapped at Misato. "This isn´t some fucking daycare center if you haven´t realized. We are fighting a powerful enemy, we´re fighting for survival here!"

Misato was taken aback by the reaction, even though she had been half expecting it. "They're children, they're more fragile than you think, Ritsu!" Whatever her friend was going through, it was no excuse to put the children through the grinder for. "We're having a hard time keeping them together as it is and you go around putting them through hell! What kind of fucking doctor are you?!" That was more harsh than she intended, but she felt compelled to reflect the doctor's attitude.

The women scowled openly at her now, teeth clenched and her own arms crossing in front of her chest as she mirrored the Major before her. "The children have a duty, and if they can't perform their duty they're replaced. Just like you'll be replaced for someone more competent if you fail to deliver! Remember that, **Major**."

Ignoring the comment about herself Misato continued grilling the doctor before her, trying to get some sense of caring from the woman. "And what good will they be when they feel abandoned by the people that are supposed to take care of them? They're not robots!"

"Oh spare me a lecture, you know exactly jack-shit about Rei. You don't know what that blue-haired harlot is capable of!"

 _Harlot? What the fuck is this about Ritsu?_ She thought as she dropped her crossed arms from her chest and spread them in an exasperated manner. "She's fourteen years old Ritsuko! What could she possibly be capable of doing?!"

"You don't know the half of it, Misato! You're too close to the children! You can't keep your feelings separated from the gravity of the situation we're dealing with here! You're too damned attached to them!"

"They're fucking kids! They need our attention, they're not goddamned automotons!"

"You don't know enought about Rei or the Evangelions to be the judge of that."

This was not going as she had planned, not that she had fully thought out how to go about this. "That's because you won't tell me anything!"

"Do you understand the nature of this organisation? Information is distributed on a need-to-know basis." The blonde said matter-of-factly before continuing, leaning back slightly in her pose as she ran her tongue across her teeth behind her lips. "Besides, you're not trustworthy..."

"Untrustworthy? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" She had meant herself to calm down a bit, hoping to get the doctor to do the same, but now she was on edge again.

"You let a known spy rummage around unheeded! Spreading your legs for him no less!"

 _That bitch!_ Her mind yelled as all thoughts of a tactful approach went out the window. "Fuck you!" She yelled as she stepped closer to the woman. "You know as well as I do that there was nothing I could pin on him. Besides, he was working for your precious fucking Commander. Don't talk to me like I'm some floosy. Don't you think I don't know about you and **him**." Again she stepped forward, getting up in the doctor's face.

That seemed to hit the mark. Ritsuko's face filled up bright red as she stammered for words. Misato continued, the women before her unable to get a word out. "Who knows what kind of sinister shit you two are up to! You two and your fucking secretive bullshit!"

Ritsuko was visibily fuming, fists clenched at her sided, shaking in place. Unable to contain herself Misato continued on. It was brutal, but the tension built up between her and her old friend had reached a boiling point. She was going to give her a piece of her mind. "What do you see in him anyway? He must be a great lay because that man is as dark as they fucking come, but I guess only a cold hearted **bitch** like you could appreciate that!"

Finally Ritsuko broke as she stomped her foot on the ground as hard as she could trying to stop the raven-haired woman's verbal barrage. "Fuck you!" She yelled as she swung her arm to slap her old friend in the face. Misato caught the blow and slapped the blonde across the face instead.

Ritsuko stood with her face scrunched up in anger, still fuming, hand on the red mark on her cheek. She spoke through grit teeth with a low voice as she took a step back and tried to regain her composure. "Just remember that you're the one responsible for the children's performance. If you'd have done a better job this might've never happened. Now get the fuck out!"

"Already on my way!" Misato yelled as she stomped off and out the door.

She marched through the hallways on her way out. Any onlooker might've imagined smoke emanating from the woman's head so furious was she. She didn't noticed the grey haired man as she passed along an intersection in the corridors.

"Major Katsuragi."

"For fuck sake, what?!" She snapped as she spun around on her heel. "Oh..." The Sub-Commander regarded her with a raised eyebrow, hands in his sides. _Shit..._ Misato thought as she straigthened out and stood at attention. "I'm sorry, sir!" She apologized. "I... I didn't realize... I just... I'm just having a bad day, sir. I understand if this requires disciplinary action, sir."

The man sighed. "That's quite alright, Major. I think we are all a little on edge lately, with things as strenuous as they are. Don't you think?" His pose was surprisingly relaxed.

"Ah... Yes, sir, thank you, sir. Again, I'm sorry, sir." She stammered as she blushed profusely, hardly believing that the man was staying so calm over her unprofessional outburst.

A small grin formed on the man's lips. "You're starting to sound like Shinji, Major."

"Uh..." She wasn't sure what to say to the grey-haired man as he stood patiently.

"That was a joke, Katsuragi. Calm down." The grin turned into a warm semi-smile.

"Ah... haha... yes, sir." She laughed uncomfortably at the man's gentle comment and open posture. _What the hell..._

The man gave her a pensive look and tilted his head slightly to the side, pocketing his hands in his uniform jacket. "Are you alright, Major?"

"Uhm... yes... I... no... I don't know, sir." She stammered, unsure of what to do or say. "It just... it seems I am at a loss sir. Tensions, as you said, are running high and I'm starting to realize that..." She wasn't sure if she should follow up with what she was about to say, but the man's friendly attitude helped her along. "...that I don't know very much about this organisation, sir."

His eyebrows raised slightly. "Is that so?"

"Yes, sir. I'm no less resolved, mind you, but..." She wasn't sure where this was going.

He finished for her. "But you can't help but doubt..."

"Ah... yes, sir." She admitted uncomfortably.

"Major... I understand how you feel. There is a lot I **do** know and understand..." He said cryptically. "...but I too have my doubts."

"Is that so, sir?" She frowned slightly in surprise at the man's admission. _What... what is he on about?_ She had never talked to the man so openly. In fact, she could count the number of conversations she had had with the man on one hand, and now he seemed to be reaching out to her for something.

"Very much so, Katsuragi." A serious look crossed his face as he tilted his head slightly away from hers yet kept eye contact.

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two, mostly felt by Misato, intimidated by the man, him being her superior after all. It was as if he was trying to tell her something. There was a hint in his posture that was inviting her, as if he was open to questions that she felt needed answering. "...Sir."

"Follow me, Major." He said as he turned and started walking without waiting for her to reply.

Quickly she followed in his stride, trying to keep up with the tall man's gait, replying as she did. "Yes, Sir."

They walked in silence until they reached his office and stepped inside. He walked over to his desk and stood beside it as the Major walked up to it and stood rigid in anticipation, unsure what this was going to be about.

The man noticed her stiff posture. "You can dispense with the usual dignitaries for now, Katsuragi. We're in private." He said, hoping to relieve some of the woman's apprehension.

She relaxed in place as the man walked around his desk and sat down in his seat while she replied. "Yes, sir... ah... sorry, force of habit. I'm not sure if I can help it..."

"It's quite alright." He said, as he gestured her to sit down on the seat across from him.

Slowly she sat down and leaned back trying to relax herself a bit under the man's gaze. "Wh... what did you want to talk to me about, sir?" She said finally as she shifted in her seat.

The man stayed silent for a moment, as if unsure of what to say or how to begin. He took a deep breath and sighed audibly. "I..." He started, but halted himself. "Let me start with a story." He said finally. "You said you don't know very much about NERV." He began as he put his elbows on his desk, fingers intertwining much like the Commander would. "I think you have a lot of information already, just not the overarching narrative to tie it all together."

"...Ok." She said softly, unsure of how to respond. His pose made her a little uncomfortable, but her interest was piqued.

Noticing her lack of comfort and realizing his own pose might be the cause he relaxed back in his seat, resting his arms across his waist as he pulled them away from the desk. "In the 1990's an artifact is found in the Antarctic." The woman across from him nodded in understanding, but an unsure look remained. "A research team is sent to investigate, and finds an extraterrestial hidden in the ice cap within a giant egg shaped vessel."

He paused for a moment to regard the woman across from him. She waited intently for him to continue. "It turns out that it is an ancient being, foretold about in what we now know as the Dead Sea Scrolls. The Scrolls are held by a secretive organization that releases information bit by bit, revealing what they see necessary to forward their own goals."

"SEELE..." Misato whispered in understanding.

Without acknowledging her statement he continued on. "It turns out the being in the Antarctic is of godlike powers unlike any humanity has ever seen. In it's arrogance, man tries to harness that power, and pays the concequences. Three billion people die."

The woman nodded in acknowledgment of what his words entailed. _The giant being of light... Second Impact... father... what were you involved in?_ She thought, but let the man continue. "What many don't know, is that a similar vessel is found underneath the surface of what we now call Tokyo III. Within it, a similar being is held."

"Adam..."

"No... not Adam, Katsuragi."

"..." The surprise was evident in her face.

"You see what they found is what is called a 'Seed of Life'. There was meant to be only one on this planet, namely the one in Antarctica. These beings are supposed to spring life to whichever planet they are sent to. Adam was meant to spring life to earth, but through some accident another does instead. This being is called Lilith..."

"...The LCL plant."

"Very good." The man nodded, then continued. "Lilith is our... all earth's life... most distant ancestor. She is the mother that sparked life to earth in place of Adam. You see, there are, as far as we know, two kinds of 'Seeds of Life'... One that gifts its' offspring with the Fruit of Life, and the other the Fruit of Knowledge."

She looked at him expectantly, just waiting for him to continue.

"The organisation called SEELE, which is ancient and occult, has steered the course of humanity for centuries, millenia perhaps. It is an elite and secretive bunch that wishes to steer humanity in its' next step of evolution. They wish to unify all into a singular being with them at the helm. But for this, they need both Lilith and Adam. Through their forbidden fusion they wish to become gods themselves."

Misato leaned forward in her chair. "But... what do the Angels have to do with this, sir?"

"The Angels were awakened by the expedition's attempt to reset Adam into his fetal form as a way to better control it. Thought they succeeded, in a way, they created the world we know today."

She couldn't contain the question that had bubbled up in her mind earlier. "My... my father... did he know about this?"

"No... I'm sorry to say he was but a pawn." The relief in the Major's face was apparent. "Not many of the research team were privy to all the information necessary to foresee the consequences. Like I said, SEELE merely provided the information necessary to further their own goals." He turned his seat slightly to face away from the Major. "But some of the expedition did."

"And... and you? How do you know all this?"

"I found out through my own research, and more later through our dealings with SEELE through GEHIRN and later NERV."

"And why didn't you stop them or... or reveal it?"

"Sadly I'm but one man... and although I tried once to reveal all this... I failed... and even still it wouldn't have mattered."

"I see..."

"There was a woman... a very brilliant and talented woman. She knew as well, and she wanted to stop this, like I did. She was very well connected, some say that she is the child of one of the members of SEELE, but I've never been able to find out... even though I was once very close to her." There was a sense of pain and loss apparent in the man's face, one that she recognized all too well.

"You... loved her..." She said emphatically.

"Yes." He sighed as he closed his eyes for a moment. "Anyway, she was good." He opened his eyes again and turned towards her once more. "She wanted to prevent SEELE from achieving their goals but there was no way she could then."

"..."

"But along came a spider... a man that knew of SEELE and its' power. He wanted to be a part of that group, and through **her** he would be able to."

"...T-the Commander?"

He nodded. "But, he fell madly in love with this woman, and she with him. She turned him, she changed him forever. They tried together to steer GEHIRN into a righteous direction, but SEELE was too powerful. You see... an organisation as powerful as GEHIRN, and ultimately beholden to SEELE, will attract both brilliant and coldly ambitious minds..."

"..."

"Once she found out that the roots ran too deep to be upturned she sacrificed herself. She sacrificed herself in order to be able to protect her son."

"...Shinji"

"Yes..."

"Shinji's mother... Yui? She's... she's in Eva?"

"Yes..."

"And the Commander? Does he know?"

"He knows that Yui is in Unit-01. But he wasn't part of Yui's plan. When she decided to let herself absorb into the core he changed drastically. He is so madly in love with her that he will do anything... **anything** to be reunited with her."

"And... and the other Eva's?"

The man stayed silent for a while as he looked at his hands in his lap. Slowly he unfolded them and moved to grab something from his pocket. Slowly he brought his hand out and dropped a small picture on the desk and slid it towards Misato.

"Is there anyone you recognize in this photograph, Major?" He said as he looked the woman straight into her eyes. Slowly Misato leaned forward and took the picture from the desk, eyes not leaving the man's until she had the picture in her grasp. The hand holding the picture shook slightly in recognition, the other coming up to cover her mouth. Her eyes found Fuyutsuki's again as she spoke from behind her hand. "This... woman looks like Asuka, and..."

Before she could continue the grey-haired man spoke again. "Kyoko Sohryu was psychologically damaged from a similar experiment as that of Yui Ikari's. A part of her soul is captured inside Unit-02." He said with a low voice, explaining.

Misato looked at the picture again. "Y-yes... but... this woman... she... she looks like... Rei."

The man across from her nodded. "Rei... was created from Yui and Lilith. In his grief Gendo tried to regain his wife from the paltry remains in the Entry Plug used during the contact experiment." He said as he leaned back again in his seat.

"So... so Rei's a... clone? A clone of Shinji's mother?" She said, shocked to the bone.

"In a sense... yes. Like I said, there was so little of her left that she's more Lilith than Yui. It is an abomination, I know..." He said as he looked for a reaction from Misato.

"Oh my... my god... that poor girl." She said as she felt bile rising in her stomach. "I... I think I'm going to be sick..." She said finally, her world spinning in front of her eyes.

The words from the Major echoed in his ears. _"My god... that poor girl."_ He hadn't thought about it that way, he realized. Yes, he had wanted to stop the doctor from getting rid of the girl to prevent more bloodshed, but the idea that maybe Rei herself was just a victim in all this hadn't even crossed his mind. _That poor girl..._ He thought, the words now his own in his thoughts. _Indeed._ He concluded. _What must all this be like for Rei._

"Misato..." Fuyutsuki said, snapping the woman out of her daze. "I have told you much more than I originally intended. If the doctor or Commander were to find out about this, neither of us will live to see another day... do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"The nature of this information is very sensitive, and for now we have our roles to play. The Angels are not dealt with yet, and we don't want to do anything rash, now do we?"

"No, sir. B-but... the children... they need to know." She said as the gravity of all that had just been revealed to her was starting to fall into place.

"In due time, Misato... For now, keep this quiet. Shinji, Asuka, Rei... they might not be able to handle this." He said as he shook his head, hoping to reach the woman.

She nodded in understanding as she looked at the man once again. Another question came to her mind. "Why tell all this to me now? What can we do about it? Is there anyway to stop all this?" She blurted in quick succession.

"I don't know..." He replied honestly, his eyes falling to his desk yet focused somewhere else entirely. "Sir, why tell me this?" She asked again, snapping the man out of his disconnected state immediatly.

"Look at me Major." He said sternly as he waved one of his hands over his chest, indicating himself for inspection. "I'm an old man. My time is running out, and I'm finding that I have not done a decent thing in a decade." He said honestly as his hand dropped to his side, looking away. "I don't much believe in an afterlife, but I do believe in decency and honor... And I am not an honorable person."

The man found her eyes again as she adressed him. "Sir... F-Fuyutsuki..." She reached out and laid the picture back on the desk, her hand covering it and staying in place for the moment. With a compassionate look she continued. "She must've thought you were, if she entrusted you with all this."

"Perhaps..." He looked away again, shame in his eyes. Her hand left the picture and the desk as she put it on the armrest of the chair. Another question came to mind. "Does... does Ritsuko know?"

He sighed as he kept his eyes away from hers, watering at the corners. "Yes... Let's find another moment to talk further, Misato... I'm sure you have alot to think about." Slowly she stood from the chair, hands pushing her up from the armrests. "Y-yes, sir..."

She walked up towards the door of the office and held for a moment before she turned back to look at the Sub-Commander still sitting silently in his chair, his back now turned towards her. "Sir... thank you."

* * *

Bespectacled eyes scrutinized the blonde doctor from the darkness. The man stood behind his desk, his outstretched arms supporting him, fists on the tabletop as he looked at her. He spoke with a commanding voice. "What happened during the synchronisation test, Ritsuko?"

Ritsuko felt the intensity of his gaze, even through the tinted glasses he was wearing. She shuffled nervously in place. "Rei was not able to synchronize..." She began, trying to remain calm. "...but there was something else that happened today."

"Explain..." He said simply as he took his hands from the desk and pocketted then in his uniform jacket while standing up straight. This would further complicate his scenario, she knew. If he was looking to determine whether to replace the girl or not, this was surely a reason. "It seems that she absorbed and integrated what was inside the core of Unit-00."

A look of deliberation crossed the man before her. He had made his intentions clear earlier that day, but it did not please him to be resorted to this choice. "Meaning?"

"The core is empty. Unit-00 is imobile, Gendo. As a result, the Fifth was not able to synchronize." She swallowed as her heart starting pounding in her ears. Despite how much her feelings for the man had changed as of late, she still feared displeasing the man with this kind of information. She had been the cause. Had she halted the process they would not have been in this situation, but she had been left with little choice if she wanted to prevent too much suspicion.

"You let the Fifth attempt synchronisation with the Eva despite the empty core?" There it was, she had hurt his confidence in her. She could tell by the tone of his voice. Why it mattered to her still she wasn't sure. _Why do I still care for his approval?_ She thought as she awaited further questioning. None would follow. The man simply turned from her sideways. His lips compressed into a thin line, left with no choice now.

She took a deep breath but did so quietly as if trying to prevent breaking the man from his thoughts. After a moment of silence she tried to explain. "I'm sorry Gendo. I had to take the risk. Considering the circumstances-..." He interrupted her before she could continue.

"Circumstances? How would **any** circumstances allow such a risk?" He demanded, some anger seeping into his voice as he stood upright and took his hands from his pockets, clasping them together behind his back. She wasn't often the center of his discontent. All she could do was answer truthfully, there was nothing to hide. "Sir... I am beyond doubt that cutting the procedure short would've raised more than one eyebrow."

Nothing but a grunt emanated from the man. He seemed to settle a little bit. He straightening out his pose, chin slightly lifted as he spoke. "This is unfortunate." Slowly he started making his way around the desk towards her. She stiffened and backed up at the man's approach. She managed to keep her gaze level, wondering what he expected of her.

He sighed, stepping closer still. He was now mere feet away from her. She supressed a shiver as she tried looking for what was behind his tinted glasses and finding nothing truly kind. Her chin quivered as he reached out slowly and touched her neck beneath the high collar of her labcoat.

"This has all been very unfortunate, Akagi." He repeated, keeping his voice level and his face an even calm as he guided her face closer to his. She raised her head as she closed her previously slightly opened lips, swallowing as she did.

His lips touched hers, but there were no sparks, Ritsuko noticed. _Not like before._ She was fully aware of the man's attempt at manipulation. Instead of being warmed by the kiss, the closeness she longed for from the man, she felt cold. She cringed inside and she had to stop herself from pushing away the man. _He does not love me..._ She reminded herself with an aching heart.

He broke the kiss and she moved her head back, trying to regain some, any distance, from the man. His fingers on the back of her neck prevented any further backtracking.

"...and Rei?"

She was back to reality, suddenly moreso aware of the power the man had held over her. She was disgusted now. _Any attention will do._ She thought looking away as she relaxed even though the man kept close. "I wasn't able to... do it."

He held his hand on her as he spoke but allowed her to regain some space. He spoke with his voice low, again with that calm demeanor aimed at her. "We will figure out how to get the core operational. Either way we will need her soul. Get to her apartment tonight and do it." The hair on the back of her neck stood up straight as he tugged at her slightly at those last words for emphasis.

She backpeddled as he released her, staggering on her feet for a second before regaining her balance. Without another word she walked off and out of the cavernous office, not daring to look behind her. Finally outside she collapsed against the wall, her body shuddering in relief.

* * *

Misato sat in the car and sped along the highway towards home. She couldn't stay at NERV any longer today, or she would go insane. Everything that the Sub-Commander had told her was running through her head. She couldn't concentrate anyway, and if anything really important was up they would call her back in, she determined. She had some freedom to come and go if her duties allowed it, and she would use that freedom today.

The scenery sped by as she drove onto the mountain pass towards the outskirts where her apartment lay. She liked driving down this road, and she knew it well. She pushed the gas down further and felt herself get pushed back in her seat. _In control_. She thought, enjoying the feeling of the gentle vibrations coursing through her cherished Renault Alpine provided by the engine's horsepower. She liked being in control. Something she surely wasn't back at work at the moment.

She was starting to understand what Ritsuko was on about earlier today. If Rei was cloned from Shinji's mother Yui, and if Ritsuko was in love with Gendo, then that must put her in an awfully complicated position. What she saw in the man she couldn't understand, but she felt sorry for the woman. She hadn't treated her too kindly today, and although she deserved it for what she had done, it did give all of it some perspective.

 _I'll have to talk to her for real, soon._ She thought. There must be something she could say to the woman to help her sort things out. She was her friend after all, and she didn't want to see her hurting like she was. _I guess I was so overwhelmed by everything in my own life I didn't have time to think about how she might be doing._

The apartement blocks were coming up in the distance and the mountain road was slowly winding down into back into the orderly patterns of the cityscape. _I wonder how Shinji and Asuka are doing. Things aren't easy for them either... or Rei._ She thought, finishing with the blue-haired girl.

Slowly she pulled into her apartement block's parking lot and expertly placed it in one of the parking spots. For all the jokes people made about Misato's driving, she was very skilled behind the wheel. _I will have to talk to that girl too..._ She thought as she stepped out of the car and popped the door closed. _But what do you say to such a girl... what does she even know of all this...?_

She pushed the button to call the elevator, but when the doors didn't immediatly open she simply started up the steps. As she reached her floor suddenly a thought occured to her. _If... if Asuka's mom is inside Unit-02._ She keyed the lock to the door and opened it and stepped inside. _And if Shinji's mom is inside 01..._ She kicked off her shoes, hung her jacket and beret from a hook, and proceeded further into her home. A _nd if Rei is a clone, then..._ Before she could finish the thought she was greeted by the sight of that very blue-haired girl sitting at the dining table, cup of tea in hand, and Shinji standing over the stove.

Her train of thought had been completely derailed, not expecting two of the three children that had occupied her mind just a second ago to now sit before her in the kitchen. Flabbergasted, she announced her presence. "Uhm... I'm... home."

Rei looked up from the cup of tea she cradled between her hands, and Shinji turned to look at his guardian from his place at the kitchen counter. "Oh... welcome home Misato-san. You're back early..." He said holding the steaming kettle in one hand and a small cup in the other.

She regained her senses somewhat as she digested the strangely homely scene before her. "Uh... yeah I was done for the day." She said somewhat hesitantly. They seemed a little like a couple, comfortably silent in eachother's presence. There really was something about these two children that shared an odd familiarity with eachother. _Or is it just a sort of brotherly, sisterly thing...?_ She thought as she tried to reconcile the new knowledge she had gained with the image in her mind that she had of the children beforehand.

She had always known the two children were attracted to eachother, having become friends over the last year as they grew closer. She had silently believed the two would maybe become more than just friends. Now she was confused of just what to think of the them. Shinji broke her out of her thoughts again. "You... look a little surprised to see us."

She shook her head for a moment as she decided to ponder these particular thoughts at a later time, then responded. "Yeah well... no not really. Actually, yes. I was just... nevermind." She stammered as she tentatively made her way over to the dining table and sat down across from Rei, absentmindedly noticing the bandages on the girl's hands.

Shinji finished filling his cup with some tea and sat down beside Rei who took a careful sip of the warm liquid. They exchanged a look that caught Misato's attention. _Something's going on between them or something._ After a moment of silence she decided to see what this was about.

She slowly reached out and gently laid her hand on the blue-haired girl's wrist. "How are you holding up, Rei?" She said with a caring voice. _She seems... different somehow._

"I am... well." She responded simply but hesitantly. Misato didn't really buy into her response but was interrupted by Shinji before she could continue. "Uhm... Misato? Can I... maybe ask you something? A favor?" A pleading look crossed his face.

Her attention turned to the boy who was giving her an unsure look. Whatever he was about to ask was big in his mind, she could see. He didn't often ask for favors of her so she gave him a reassuring smile. "Sure... what's this about, Shinji? Why are you two here?"

Unsure of how to proceed the boy started stammering, finding himself unprepared even though he knew this was coming up. "Ah... well... that is... You see... I... I found Rei in her apartment. Walked her there rather after... well... just after." _After the synchronisation test._ Misato added mentally. _Something happened._ She nodded in understanding, her eyes widening in anticipation, pushing the boy along to ask his favor with a glance.

He looked at Rei as if seeking permission to speak for her. She didn't look away from the cup or otherwise protest or indicate him to stop so he continued. "Rei... she's not doing well." Rei looked up from the cup of tea to the Major with a somewhat guilty look on her face. The boy continued. "She is now... but... I went up to her apartment and... I err... her home... it's a mess. I... I don't think we can let her stay on her own there..."

"What happened, Rei?" Her hand still laid on the girl's. She gave a soft reassuring squeeze.

"I..." The girl began, but stopped. She looked at Shinji who in turn looked at her for a sign of how to continue. There was a pained look on the blue-haired girl's face that made him feel like she was asking him to tread around the subject carefully. He didn't feel entirely comfortable with sharing all the exact details so he generalized instead. "She... she... tried to... hurt herself."

 _The Angel... the failed test..._ The raven-haired woman looked at the bandages again, reading the wrong conclusion from them, but coming to understand the situation nonetheless. "Is this true, Rei?" She inquired softly. Again she was met with that guilty look by the girl who responded with a whisper, eyes averting from hers. "Yes, ma'am."

"Misato... can she stay here? At least for a while?" The boy pleaded again.

She sighed. She had somehow expected this to be the question by now. _No!_ She screamed internally. _God, no! No, no, no, nonononono! I can't handle another one... why god, why do you do this to me?_ She released her hand from Rei's but kept her arm stretched out across the table as her head dropped to the table in exasperation. _I can hardly take care of myself._ She sobbed internally, her gut clenching at the thought of another disfunctional child in her home. _What the hell kind of day is this? What cruel alternate reality have I entered?_

"Please..." Shinji pleaded once more as Misato bumped her head on the top of the wooden piece of furniture a couple of times. Rei looked at the scene dumbfounded but otherwise kept out of the conversation. "She's-" The raven-haired woman interrupted the boy, never raising her head from where it lay, her voice muffled by the position she was in. "Yes... Ok... yes, sure. Why not." _Fuck! FUCK!_

"Really?!" Shinji exclaimed excitedly, beaming a warm smile at the woman as she finally raised her head to regard the two teens. "Thanks Misato..." Misato groaned audibly as she sat back in the chair, pulling her arms back and crossing them over her chest. She let out another defeated sigh before she spoke. "Does she... need anything from her apartment?"

Finally Rei spoke up. "There is... nothing worth retrieving."

"Ok... what about toiletries? I mean... I probably have a spare toothbrush somewhere, but clothes maybe?" She said as she let her head hang backward as she looked at the ceiling. _The one favor he asks... and there's no way I can tell him no on this now can I?_

There was no response, giving her some time to ponder her situation when finally a thought occured to her. "You know what... why don't I take you out shopping tomorrow? We'll buy some clothes and whatever else you need. We could make a day out of it!" _Might as well make the best of this. Maybe talk to her a bit._

Rei looked at the Shinji, unsure of the Major's proposal, but was met by Shinji's warm and reasuring smile. He responded excitedly, a great load taken off his mind at Misato's acceptance. "Ah yeah sure. That's a great idea actually. Thanks Misato..."

"Rei?" Misato said as she rose from her seat and walked over to the fridge to retrieve a beer, receiving only an unsure nod from the blue-haired girl as she walked passed her. "It's settled then. We're going out shopping. If you're going to be staying here you'll need some of your own stuff." She said as the girl returned her gaze to her hands.

"You'll have to get something else to wear than those horrid school uniforms. If you live in this house you'll have to get at least some revealing clothing. How else are we gonna keep Shin-chan on his toes, huh?" She looked at the boy with a devious grin, having reverted to her excited and teasing self in an instant.

"Misato!?" Likewise, the boy had reverted to his bashful self as he looked at her, eyes wide as saucers at her embarrassing comment and a bright red blush on his cheeks. The girl didn't entirely understand their interaction, but greatly relieved by her superior's acceptance she simply replied in agreement, only embarrassing the boy more in the process. "Yes ma'am."

"That's the spirit." Misato said as she beamed a smile at the girl, giving her blue hair a quick rustle before popping the tab on the cold beer in her hand. Just a little more teasing and she would be good to go. "Show a little leg and he'll be dancing to your tunes in no-time, Rei. Trust me." She took a big swig from her Yebishu and nearly blew it out through her nose when she saw Shinji's tomato-red appearance.

"Ah... I... gosh Misato!"

 _Too easy... another girl to tease him with. Maybe this won't be so bad._

"Why don't you get started on dinner, Shin-chan?" Misato said as she let her amusement fade and took another drink from her beer. Shinji was all too happy to change the subject and jumped up from his seat, the redness slowly fading from his face. "Ah yeah... yeah I'll do that."

* * *

Gendo looked at his old sensei standing before him through tinted glasses. It appeared he had been right about the man's change from his usual complacency. He had noticed slight hints in his reactions and general attitude lately that indicated to him that Fuyutsuki was having second thoughts.

His eyes dropped to the small photograph that laid before him, then looked back to the old man. "Where did you get this?" He demanded. Fuyutsuki reveled somewhat in the surprised tone of the man. He didn't even try to hide his discontent at seeing the picture. He inhaled deeply, and confessed. "Yui gave it to me a long time ago."

A narrowing of the eyes, an intake of breath, and a slight tightening of the intertwined fingers of the bespectacled man's tented hands. "Is that so?"

"Yes..." He answered. "In fact I came here to tell you what she told me... The hope she held for you." Gendo's brows furrowed at the comment. "What she confided in me for, then." He said with some satisfaction, then continued under the Commander's intense stare. "What she asked me to tell you when the time was right."

The Commander's eyebrows raised slightly behind the tinted glasses as he shifted back into the seat. His hands unclasped and he tapped his fingers one by one in quick succession on the edge the desk for a moment. "Continue..."

The grey-haired man was slightly annoyed by the light manner in which Gendo was taking all this. "She planned it... Gendo... She planned it all."

His head tilted at the familiar way in which Fuyutsuki adressed him. It didn't bother him, but it was unusual. Many things had been unusual about the man lately. He was not his complacent self. No passive agressiveness today, he had something to share. He allowed himself a slight tug at the corner of his mouth as he let the man continue.

"She let her self be contained in the core of the prototype..."

Fuyutsuki remained quiet for a moment, undoubtedly to let what he said sink in. It didn´t surprise him all that much honestly. He had come to that conclusion some time ago, but waited for the man to continue anyway.

Noticing the lack of interruption, Kozo continued. "In order to protect Shinji... because she didn't trust you. Not like she trusted me." The satisfaction in the old man's voice started to bother Gendo a little. "And this should matter to me how exactly?" He responded with some annoyance making itself known in his voice.

The old man was taken aback by his old student's easy acceptance of what he had just said. He cleared his throat for a moment as he regarded the man for any other reaction he might be able to read. _Nothing..._ "Doesn't this give you pause at all Ikari?"

"None whatsoever. The scenario is-..."

"You and your damned scenario!" The man interrupted him angrily. "What makes you think Yui will want to see you again? What makes you think she would want to spend an eternity with the man that discarded her son, that **clones** her and casually decides to dispose of the girl that trusted him like a father?!"

He waited for the old man to finish, and to calm down before continuing with what he was going to say. "...The scenario is too far along. There is nothing casual about my decision, Kozo." He said with some anger. "But Rei has always been a means to an end. Even if I did have a change of heart, how do you presume we stop SEELE?"

"...We could find a way!"

"Nonsense..." Was his curt reply. "You know this. Yui knew it." He waited a moment to let his words sink in with his old friend. "She trusted me enough to let me continue on my own. When the time is right we will be together once again. **You** will get to be with her once again. All this suffering will end, Kozo. Mine, yours, Shinji's, Rei's..."

He had to bite his lip to keep himself from jumping across the desk to grab the man by the throat. _These are the rationaliziations of a tyrant, a dictator._ He thought as he looked at the undaunted man before him. _Only a few bodies more and there will be paradise._ "A necessary sacrifice..." He spoke the words low and full of cynicism through grit teeth.

The cynicism seemed to be lost on the man before him but he was sure he heard it. "Yes. It doesn't matter either way." Surprise was evident on the old man's face as he spoke. "What do you mean?"

"Ritsuko left an hour ago to finish it."

"No..."

"Indeed..."

The man turned on his heel and sped off towards the door. Gendo stood from his seat as he spoke as loudly as he could without yelling outright. He had not convinced the man it appeared. "What do you intend to do, Sensei?" Fuyutsuki yelled back without stopping or looking back. "To stop her... to stop you!"

Gendo was left alone in his office, mumbling a single word to himself as the door closed behind the man. "Fine..." His eyes dropped as he looked at his desk where the picture still lay untouched. He picked up the photograph and set it aside, resting his fingers on it as he cast a glance on the Section 2 report that had been delivered just minutes ago laying beneath it. It had gone unnoticed by the old man.

It wouldn't matter if Kozo was in time or not to stop Ritsuko. The apartement was empty. Rei appeared now to be in the care of the Major. _It seems fate has intervened to give you what you want anyway, old friend._ He mused, smiling despite the obvious complications to his plan. This had just become a lot more interesting.

* * *

"There's no one here..." Ritsuko spoke as she heard the door fall shut behind her in the hallway. She turned around and found herself somewhat unsurprised to see the Sub-Commander stand at the entrance to the living compartment of the small house. His breathing was laboured but he held his composure nonetheless. Calm always seemed to exude from the man, no matter what. Had she known what had just happened at NERV between the old man and her lover she might have thought differently.

"Would you have done it?" Kozo asked as he regained his breath realizing what she had just said. He stepped deeper into the room and absentmindedly noticed the state of it. He had never been here before, was appalled at the delapitated and barren state the house was in. It was horrid even disregarding the broken mess on the floor. _Is this how she lived all this time?_ Shame filled him as he realized he had never inquired into the girl's living arrangements in all these years.

Ritsuko stayed quiet for a while as she pondered the question. "I... I don't know." _Yes._ She answered mentally. _I would have done it... for him._ She felt relieved that she did not have to do it now, however. Her heart clenched up at the thought of the lenghts she would go to, even knowing that the man she did it for would never regard her as she did him.

A sob filled the barren room, and more sobs quickly followed as Ritsuko covered her mouth in shame, tears streaming down her face as she was once again reminded of her broken mind, reminded of her wretched state of being. She fell to her knees as the man closed the distance to her and stood over her, concern but also judgement written on his face. Judgement for what he knew she would have done, had the girl been here.

"Why..." The blonde sobbed as she covered her eyes with her hands, tears seeping through her fingers and onto the dirty floor. "Why do I do this for him?" The grey-haired man bent down and took a knee beside her, laying a consoling hand on her shoulder as she wept. "Why won't he love me?" He gently rubbed her shoulder, not sure of what to say to the crying doctor. She continued. "Why do I go through this for him? I could stand any humiliation... as long as I thought there was hope..." She cried openly now as she stabilized herself with her palms to the floor, wailing in agony over her broken heart. She only barely managed a whimper in between. "Now I don't even have that..."

"Doctor Akagi..." The man said soothingly. "You've come this far, perhaps on bad judgement..." He said truthfully. "As have I..." She looked at him at his last statement, confused and still full of sorrow. "It's not too late..." They looked at eachother for a while, both staying silent. She wasn't sure if she believed the man, but it helped. The tears faded, and she nodded slowly in understanding as she got up on her feet again. She wiped at her face turning from the man and walked around the room as she regained her composure, halting at the sliding door as she looked out at the moon.

"What... what do you suppose happened?" She said as she sniffed and turned back towards the Kozo again, spreading her arms to indicate the state the apartement was in. She got no response, and spotted the broken glasses on the floor by the bed. She knelt down momentarily to pick it up, then stood again. She read the inscription on the broken leg as Fuyutsuki stepped closer, recognizing the glasses as Ikari's. Ritsuko handed it over as she sniffed away another stray tear.

"She... she kept his glasses?" She said as the man inspected the thing between his fingers. He grunted then looked back at the woman. "It appears so. She must've held onto it after the failed reactivation test..." He paused for a moment as Ritsuko nodded at him in understanding. "But if she broke it... she must've... come to distrust him after all this time."

Ritsuko looked around the room again. "It would explain... all this." She said simply, her eyes sweeping across the floor. "What do you suggest we do?" The man looked at her pensively, then around the room again. _Did he know she wouldn't be here?_ He considered. _Why else would he have let me run off to try and stop this._

"I don't know..." He said honestly. "He let me chase after you. I told him I would try to stop this..." The woman looked at him with slight confusion. "Perhaps he's changed his mind." That seemed unlikely to the woman. He didn't often change his mind on something, but for Rei? Perhaps. That thought depressed her even more, and she willed it from her mind. She still despised the clone.

He sighed as he rolled the broken piece of eyewear between his fingers by the leg absentmindedly as he looked at them. _Why didn't he stop me._ _He could've done it then and there if he wanted to. Gendo, what's going on in your head?_ He sighed as he dropped the broken spectacles to the floor and let his arm fall to his side. "Let's get out of here."

* * *

Asuka rummaged around the dark supply room she was in, hoping to find something to eat.. She had broken open the back door of an abandoned movie theatre and made her way inside to get away from the cold outside. The rain had turned the city cooler than the usually warm eternal-summernights would be. Generally one could sleep outside without problems, but she had picked the wrong time to run away from home.

She moved slowly around the largely empty storage, mobile phone in hand, shedding light on her surroundings with the now quite useful flashlight app. It was considerably more comfortable here than outside she realized absentmindedly as she shone her light on the empty racking. "Nothing again, damnit." She muttered as she picked up an empty cardboard box from the floor for the fourth time.

 _Pathetic._ She thought as she pondered her current situation. _Elite, my ass._ For all that she had considered herself to be in the last 10 years of her life, being a vagrant was not one of them. _Here I am, sneaking around like a crook... like some fucking hobo._

She stumbled over another box which seemed to contain something as it was heavier than the others she had kicked aside easily. She knelt down and went through the contents. Nothing but popcorn kernels. She picked up one of the bags nonetheless. _Better than nothing at all..._

The redhead passed another empty rack when her flashlight revealed a stack of boxes at the end. _Something better be in there... it's the only place I haven't looked yet._ She had some luck left it appeared, there were some soda cans and some bags of crisps but not much else. She took some of them and went on.

Slowly she pushed through another door and followed the corridor down to one of the auditoriums. She let her light pass over the seats in the large room, her phone's app not strong enough to reveal the entire room, though still reaching far enough to get a sense of the size. Seeing no one she made her way over to the second isle and sat down halfway down along the row of seats. Her stomach growled loudly in disagreement at the lack of a proper meal for the past day. She popped open the soda and the bag of chips and munched away.

She would have to go home soon, she realized. She couldn't keep this up for another day, she knew. She looked at the small touchscreen of her phone as she switched off the flashlight app, seeing the message from Misato she had ignored earlier that afternoon. She took a handful of the salty crisps and stuffed them in her mouth. Her guardian would probably send Section 2 after her if she didn't show her face at the apartement tomorrow. She sighed loudly through the mouthful of chips, sending pieces flying across the seats in front of her.

 _I can't face them yet._ She thought as she considered the option of heading back to the apartment and sneaking in during the night. _Tomorrow... I'll go home tomorrow._ She concluded, admitting to herself that she couldn't keep running forever. _Like that idiot... how disgusting._

She finished the bag of chips and the soda quickly, hungry as she was, then curled herself into a ball as best she could in the cinema's seat. She felt alone, not for the first time that day. Despite her uncomfortable position, the exhaustion of the day was taking a grip of her. _I'm sorry mother... I'm sorry for being such a dissapointment._ She squeezed her eyes shut and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Dinner had gone by reasonably quietly. Shinji had cleaned out the table and Rei had followed in his example. Misato had retreated to her room cradling a tower of sixpacks in her arms. She needed some relaxation after a day like today. They in turn had silently but comfortably done the dishes. There was something pleasant about their interaction, neither feeling the need to speak, silent as both children tended to be anyway.

That was how most of the rest of the evening had been spent, which had been quite short to be fair. Both exhausted from the both physically and emotionally draining day, they retreated to Shinji's room. Shinji had meant to ask Misato if it was Ok if they shared the same room tonight, but as he looked through the crack in her room's door he could see she had already passed out over a pile of empty beer cans.

He offered his bed to the girl and pulled out his futon from the corner before laying it across the floor next to the bed. Rei had protested, feeling like she should take the futon instead, but Shinji insisted. Shinji looked on embarrased as the girl stripped down to her panties and the plain white schoolshirt. She seemed unashamed, and he had caught himself staring on as she did, never actually looking away. She graced him with a small smile, noticing the blush on the boy's face, but not realizing exactly why.

He retreated to the supply closet and retrieved a spare toothbrush for the girl, handing it to her as he guided her to the bathroom, taking the temporary solitude of his own room to quickly change into the blue shirt and black shorts that he usually slept in. They brushed their teeth together and finally went to bed.

Shinji awoke from a shallow slumber by a whisper carried through the air. He wasn't sure, but it was as if someone had called his name. A quick glance to the clock on his wall revealed that he mustn't have been asleep for too long. He turned from his back to his side only to see two pale legs being swung over the edge of the bed in a careful manner. The girl they belonged to stood up, and stepped towards the boy, dragging the sheets in her wake.

Rei gently sat down next to the boy, reacting with mild shock when he turned out to be awake, looking at her with wide but sleepy eyes. Both teens recovered and she continued to lay down when Shinji scooted over to provide her some room on the futon. Pulling the sheet over herself she turned to her side to face the young man, her arm laying loosely in between them, palm up, hand just beside her face.

"Y-you can't sleep?" The boy whispered softly. She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. She breathed carefully, considering whether to voice what was on her mind. "I am..." No, that wasn't exactly right. "I... feel alone..." She said finally.

Gently Shinji moved his own hand from where he had tucked it underneath his chest to her arm. He tentatively, though deliberately, ran his fingers up the length of her forearm, gently intertwining his fingers with hers as he reached her hand. It immediately relaxed the girl, her shoulders losing some tension, and her eyes falling shut.

The physical contact between the two had become a normal thing over the past few days, neither of the teens feeling elated or uncomfortable in initiating it any longer. A boundary had seemingly been crossed and a need for closeness fullfilled for both of them. There was something about the careful touches they shared that soothed them, an energy that flowed between them, giving them strenght and comfort.

Looking worriedly at Rei, Shinji couldn't help but feel somewhat awestruck at the change in the girl's attitude. It was like she was offering herself to him, laying her heart in his hands to do with as he saw fit. It was endearing, but also frightening. There was something brewing beneath the surface between them, and within the girl herself. He still hadn't found out what it was that she seemed unwilling to reveal to him.

He would have to ask her soon, he decided. He didn't want to distrust the girl, and although he didn't now, the fact that she thought he might reject her for whatever was on her mind still left a nagging doubt. For now, he would enjoy her closeness. Her eyes drifted shut as he regarded her and her breathing became deep and even. He ran his hand across her cheek one last time and closed his eyes falling asleep soon after.

* * *

Author's notes: So, there you have it. I hope you find the changes to be for the better as well. I certainly do. Not much else to say except that I have altered the below responses to reviews a little bit. I still wanted to adress the reviews I got previously and not just discard the ending notes. I responded to _Seeling Professional Help's_ review through a PM which I have pasted below because... well because I'm lazy. So sue me :P

 _ **Seeking Professional Help:**_ _Hej man, thx for the honest review. It's exactly the kind of constructive criticism I was looking for. I'm considering changing some of the lines thanks to it actually; reading back I can see what you mean and honestly a two-dimensional villain type Gendo is not really what I'm going for. Having said that, it seems I've stumbled into that very characterization of him again in chapter four. Not having a pre-reader to second guess what I'm writing has resulted in my succumbing to tunnel-vision it appears. I'm so focused on pushing out more content that I neglected to consider taking some more time on what I'm actually trying to convey._

 _As to the question of his relationship with Rei. Yes and no. I can agree with you up to a point in that he cares for Rei, but it is (in my opinion) mostly care for a tool that he has a use for and for the memory of his wife. He doesn't seem like he cares for her for who she is or for her circumstances at all; i.e. the shabby apartment, using her to get rid of Naoko Akagi (my interpretation of what happened anyway - perhaps you have a different view of this?), and bringing her back from death even though it damages her and her psyche._

 _Thanks again. I'll be sure to mention your contribution in the next chapter. I hope you'll stick around to keep reading this._

 **Nerf585** : Thanks so much for your review. It feels good to have a dedicated reader that leaves a message every chapter! Don't feel like you're obligated or anything though, but really thanks a bunch!

 **Lord Razer** : Thank you for another review. Yes, indeed Gendo is a selfish bastard, no argument there, haha. I hope you liked the fact that Ritsuko got some resolution in this chapter. I also felt sorry for her in the anime and manga. It remains to be seen how she will act from now on in this fic though. That is for me to know and for you to find out in the coming chapters ;)

It's good to know that I haven't crossed the line of blatent OOC behaviour in your opinion. I think I'm just on the edge while still keeping it believable. Like you said, she lacks experience dealing with her feelings and I'm trying to poke and prod her to get some of that out.

About Gendo; yes he definately is the bastard king, and will remain so for the time being. I'm not sure how to handle him entirely yet, though I can tell you I'm not going for a 180 on his part in terms of behaviour (as you can probably tell from this chapter).

He is, however, just as tragic a character as any other in Evangelion. I doubt Yui was such a bad judge of character that she completely overlooked the darker parts of his persona. I think that he's a very lonely man, and when he found someone that filled that gap to then subsequently lose her drove him to despair. The manga sort of confirms that in the last volumes. I need to handle his development with care, to be sure.

Well, that's it for now. Please leave a review, it encourages me greatly when you do and might actually help me change story for the better. Hope to see you all next time!


	5. Ease my mind

**Shattered**

Disclaimer: Me no own, okay? Okay...

Author's notes: This chapter took me a lot longer than expected. I had some content ready to go but I wasn't sure where to fit it and I ended up delaying some of it for later chapters. Also I've been pretty busy the last few weeks and I couldn't really get into the right state of mind to write seriously. I kept writing stuff and ended up dissapointed with it. It was pretty hard to get anything out I felt was sufficient somehow.

Last weekend I had three days off but had inadvertenly planned it full with personal matters, hanging out with friends and such things. I had half-consciously determined that I would work on this fic during the days off and ended up worried that I might not make it with all the other 'obligations', though in the end I came through and wrote and rewrote a whole lot in a single day.

I ended up spending a little more time the last week, working on the chapter after work to fill in the gaps and apply some finishing touches, but I felt greatly encouraged by the fact that I had gotten so much work done despite the busy schedule the days before. I'm really happy with the end result, so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

Anyway, onward!

* * *

"Onemississipi"

– denotes speech

 _Twomississipi_

– denotes thoughts

 _"Threemississipi"_

– denotes projected speech, may be through a radio but also an alternate voice in a character's mind. Should be clear from context.

* * *

 **Part V: Ease my mind**

Darkness. Cold. An all encompassing void. A harsh surface beneath her bare feet, cold creeping up through their soles. Her muscles tensed as the sensation filled her entirety.

Hushed voices behind her caught her attention. Whispers. Everyone. A never ending stream of whispers cutting through the dark. She turned around. Doctor Akagi, Misato Katsuragi, Rouji Kaji, Kozo Fuyutsuki, Maya Ibuki, Makoto Hyuga, Shigeru Aoba, Asuka Langley Sohryu, Toji Suzuhara, Hikari Horaki, Kensuke Aida. Their ghostly images passed through her, sending shivers down her spine and chilling her skin.

They all stood before her. Backs to her, their faces just outside of view. She tried stepping forward to see them and they vanished. She couldn't move. Only he was still there. Shinji Ikari. Just out of reach. She wrestled to step forward but made no ground. Her voice caught in her throat, no breath to issue forth past her vocal chords.

The teenager vanished, in his stead Gendo Ikari.

"Rei. Take me to Yui."

She did not wish to. Hands laid on her forcefully, pushing, thrusting her forward. Compliant legs moving against her will. A heart filled with sorrow. She couldn't. She wouldn't. Not for him. Not anymore.

"No..." She whispered, her body going rigid. She did not want his hands guiding her. Someone else should be there instead. Shinji Ikari; outreached arms, hands beckoning, asking to come. Welcoming, not forcing. Kind. Warm.

Her body caught in an unseen grip. She pushed with all her strength against it. Teeth gritting, legs trying to gain traction against the stone cold barrier holding her back. Tears. Tears falling. Powerless to move, but she tried. Giving everything. Screaming without sound or air still. She tried nonetheless but produced not even a whimper.

Pushing, moving ever so slightly. Cracks forming in the invisible barrier holding her back. Her voice catching wind, gut clenching, tears streaming freely into the void, melting away the cold. A whimper attempting to become a wail. Still no sound following.

No movement still, the barrier unrelenting. Screaming with all she had, forcing from her entire being, trying to make a sound. She could feel it running through her veins. Her heart pumping acid through her body as it pushed against the cold holding her back. Her heartwrenching howl filling the void even without volume. The white titan ahead of her. The Commander's hands struggling against her. She was moving now but not by her own power. She was fighting a losing battle as she neared it. The world around her shaking, breaking against her struggle, but it was too late.

"Rei!?" A voice cut throught the darkness, her own finally catching fire in her throat as she was swallowed whole into the pure white humanoid's chest. Brightness filled up her world and she screamed. Her eyes sprang wide open as her body lunged forward with regained control, pushing the young boy hovering over her backwards without realizing.

Her wide eyes stared up at an unfamiliar ceiling. She breathed quick and shallow breaths, and a pounding heart occupied her chest. Rei dropped her head back on the pillow below it and looked around the room to get her bearings. The early morning sun was streaming through the windows, drenching the room in a warm glow. Her heart was recovering into a more steady rhythm and she breathed a sigh of relief. She looked at the source of the voice she heard to find Shinji looking at her, his raised head looking back at her over his chest as he lay on his back, sprawled over the futon.

"Rei?" The startled blue-eyed boy inquired again, a little more quietly this time. His heart raced from the fright and sudden push the girl had given him. She allowed herself to breathe fully after a few seconds. "Rei, are you alright?" He said unsure, still looking at her with wide eyes. She let her eyes fall shut and nodded thankfully. Finally she dared respond. "I am well..." She whispered weakly. "It was... just a dream."

 _Just a dream._ Shinji thought as he got up on his knees and looked the girl over with a sense of disbelief. It was like the entire room just shook for a moment. He had awakened from the sound of a low subdued rumbling, the items on his desk vibrating over the surface. He found the girl stiff as a board beside him, an arched back and hands clenching at the sheets. She shook as her nails dug into the fabric and he had grabbed her by the shoulders to wake her.

He looked over the room for a moment and rubbed his eyes in disbelief, no evidence that anything strange had occurred. _Was... was that..._ His eyes fell back on her face as she looked at him with relief painted over her face. _...her?_ Relief was replaced entirely by puzzlement and concern as she propped herself up on her elbows now. "Shinji?" She said as the boy sat up beside her, eyes still on hers. He shook his head absentmindedly at the girl, only half grasping being adressed, lost in thought at the same time. _What just happened?_

"What is wrong?" She asked and reached out to touch his arm reassuringly, making him retreat slightly instead. Her brows twitched slightly at this, the corners of her mouth dropping visibly. "I don't know..." He muttered. She felt lost as she sat up further, eyes falling on her lap.

 _Am I seeing things?_ Shinji thought to himself as he tried to regain his composure, not entirely convinced by that possibility. He tried to rid himself of the jitters he was feeling as her eyes darted back to his. Before either could say anything else the door to the room slid open, the head of a still sleepy Misato poked through. "Are you alright? I heard a scream just now." She said as she poked at her still puffy eyes with her pinky.

"Wait... you two slept in the same room?" She wasn't sure how she felt about that, but an opportunity to tease had presented itself and she would not let it pass. "When I said _show some leg_ yesterday I didn't mean sleep with him." Neither of the teens responded, the comment seemingly going straight over their heads. Her devilish grin dropped as another thought occured to her. _Wait... did Shinji do something inappropriate or something?_ She took another look at Shinji and discarded the thought immediatly, the boy in question looking more scared of the girl at the moment than the other way around.

She slid the door open fully as she noticed the confused and lost look of the girl. "Are you two doing okay?" Shinji took it as his que to get up quickly and brushed passed her through the door. "I'll... just take a shower and get started on breakfast." A confused Misato looked after the boy then back to Rei. She stepped inside as the bathroom door clicked shut behind her.

She gave the girl a concerned look as she slid the door closed behind her. "Are you alright, Rei? What happened between you two?" The girl in question regarded her with confusion as she sought for words. "I am... unsure." She admitted, then rose from the futon to stand, her gaze focused on her feet. "I have... offended him somehow."

"What did you say to him?" Misato said as she looked over her shoulder for a moment, then back at the girl. Rei took a moment to think about what had occured, and could find nothing she said to have made the boy respond as he did. "...Nothing." She said after a moment. The only thing that she could remember was what she had experienced in her sleep. "I... had a dream."

Misato looked at Rei pensively, the girl under her gaze shifted uncomfortably as she looked around her feet, eyes darting left and right as if seeking for an answer to the situation on the floor. Misato bit her lip and responded with an unsure, "Okay..."

"I..." The girl started as she remembered the end of her dream. She had felt stuck, she had pushed with all her might against an unmoving barrier, her world shaking and tearing around her efforts. As she woke that effort had finally come to fruition. _I pushed him._ She realized finally and looked up at Misato. "I may have hurt him..."

Misato's expression was begging her to explain further. "I dreamt that I could not move and I... pushed him off me when I woke." She said as she looked at her feet again. They locked gazes again as a realization dawned on Rei. "He... must have attempted to wake me."

"I have that sometimes. I think it's a reasonably common nightmare, Rei." She said in an attempt to reasure the girl, not really succeeding. Even with Rei's very limited experience with dreams, common was not a word that described it properly in her mind. Misato smiled warmly at the girl nonetheless and closed the distance between them. "You probably just startled him. I'm sure he'll be okay after breakfast. Cooking seems to calm his nerves, anyway." She patted the girl on the head and gave her hair a rustle, making the girl shrink slightly under her efforts. "Take a shower after Shinji and you'll feel better as well. I'll see if I can get you some fresh clothes."

* * *

Shinji stood under the shower's warm stream of water as his mind tried to come to terms with what happened just minutes earlier. The water was somewhat soothing but he hardly noticed, forgetting to wash himself for the moment. _What was that just now?_

The water impacted with his head and tickled his scalp. He turned his head upwards to let the water stream over his face, finally realizing he was in the shower again, yet remaining still in thought. _It didn't look like she noticed at all..._ He wondered, becoming more and more unsure of himself. _Neither did Misato..._

He lifted his hands up and brushed them across his face, rubbing his eyes, then wiping his hair back along with the water. _Am I just seeing things?_ He opened his eyes and breathed deeply as he stuck his head out of the stream and let it run across the tensed muscles of his back.

He finally managed to relax a little under the warm water. Becoming more aware of his situation he absentmindedly grasped the shampoo and squeezed some in his hands, then started to massage it into his hair. Worry for the girl was replacing the aftermath of the unusual experience now. _What is she dreaming about? She said she dreamt in the hospital as well. She's... she's still hurting._ He thought dejectedly.

He opened his eyes without thinking and found the soap stinging his eyes. "Ow..." He muttered as he tried to wipe the suds from his eyes. "Damnit..." He cupped his hands to catch some of the water and splashed his face a couple of times, making sure not to let more of the shampoo run into his eyes.

He resolved to finish the task at hand, and to alleviate his doubts soon. _I'll ask her again tonight. I don't want her to hurt anymore... not after everything._ He washed the last of the shampoo from his hair and took a generous helping of shower gel from the bottle within his reach. Without further thought he finished washing up and turned the knobs to disengage the shower.

He took a towel to begin drying himself off, going slowly over the motions, again getting lost in thought. The image of the girl clenching at the sheets, arched back and all, flashed through his mind. It hurt seeing her like that. _What could it have been. What is she going through?_ A cold fright seeped into his heart as he stopped in the middle of drying his hair. _What did the Angel do to her?_

 _Or..._ The broken glasses in her apartment, mangled and bloodied. The cuts on her hands. _...was it father?_ Anger filled him up for a moment and he had to close his eyes and breathe consciously to rid himself of it.

He put some fresh clothes on and slid the door open to find the girl standing outside. A neat stack of fresh clothes sat in her arms which she clenched closer to her chest as he regarded her. Her widened eyes and lifted eyebrows spoke an unasked question. His heart tightened with regret at the realization that he had retreated from the girl's touch earlier. He couldn't find words to express himself so he answered her expression with a small reassuring smile. She relaxed under his gaze, the corners of her mouth tugging up just enough for him to notice.

Both teens looked down and spoke at the same time, "I'm sorr-..." They locked gazes again in surprise, both feeling responsible somehow for what had happened and trying to voice their regret. "It's alri-..." Again they spoke in unison, producing a small blush on the two. Shinji laughed shortly at the strange exchange, and the corners of Rei's lips tugged further up. The teens tried to make way for the eachother, ending up in blocking they way for both. Shinji scratched his head in embarressment and Rei looked at her feet. The boy stepped back after a second to allow her in, then left the bathroom to its' new occupant.

 _That was silly._ He thought as he leaned against the outer wall of the bathroom for a moment, having nearly forgotten the morning's strange beginning already. _I'm just... glad she's here and that she's okay._ He stepped out of the hallway and into the living room to find Misato walking over to the fridge, undoubtedly to gather her morning beer. _I don't think I thanked Misato enough for this._ "Misato?" He inquired timidly as he stepped closer to her. She pulled an alcoholic beverage from the fridge and pushed the door closed as she looked over her shoulder. "What is it Shin-chan?" She said sweetly, cold Yebisu in hand.

Unsure of what to say he closed the distance between them, the older woman turning to face him. The boy surprised her by embracing her, leaving her standing with raised arms and an astonished look on her face. "Thank you, Misato... for letting her stay here." He spoke, muffling his voice with his head burried into her waist. Slowly she set the beer down on the kitchen counter and let her arms fall to return the embrace to Shinji, patting his still damp hair with one hand.

"So... you two are okay then?" She inquired after a moment. "Yeah... she just... startled me a bit." He said, voice still muffled. "Alright... be careful with her Shinji." She said as she rubbed the boy's back. _Perhaps... I'm not such a bad surrogate mom after all._ She mused, reveling in the endearing experience.

* * *

Shinji retrieved the dishes from the table after a relatively pleasant breakfast. Misato hadn't made them feel too awkward for a change, and now the two females prepared for their trip to the commercial district.

"See ya!" Misato called as she made their way towards the door with Rei in tow. Shinji turned around with a broad smile on his face. "Ok... have fun. See you two in a bit." Shinji replied, smile turning into a pensive look at the pair in the hallway as a thought occured to him. _I hope Misato won't push her too hard... or... tell her to do something embarrassing._ Suddenly the idea of leaving the quiet girl alone with Misato was becoming a little less appealing.

Misato turned with her hand already on the doorhandle as she remembered the redhead. "Oh hey, Shinji? Did you see Asuka by any chance? I haven't seen her for a while. I called her yesterday, but got no answer. I wonder where she is..."

He turned from the sink where he was depositing some empty cups and responded. "Uh... I don't know, Hikari's maybe?" He said as he remembered what Asuka had told him two days before. "She said she went there thursday and I only saw her shortly yesterday morning." He wasn't ready to tell her he got into a fight with her just yet.

"Is that so? Well... I'll give her another call and see where she's at. Let's go Rei." With that the two walked out the door. As they made their way down the stairs, she picked her phone and dialed Asuka's mobile number. She let it ring until they reached the car parked neatly in the lot down below but got no answer. She stopped for a moment to regard the thing in her hand with a pensive look. _Hmm... that's odd. She's still not answering. She didn't answer yesterday either... I hope she's alright._

Rei felt a little daunted by the idea of spending so much time alone with the Major. The woman had a tendency to talk alot, and that was something she was quite unused to. Besides that, the Major had a knack for saying unexpected things. Nevertheless, Shinji trusted the woman and she felt that she should as well. She had shown care to her the other day, and she had agreed to let her stay in her apartment.

"So... are you two an item now or something?" Misato said as if trying to prove the girl's internal assumptions about her to be right. She looked at the girl with a sly grin, reveling in the uncomfortable and confused look she received from the usually stoic girl. _What am I thinking... would that even be right?_

"An... item?" Rei responded hesitantly, knowing the term to be used by her classmates, but unsure if she and Shinji qualified as such.

"It's just a joke, Rei... you can lighten up a bit." Misato reassured as she smiled at the girl.

"Yes Major."

Misato sighed internally. _Always so formal... we'll have to change that._ "You don't have to call me that, Rei. We're not on duty right now. Besides, it makes me feel old, haha... Just call me Misato, OK? Katsuragi even, if that makes you feel more comfortable." She said as she returned her attention to the road. "Besides, you'll be living with us now." The girl responded with the same hesitant tone. "Yes, ma'a-... K-katsuragi-san."

Misato hummed. _Katsuragi-san... well it'll have to do for now. Maybe I should tone it down a little._ Misato thought as the two sat in silence for a while. _Here I am being sunshine and rainbows while I haven't really paid her much attention._ She let the thought roll around her mind for a while as she stole a glance at the girl beside her. Finally she decided to speak her mind. "Rei, I know... maybe I haven't been too available for you in the past... I..."

Rei looked back at her with a surprised look and used Misato's pause to interrupt. "I... It is alright, Maj-... Katsuragi-san..." She still tripped over how to adress the woman, but Misato in turn ignored her slip-up as she responded, eyes still on the road. "No... no I don't think it is Rei..."

The girl didn't respond but kept her eyes on the woman for a moment. Misato sighed as she looked at the girl again as they pulled up at a red light. "I'm... I'm supposed to be responsible for you guys, and I... I kinda neglected you to be honest." She sighed as she thought of how to explain. "I just... you just always seemed pretty strong and together..." She smiled lightly at the girl. "You're pretty hard to read you know..."

The girl in question turned her eyes to the dashboard in front of her, and otherwise did not respond making Misato bite her lip. "Anyway... I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can tell me what's on your mind... whether you're worried or... or feeling bad."

"I understand..."

Misato's eyes fell on the girl's bandaged hands again and ventured a question. "What happened to you Rei? What happened during the Angel attack...?" The girl's eyes dropped to her own hands as well, her response seemed to catch in her throat.

"What happened during the synchronisation test?" She pushed again carefully, trying not to sound too forceful. Still, no response. _Perhaps I'm pushing too much too soon._ Misato thought as the traffic light turned to green. "Rei... I'm sorry I didn't mean for this to be an interrogation." She put the car into gear and returned her eyes to the road.

They drove on in silence until they reached the commercial district of Tokyo III. Misato parked the car and took the key from the ignition when she was stopped by Rei's quiet voice. "Katsuragi-san?"

"Yes, Rei?"

She seemed to be looking for words. Her brow furrowed as she tried to push herself to ask the question on her mind. "Why... do you care?"

 _What a question... but she's trying to open up._ She thought about it for a moment as she looked at the girl, met by Rei's expectant expression. "Honestly... I don't know Rei." She fell silent for a moment, then continued. "Just know that I do care... I don't want you to hurt, inside our outside..."

She paused for a moment, trying to find a more appropriate answer for the girl. "You know... you remind me a little bit of myself some time back. I... I was mute for a long while, and when I finally started talking it took me a while to get more than two words out..."

The slight widening of Rei's eyes melted her heart. "Maybe... maybe that's why I care Rei..." Misato was rewarded with a softness of the eyes and slightly reassured look from the solemn girl. She beamed another warm smile at the girl as if to drive her message home further. _She's more fragile than I thought..._ She squeezed her shoulder lightly and retrieved her hand. _She needs some distraction from all this._

She pulled the lever on the door and unlocked it, putting one foot outside on the pavement before giving the girl another glance. "Let's go shopping, huh?"

* * *

Asuka walked back through the warming morning sun. Her muscles ached from the compromised position she had slept in at the abandoned theatre. She had woken up early, and after some deliberation had decided to return home. _Might as well get this over with._ She thought as she clasped her arms around her chest, rubbing her hands on her arms to get warm. The sun was pleasant but the cool night air had yet to be dissipated entirely. She shivered as she rounded a corner and the tall building she had come to know as her home came into view.

She walked onto the parking lot outside the apartment building and stopped in her tracks as her phone buzzed in her pocket. Lifting the device to her eyes revealed Misato to be the caller. She was determining whether to answer the phone since she was so close to home when two figures moved into her periferal vision. Her focus shifted from the phone to the pair as she realized who they were. Her hand dropped to her side, eyes wide in astonishment.

"What the...!?" She exclaimed more loudly than she had intended, the phone still buzzing in her hand. Quickly she ducked behind a parked car and peaked over the hood to look at the duo as they crossed the parking area, then back at the device in her hand. Misato was right there, phone in hand, calling her as she regarded her from a distance. Beside her, the unmistakable mop of blue hair belonging to Rei Ayanami. And she was wearing her dress! She had to press her hand over her mouth to prevent herself from yelling outright again. _What the fuck!?_

Anger and resentment were starting to boil within her insides but she kept quiet. They hadn't noticed her. They entered Misato's car and drove off. After waiting for the Renault Alpine to dissapear into the distance entirely she stood back up. _What the hell was_ _ **she**_ _doing here, and why the_ _ **hell**_ _is she wearing my clothes!_ The anger was starting to reach critical mass. She pulled into a sprint, resuming her way towards her home. _I'm gone for a day... and I'm already replaced?_ She smashed the elevator button with her fist, her phone still clenched tightly between her fingers. She crossed her arms over her chest as she fumed, her jaw clenching with fury.

After a moment the elevator dinged and the doors opened. She grit her teeth and pressed the button for her floor and huffed as the doors finally closed and the ascent started. "Those... those **assholes**." She squealed as her gut and heart clenched up with indignation. She growled through ground teeth as her chagrin started to spin out of control. She slammed her fist into the side of the elevator wall, denting the thin metal plating that covered the insides.

Finally the doors opened and she stomped to the front door. "Replaced as a pilot... and now for that doll!?" She opened the door and stormed inside to find Shinji standing in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes. As loudly as she could she screamed at the boy's back. "What the **fuck** is going on here?!" The boy jumped up in surprise, nearly dropping the plate he was holding in his hands, and faced the angry redhead.

"Asuka! You're back!" The boy exclaimed in surprise. "You scared the hell out of me." He regained his composure and smiled at her sheepishly. "We we're worried abo-" He stopped as he noticed the fierce look the girl gave him. She remembered the device still clenched in her hand and in her rage hurled the thing at Shinji's head. The blue-eyed boy only barely managed to dodge the object. It smashed into a dozen pieces on the cupboard behind him.

 _That scumbag has the nerve to smile at me after everything!_ Asuka scolded internally as she closed the distance between them in an instant. "Don't give me that! Why the **hell** was wondergirl here?" The boy's eyes grew wide as saucers at the girl's aggressive approach. His hands tightened around the plate and damp towel he still held in his hands, bringing them up over his chest in an effort to defend himself.

Asuka slapped the plate out of his hands sending it tumbling to the floor, shattering on impact against it. The boy's eyes squeezed shut and he averted his head at the sudden barrage that followed, blocking her hands with his arms, one hand still grasping at the towel. She pulled at it to remove his hands from her field of fire and slapped him with the other. "A-Asuka, don't!" He yelled as he evaded another swing, his cheek already glowing red from the first.

" **Shut up!** I'm gone for a day, and I'm replaced just like that?!" She yelled as she took him by the forearms. "Huh?! Replaced? I-it's not like that! Asu-..." She interrupted the boy with a shove, making him backpeddle into the kitchen counter, his head hitting the handle of the cupboard above it in the same spot it had bounced off the glass balcony door at Rei's apartment the day before. He doubled over in pain as he dropped to his knees. His hand shot towards the back of his head giving Asuka a clear shot at his side. She kicked him hard and knocked the wind out of him.

"I hope you two have fun with your new roommate! I'm sure she'll be much easier to handle than I am. Just set the doll up in her corner and she'll be all settled!" She yelled as her anger peaked. The boy was unable to respond as he tried to catch his breath. The girl spun on her heels and ran off out the door, down the steps and back into the streets. The anger she felt now vented left only the loneliness to fester. She couldn't stop herself. A sob, then a tear, and more to follow. _They all left me. Discarded me... Just like that..._

She ran until her veins pumped acid and her muscles burned. Tears slipped endlessly from the corners of her eyes. She couldn't run anymore, her energy spent. She found a small bench and collapsed into it, sobbing uncontrollably. _Replaced... by_ _ **him**_ _._ She thought of the grey-haired boy, then the red-eyed girl. _And now_ _ **her**_ _..._ She curled up into a ball on the bench and cried until there were no more tears to spend. _Am I that worthless to them?_ She wailed loudly as the hurt she felt saturated every inch of her skin.

An all too familiar voice broke her from her thoughts. "Are you alright, miss Sohryu?" _Not him... anyone but him._ Asuka thought despondedly as she recognized the boy's voice. She peeked over her arm with one teary eye to reveal Kaworu. She was overcome with hate as she leapt from the bench and to the boy in a single fluid move. She grabbed him by the collar and nearly knocked him off his feet. "You!" She screetched angrily.

Her energy sagged suddenly, having all her reserves spent in her sprint. She breathed heavily and was starting to hyperventilate, the lack of proper food, sleep and energy over the past few days catching up with her. "...you..." She muttered weakly as her face went pale and her strength left her completely. Her eyes rolled back and she sagged into unconsciousness.

The girl slumped and Nagisa barely manage to grab her before she collapsed. "Oh my..." He spoke softly, recovering from his surprise, the girl limp in his arms. He smiled warmly at the girl as he picked her up in his arms. "You haven't been taking very good care of yourself, have you?" He shook the girl gently to evoke a response but got none.

He was unsure of what to do with the unresponsive creature in his arms. She had just come running from the direction of her home. He wondered if he should return there with her but quickly decided against it. Strangely enough fate had brought the girl onto his path once again and an opportunity presented itself to get an inside look of another of earth's creatures minds. He smiled at the realization like only he could. The unconscious girl's head lolled around limply as he shifted her in his arms to a more comfortable position. "Well... I better take you home to get you back to strenght."

* * *

They had been going around the shopping mall for a while now. Even simple items had been a bit of a chore. Sure, a toothbrush was easy enough, but the girl didn't seem to care much for any more luxurious items. Fancy shampoos, conditioners, some nice perfume... even a hairbrush seemed to be entirely lost on the girl.

In the end Misato had just made the choice for Rei, but wondered if she would use them at all. Going for simple but classic seemed to be the way to go, the girl had at least responded somewhat favourably to the scent of lavender. "Agreeable was the word she used..." Misato mumbled to herself as she dropped a rather expensive natural sponge into the basket along with the other items. "I'm sure she'll find this _agreeable..._ " She laughed to herself.

She had sent the girl over to the clothing section to find something that she liked. As she walked up to her from a distance she could tell Rei was a little lost in all the options. She slowed her pace to see where her gaze lingered, whether there was anything that seemed to at least interest the girl on a basic level.

She halted for a moment a few clothing racks away from the girl when Rei turned and made her way over to a specific item and ran her hands across the fabric. _Hmm... conservative, but not bad._ It was a plain white lace dress that reached just below the knees. It had a tighter fit around the ribs with a simple seam just below the breasts, a thin white ribbon that moved up the middle from the seam tied together in a simple bow just below the collarbone, with two parallel frayed accents at either side on the front. Along with it went a salmon coloured piece that was supposed to be worn underneath it, just visible around the chest. _Not bad at all..._ Misato thought as she closed the distance to Rei.

"You like this dress, huh?" She said, making the girl jump slightly as she turned her head to look at the intruder, keeping her hand on the fabric as she explored the texture between her fingers. She nodded. "It is... soft, and..." Misato laughed a little as the girl paused for a moment. "Agreeable?" The blue-haired girl blinked. "Pretty..." Rei said instead, surprising Misato and making her smile. "Try it on..."

* * *

Shinji didn't know exactly how long he had been laying where he was, but he did know that it hadn't been long enough for the throbbing pain in his head or his side to subside. He tried to get up carefully from his sitting position against the kitchen cabinets and stopped immediatly when a sharp pain flared up. He needed to find a more comfortable space to sit this out. He groaned miserably, and moved despite the pain, grabbing the kitchen counter to pull himself up with the arm on his unhurt side.

He staggered to the freezer and took out two packs of ice. He let the door fall shut behind him as he staggered his way over to the sofa a few meters away. He whinced as he sat down on it, using the armrest to keep one icepack in place on his side, holding the other over his head with his good hand.

"My god she kicks hard..." He groaned in misery. Breathing too deeply hurt him, let alone speaking. He sighed painfully as he leaned back gently into the seat, careful not to let the pack of ice on his side slide from its' position.

 _Replaced... she said she was replaced. Is that what she thinks this is?_ He thought as he bit through the pain. _She must be hurting inside as well._ He groaned again, now more from feeling sorry for the girl than his own circumstances, even if they were caused by the fiery redhead.

 _She wouldn't even let me speak._ He thought as he remembered his unfortunate encounter. _If only... if only she'd just listen. But she never lets anyone get close to her..._ He sighed, the cold from the ice was starting to soothe the pain somewhat now. "Whatever I do..." He muttered to himself. "She always pushes me away."

He winced in pain as he looked over to the direction of his room, wondering whether to grab his phone to call Misato about what happened. After a moment of deliberation he tried to get up, but even the slightest movement increased the pain in his head and stung his side. He fell back into the seat as he exhaled painfully. He decided to stay put for now and closed his eyes as he tried to get through the worst of this without further agonizing his bruised head and side. _I'll tell her when she gets home._

* * *

More then a couple of hours had passed now as they went about the shops contained within the large mall. Misato had unlocked something in the girl as she went around the clothing racks and found more and more dresses to try on. Her taste hadn't strayed much from Misato's initial classification of conservative, but she did have an eye for what fit her physique. The preferred colour palette seemed to be limited to mostly white and blue. She had suggested a number of items to the girl with a different range of colours, but that hadn't been much of a succes. Red was apparently a definate no-go, despite how well it went with the girl's eyes.

Denim trousers were quickly dismissed along with anything not unmistakenly feminine. Finally she had taken a chance with a salmon coloured dress which, against her expectations, passed Rei's inspections and was tried on. It ended up in the 'to-buy' pile along with a teal blue one that she had tried on before it. Now she was waiting for Rei to come back with the latest selection she had offered. After receiving a pensive look, she had taken them and dissapeared back behind the curtain of the changing room.

She stood waiting for a long time and decided to take a peak through the curtain. The girl looked unsure as she regarded herself in the mirror, apparently lost in thought. "It looks good on you, Rei." Misato said reassuringly, to which the blue-haired girl rewarded her a slightly startled look through the mirror. "Don't you think?" She asked after a moment of silence. The girl turned to watch the dress from the sides left and right, grasping slightly at the skirt as she did, then turned around to face the Major. A minute nod confirmed her question. A soft smile graced Misato's lips as she looked the girl over. "Why don't you keep that on. Asuka's gonna have a fit if she ever saw you in her clothes." She smiled wider, not realizing how true that statement had proven to be to a certain brown-haired boy across the city from them.

Misato drew the curtain aside entirely and stepped back to allow the girl some room. Finally the girl emerged from the dressing room in the loose fitting lace dress. Thin straps to go over the shoulders, a frayed edge at the top and along the front that went all the way down to where it met a simple seam that tightened the fit around the hips, and a skirt going down halfway along the thighs. A simple black shirt with v-shaped neck went underneath. _Good enough._ Misato mused. "Alright Rei, that's enough I think. Let's go home."

* * *

Rei sat silently pondering what the day had brought until now. She ventured a quick peek at the Major beside her in the driver's seat. _Why does she do this for me?_ She thought as she realized she had never spent so much time with the woman, let alone accompanied her to shop for clothing, something she had never considered doing ever. She ran her palms over the soft fabric of her newly bought dress, not noticing the sideways glance Misato gave her or the small smile that crossed her lips.

 _She cares?_ It was an odd affair, caring for another. She felt it for Shinji. _To care..._ _A warm feeling when another is... well._ She couldn't find the word for the feeling but it would have to do. _A cold feeling when another is hurting._ Hurt she knew well. The blonde doctor flashed through her mind for a moment as well as the Commander. _But not for everyone. Caring... it involves trust?_ She dismissed the thought immediatly, erasing the two from her mind in the hopes of discarding the painful memories that she had come to associate with them.

 _Concern for another person's well being. Wanting... happiness? What is happiness? Have I felt it? Have I felt trust?_ She pondered that for a moment. _Yes._ She concluded, the image of Shinji Ikari occupied her mind. _I trust him. Does he trust me as well? Should he?_ She had yet to tell him. She looked at the woman beside her again, then opened her hands to reveal her scarred palms. A memory; the glasses breaking between her clenching fists. _Trust can be lost. Care can be lost._ A ping of fear resonated through her heart.

 _To care... to care is to trust?_ Rei looked at the Major through the corners of her eyes, only slightly turning her head to regard the woman. _Major Katsuragi. She... trusted me to tell me about her past earlier._ The blue-haired girl concluded as she reminisced about the drive to the commercial district. _"...it took me a while to get more than two words out..."_ The words echoed in the girl's mind momentarily. _Words can express care and trust._

"Katsuragi-san..." Misato didn't respond to the inquiry and kept her eyes on the road. Silence ensued for a moment until Rei spoke again. An insecure tone laced her voice. "M... Misato-san." _Better._ Misato smiled at the thought and looked at the girl. "Yes, Rei?"

"I..." The girl started, then stopped immediatly as her face scrunched up with a sullen look. She was clearly fighting to find the right words. The smile dropped from Misato's face, trying to keep her attention to the road as well as on the girl. "I... There... there are things... about me." The girl resumed cryptically. _Here it comes._ Misato thought as she changed lanes to overtake a car. She wanted to give the girl her full attention, but attending to the road and her was making that difficult.

"Rei... give me a moment will you?" She spoke softly as she looked for a spot along the mountain road to park the car. The girl nodded as she resumed her gaze on the road. After a minute the raven-haired woman identified a small open spot overlooking the valley. She let her foot off the gas pedal and let the vehicle roll into it. She let the car idle for a moment, then decided to cut the engine. _This could take more than a moment._ She let her eyes wander to the valley for a moment then turned to look at the girl, shifting slightly in her seat as she did.

Rei identified the moment as her turn to speak and looked at Misato with a somewhat sad expression. She looked down and closed her eyes, trying to find the right words again. Misato could see the internal struggle going on within Rei and decided to preempt her, speaking as kindly as she could. "Rei... there are things I... I have found out about you." The girl opened her eyes and regarded her with shock and a tinge of fear. Misato reached out to gently grasp the girl's shoulder in a comforting manner. "I think... that might be what's worrying you... am I right?" The girl nodded, shock replaced by fear entirely now, not consoled by the woman's touch.

She gave the girl a slight squeeze. "Don't worry, okay?" She smiled softly again. The fear in Rei's eyes eased somewhat. _Kindness... in her eyes as well. Trust. Care._ She thought as she regarded the Major. She sighed with slight relief and spoke. "I am... scared." Misato tilted her head, waiting for the girl to continue. "Scared that... Shinji might not understand." She started to tremble at the admission, never having spoken so bluntly about feelings. It was a vulnerability she hadn't much experience with.

"What do you know about yourself, Rei?" Misato said as she squeezed the girl's shoulder again slightly. She turned to face the girl a bit more, laying her leg sideways over the driver's seat and resting her ear against the seat's headrest. The girl fidgeted with her hands in her lap, her eyes shifting left and right as she looked at nothing in particular between her feet.

"I am... not human. I was... made." Misato didn't speak but let her hand slide down the girl's arm and to her hand, taking it gently in her own, urging her to continue with the touch. "The Angel. It... contacted me, and... something of me... within Eva." Misato's eyebrows raised, and kept silent still. "I... I have dreams. Dreams of something... something that I am." The girl closed her eyes, the beginnings of tears edging at the sides. Silence reigned for a long time only broken by an occasional car speeding by and the cicadas outside. Finally the girl broke it with a whisper. "I am... scared of what they might mean."

"You're wrong, Rei." Misato asserted, but spoke kindly. "You're more human than you think." A surprised look crossed the blue-haired girl's face as she found the Major's eyes. A single tear detached from her eyelashes and slid down her cheek. Misato pulled the girl into a warm embrace, feeling tears wet her shoulder through her jacket.

"I... feel as though I am not myself..." The girl sobbed. "I... long for death." She admitted through the tears. "...I long for it, and he won't let me." Rei shivered despite the warmth. A coldness gripped Misato's heart at her words and she tightened the embrace, closing her eyes as she rubbed the girl's back. A whisper. "Now... I am unsure." Misato sighed in relief, the icy feeling melting somewhat. She pulled back from the embrace and cupped the girl's face in her hands, peering into eyes of red.

The young pilot's eyes disengaged from her own. She was searching for words again, Misato could see. She waited patiently for the girl to voice her thoughts. "I... I do not... value my life..." _I am unhappy._ Rei added mentally in conclusion of her earlier ruminations.

The corners of the raven-haired woman's mouth angled down and she bit the inside of her cheek, her head tilting to the side as she regarded Rei. "Is that why you tried to hurt yourself?" Misato asked the girl, concern filling her heart as she let her hands fall to gently grasp the girl's. Rei nodded slightly in response. She pulled back further from the embrace and carefully thumbed the scars on the girls hands as she held them.

Red pupils found hers again and the girl trembled but held the gaze. "Shinji... trusts me. He might reject me if... if he finds out about... me." The tears were subsiding now, but a sad expression remained. "I can see that he cares for you alot, you know." Misato cooed softly as she dropped her eyes on their hands. "You should tell him what you know. Tell him about the dreams. Just... just tell him. It would be better that he hears it from you. He worries for you."

Misato still wasn't sure how much the girl knew, but it was clear that she was still hurting. Sharing feelings was painful, she knew. Rouji Kaji came to mind. They had been close once, and hurt eachother to the point of breaking up. Then he stepped back into her life, and all the old feelings had resurfaced, both pleasant and not. To care for eachother sometimes also meant hurting one another. He had hurt her again, but not by mistreatment. His death had hurt her, his gift had shown her care.

She pulled the girl into a hug again, comforted slightly by it from her own thoughts. "Rei. He may be hurt by whatever it is you tell him." She said honestly as she broke the hug, holding the girl gently by the shoulders as she looked into her eyes. "But as long as you trust him, and tell him truthfully he will understand." The girl nodded in understanding and sighed. Neither broke their gaze as they looked at eachother a moment longer before Misato broke the silence. "Will you be okay?"

Rei thought it over for a moment and nodded. _To care is to trust._ The hands on her shoulders fell back as Misato smiled one last time. She gave the teen a quick caress of the cheek before sitting back into the drivers seat. "Alright, let's go. Shinji's probably started dinner already."

* * *

Asuka woke to the grumbling of her own stomach, feeling lightheaded as she sat up in an unfamiliar room. "Wha- _..._ " _How did I end up here? Where am I?_ Her empty stomach growled once more.

"Ah you're up..." That all too familiar voice again, belonging to a boy with an all too kind smile, mocking her with its' brilliance. "You!" Asuka spat, as if continuing where she had left off a few hours earlier. The boy lifted his hands in a defensive manner, as if to dissuade an armed robber from holding him up in an dark alley. "Now now, I was just-..." The girl cut him off immediatly as she sprang up from the sofa she had been laying on. "What th-... aah." She slurred as her lightheadedness caught up with her and stumbled forward, trying to keep her balance as her body protested once more to the lack of proper nourishment. Despite her anger she sagged into the red-eyed boy, the world blackening around her, stars sparkling in her vision.

Her vision cleared for a moment and she was about to reinvigorate her attempt to pounce Kaworu when the girl wobbled on her feet, knees soft, legs almost succumbing to gravity. She fell over forward and the grey-haired teen grabbed her to stop her from falling completely for the second time that day. "Ah... keep... your hands off me." The half-German protested weakly. With a smile Kaworu set her straight back up on her feet and let his hands fall to his sides. More demanding sounds emanated from Asuka's abdomen as she hardly managed to stand, needing to grab the boy by the shoulder to keep herself upright.

"I would, but you can hardly stand on your own two feet." He said almost mockingly. The girl felt too queasy to notice the slight jab, her tummy let itself be heard once again. "Ah..." The boy raised his finger before his chest as he remembered what he had been doing in the kitchen. "I thought you might be hungry. I have some food for you in the kitchen." He looked at the girl with that ever present smile as he put his hands on her shoulders to steady her. He slipped an arm around her back. "Here, let me help you." The anger was seeping away from the girl, along with her strenght. She let herself be led towards the kitchen and sat down at what could be called a small dining table.

"F...food huh?" She grumbled, too lightheaded to remember her anger. Her stomach made a peculiar squeaking sound, like a hungry puppy pestering its' owner for food. _Something to eat doesn't sound so bad... even if it comes from him. I'll kick his ass afterwards._ The boy dissapeared from her view for a moment, the edges of which were very slowly creeping in on her as she tried to keep steady in her seat. After a few seconds he returned to the table with a bowl of miso soup and a some stir fried vegetables.

He sat down across from her and looked at her curiously, but remained silent as she began to eat her food. "You didn't return home after I saw you yesterday, did you?" He said finally, quirking an eyebrow as the girl slurped up the half of her bowl of soup in a somewhat undignified manner. Asuka looked at him over the bowl's edge but otherwise did not respond. _Damnit. He knows that I saw him._ She thought, downing another portion of her soup. She put the bowl down and looked at him for a moment. "What's it to you?" She said, discontent lacing her voice.

"Just curious." He stated simply as he watched her munching away at the vegetables on her plate. She peeked through her eyebrows again, taking another bite. _Damnit... it´s good too. Almost as good as Shinji´s._ "I..." She started. "I was going to go home this morning." She said just before she took the bowl of soup in both hands again, enjoying the warmth between her hands and the taste in her mouth more than she wanted to admit.

 _Why am I sharing this with him. I want to hate his guts... but..._ She stopped the thought, blocking another admission to herself from forming. She emptied the last bit of the broth and put the empty container back on the table with a thud. She couldn't stop herself as she explained further, anger seeping into her voice. "I came home to find Misato and Rei coming out of the appartment. So I went up to give Shinji a piece of my mind."

"What did he have to say?" Kaworu's interest peaked at mention of the blue-eyed boy's name. A somewhat ashamed look replaced the anger on Asuka's face. "Nothing, I kicked the crap out of him. I ran away after that." _I wonder how he's doing._ She admitted to herself, the anger now fully replaced with shame.

"Oh..." He breathed. "Why'd you run away from your home, then?"

 _Why did I? Shinji looked happy to see me..._ Her heart sank for but a moment as she remembered the boy's smiling face before the defenses came back up in an instant, replacing the shame and sorrow for her actions with anger. Pushing people away was easier than showing weakness, much more familiar. "Because I hate them! And you!"

"Why?" He asked innocently as he tilted his head.

"Why shouldn't I hate you!? You're my replacement, and they've discarded me like an old toy." _Like momma discarded me for that doll..._ She felt weak again. "And you know what?" She said as a lump formed in her throat. "They should!" Her voice croaked. "I'm damaged goods..." She whimpered. The boy looked oddly at the coined phrase. _Damaged goods... I've never heard that before. Such creative possibilities with language._ He smiled at the realization, forgetting his guest for but a moment. _Oddly fitting, I suppose._ He recovered from his internal reverie and gazed at the now sullen girl as she broke him from his thoughts.

"Perhaps they were trying to help her. Did you maybe misconstrue their actions?" His demeanor and voice remained calm, only acting as a catalist for the anger that was still present in the redhead's heart and gut. "Misconstrue my ass! I saw them coming out of my appartment with... with that **bitch** , that **doll**! They even dressed her up like me! Those assholes..." She trailed off as her voice broke, anger almost vented, leaving mostly pain.

"Doll?"

"Rei, Goddamnit! They replaced me for that damn...!" She squealed, leaving the sentence unfinished. "I'm gone for a day and all of a sudden she's there, and she's wearing my freaking clothes!" He remained calm as ever. "I'm sure it is not like that. Miss Ayanami is in bad shape. Perhaps they took her in to help her."

"Yeah?! Is that why you took **me** in!?" The girl jeered at the boy across from her as she stood from her seat and slammed her hands on the tabletop, making the tableware dance on its' surface at the sudden jolt. Tears were brimming in her eyes. "Like some stray cat you found abandoned in the city!?" Asuka's sobbed, her words stirring the memory of Kaworu's first encounter with Shinji within his mind. "I don't want your fucking pity..." She yammered, tears starting to stream across her face. _God I'm so pathetic. Crying my fucking eyes out at some stranger._

Kaworu's eyes narrowed though he remained calm. _This one needs something else._ "Because I thought you might need a hand, but perhaps that's not what you were looking for..." He stated flatly as he rose from the seat across from her in response. _She mistakes kindness for weakness._

"It's no life. A pointless existence." He paused for a moment, then continued. "To go on without purpose, I mean. Just waiting for the day to die." There was no trace left of the smile that seemed to occupy his face always. His eyes were cold, his demeanor detached somehow. He stepped around the table, stalking at her like a predator does its' prey. "If it is death you're looking for, there are plenty who would deal it." His voice was cold like his eyes as he slowly moved towards her.

"Perhaps it would be better..." The girl said dispondedly, the remaining anger gone from her voice in an instant, wiping at her eyes with her fists. "Better?" He inquired with a tilt of the head, moving closer still.

"To be dead..." The girl responded weakly now. His eyes twitched slightly at her statement as he stepped into her personal space. Asuka took a defensive step backward, but found her path blocked by the small wooden chair she had been sitting on. She put a hand on the backrest for support, leaning over backwards to keep from falling over. Asuka regained her footing and quickly stepped through the small gap between the chair and the table to regain some distance. The tears stopped and goosebumps crossed her skin from his icey stare as Kaworu followed suit.

"If that is how you feel..." He near whispered in response as he closed the distance once again and made the girl backpeddle further. She shivered as he inched closer to her, his hands grasping at- and pushing against her shoulders, pressing her back into the wall. His piercing red eyes squinted to see into hers, what lay behind them rather. Hands came up to her neck, enveloping it, thumbs pressing against her throat slightly. Asuka's eyes went wide with shock and fear, but she made no move to stop him. _Holy shit..._ She swallowed against the pressure on her larynx.

The boy continued his stare, looking deeper, the moment lasting for what seemed like an hour to the red-haired pilot. _What is he doing? Is... is he serious?_ Her mind was still trying to play catch-up with what was happening. _I... I don't want to die!_ She yelled internally, but still made no move to stop the boy. _Please, not like this!_

The pressure fell away along with his hands, and the boy stood back up straight, looking down at the girl over his nose. "No. You don't mean it." Asuka swallowed again, eyes still wide as saucers. _Holy hell..._ She exhaled fully, having held her breath the whole time, releasing it in a shudder. He turned and walked away from her with a dismissive wave of the hand. "Stay or leave. I won't stop you. It's up to you." The girl shuddered violently as she crossed her arms over her chest, grasping at her shoulders as she let herself slide down the wall.

* * *

"We're back!" Misato chirped as she stepped through the doorway. She sniffed for a moment, hoping to discover the fine aromas of Shinji's cooking floating through the air. "Shinji?... Asuka!?" She called a little louder as she toed the heel of her shoe to get out off the tight footwear absentmindedly. Having worked off the first piece she continued working on the other shoe. "That's odd..." Misato muttered as she finally managed to kick it off. She hung her jacket onto the coat rack as she stepped out of the small hallway and into the room.

She cast a glance into the kitchen, and finding no one there she looked at her wristwatch. _Almost five-thirty... I would've thought Shinji had started dinner by now..._ "Shinji?" She called again. The blue-haired girl behind her stepped inside as well, casting off her shoes in a swift motion, holding a bunch of bags in each hand. She was suddenly very self-aware in her new state of dress, nervousness filling her as she anticipated a number of possible reactions from Shinji. She was snapped out of it at a croaking noise coming from the sofa further into the living area. "I'm over here..."

Both women walked into the living room to the to the source of the obviousy pained voice. Misato looked over at the kitchen. "I thought you would've sta-..." Her voice cut off as she noticed the broken pieces of ceramics and what was once a mobile phone strewn about the floor. She looked back to the boy sprawled over the sofa, two now melted bags of lukewarm water by his head and side. "What happened?" Both women said simultaneously. He managed to lift his head off the armrest and gave them a pained expression through squinted eyes.

After a moment the boy tried to sit up and regretted it instantly, letting himself fall back onto the sofa. After a whince and a groan he muttered nearly inaudibly. "It... it was Asuka..." Rei quickly dropped the bags from her hands and moved to Shinji to kneel at his side, a soft hand laid over his forehead. Misato stayed in place, eyeing the boy suspiciously as he continued. "She came back right... ah... right after you left and... she just went off on me." He breathed deeply as he eyed the blue-haired girl. "She... she was saying she had been replaced and... and then she pushed me and kicked the hell out of me. She ran off right after."

"Oh no..." The raven-haired woman muttered in understanding. _She must've seen us leave and drawn the wrong conclusion._ "Did... she didn't tell you where she went did she?" She asked, knowing the obvious answer. The boy looked at her with an expression reading something along the lines of; _"Really?"_ She sighed tiredly. _Just what we needed..._ She eyed the broken piece of hardware on the kitchen floor for a moment. _Well... calling her won't make a difference. What the hell do I do now? Inform Section 9?_

* * *

Ritsuko felt numb as she found herself staring at the picture of her, her mother and the Commander once more. Her finger toyed with the small black cat figurine, letting it teeter on the edge of it's base, bringing it back upright just as it was about to fall over. Her eyes fell to her mother, smiling warmly at the camera. _Akagi... a cursed name... for a cursed family. A family of fools._ She brought the small black cat underneeth her index finger to the brink of imbalance once again. With a push she toppled it over and let it fall.

Her gaze shifted to her own image, a solemn look on her face, hair unbleached back then. For all her efforts to not follow in her mother's footsteps, here she was, so much like her. Ritsuko's finger moved to the white cat and repeated her previous actions. _You should've done something to stop him when you found out, mother._ Her eyes shifted to the fallen black miniature for a brief moment as the last of its' momentum lost out and the gentle sway of it on her desktop came to an end.

She looked at the Commander now. _I can see it so clearly now, even behind those glasses._ She sighed as her eyes fell to the white cat that she considered pushing over like she had the other. Her eyes closed as she remembered her mother, bloodsmeared and broken beside the MAGI supercomputers, the lifeless body of the young Rei Ayanami a level up. She pushed the thing below her hand to the edge, eyes still closed. Another memory. A rubber tube around a neck, an echoing fury and eagerness to smother passed through her mind. _Same girl, different iteration. If I keep true to the family name, there will be no Akagi left to take care of the next one._ She snickered cynically.

No, she was smarter than that. She wouldn't do what her mother did, though it was tempting somehow. There were different ways of lashing out. _Live and learn._ A guilty smile crossed her face for but a moment, being wiped away instantly as the metallic click of a door being opened brought her back to attention in the here-and-now. She swiveled around on her chair to regard the entrant. The white cat swayed back and forth until it regained balance. Kozo Fuyutsuki stepped through the portal, closing the door behind him in a smooth motion. The tall man regarded her for a moment, and she him. "Fuyutsuki... I wasn't sure if I'd see you again." She admitted wryly.

He eyed her for a moment, staying where he was. "It appears I am still alive, yes. Though I'm not sure whether I'm surprised or grateful... or both... or if perhaps I should be neither." His face remained unchanged from the calm that he had entered with, despite his situation. "There is no use in running, and there is no use in keeping up an act of innocence." He said plainly.

The woman hummed, eyes blank. Silence ensued between the two, both unsure of what to say. "I came her to face him. For the girl's sake... for Yui's..." That was something the woman did not want to hear. _They're all entranced by her still, even after so many years... her and that_ _ **mimic.**_ Ritsuko looked at him a moment longer and turned back to her laptop, trying to hide the sneer that formed on her mouth, starting up programs and opening folders for no other reason than to appear busy.

"What's that you're carrying with you." She asked with feigned interest without looking at the grey-haired deputy Commander again. Kozo looked to the binder in his hand briefly. "It is something I wish to give the Major. Have you seen her by any chance?"

"No... she's off duty today, Saturday and all." She said dismissively. Kozo sighed in resignation, contemplating what to do now. "Fine... did you talk with Ikari at all, after..." His words trailed off.

"This morning." Came the short reply, still no eye-contact. "He told me replacing her was no longer necessary." Fuyutsuki didn't notice the hint of contempt hidden in the mention of the young pilot, too preoccupied by his thoughts on the best course of action.

He cleared his throat as he regarded the blonde doctor's back a moment longer, sensing there was something off, but too preoccupied to do anything about it. "Well then, I'll... go to him." The woman's fingers moving over the keyboard stopped suddenly, and she looked at the man with barely a sideways glance. "Good luck." She said cynically, then returned her eyes to the screen and her hands to their pointless endeavour.

The tall man stepped out the door without another word and she was left once again on her own. Her fingers stopped their incessant and futile tapping, no one left to observe her, no one left to fool. A quiet tear slipped down her cheek. _All of them. All for her._ Her eyes fell closed. _What about me? Nothing for me... Nothing but the malevolence in my heart to keep me company._

* * *

The trio had shared a short and quiet dinner, ordering takeout with Shinji in no condition to do any cooking. Quickly afterwards Misato had excused herself to go looking for the redheaded pilot, leaving Shinji and Rei alone in the apartment. The quiet in the house continued as the two teens sat at the dining table. Rei fidgeted with the fabric of her new dress underneath the table, feeling strangely dissapointed the boy had not made mention of her clothes, but understanding his current state of mind.

The boy was obviously distraught, and she was having a hard time finding the words to adress the issue. Rei wanted to help him somehow, console him perhaps, but what she should say to him she didn't quite know. After a while the boy across from her broke the silence with a sigh, his head on the table and arms encircling it. "This is all because of me... I'm responsible for this."

"Why?"

"I... got into a fight with Asuka two days ago... at the hospital. I... said things I shouldn't have. I try... but..." He sniffed away a tear, otherwise leaving his head where it lay. "She never listens to me. When I apologize she gets angry... so..." Rei stood from her seat and walked over to the downtrodden boy, laying a hand on his back meaning to comfort him. "I... do not know how I can help." She whispered only just loud enough for the boy to hear.

"That's okay, Rei." Shinji offered, sniffing back more tears that were now silently slipping from his eyes. "You... try to help at least. Thank you for trying..." The blue-haired girl did not know how to respond, so she stayed where she was with her hand on his back, hoping somehow it would soothe him. Despite her efforts his body shook with sobs. "I'm pathetic and weak..." He spoke lowly, though the words didn't really ring true even to him.

Rei tilted her head slightly at the boy's remark, lost in thought a moment. _He is not weak... he feels responsible for other people's pain. Caring is not weakness..._ "That is... not true." She asserted finally. A sense of shock passed through Shinji momentarily at her words, and the tears stopped almost instantly. He rolled his head slightly to regard Rei standing beside him though the corner of his eye, her hand still on his back. _She... she wants to help me. Her touch soothes me._ He realized as he felt some of the darkness within him dissipate through the warmth of her hand.

"I just..." He started as he sniffed away the last few tears while the girl waited for him to voice his thoughts. "I don't want her to hurt... but she won't accept anything I say." Rei looked down, unsure of why the boy remained in defense of the fiery redhead. _He cares for her, even though she mistreats him._ She dismissed the constricting feeling in her heart, one she failed to identify as jealousy. _He does not have to feel this way about her._ Despite the feeling she wished to remain truthful. She disliked the feeling, she registered, and she disliked the way it was tempting her to bend her words. After some effort she responded. "You try, but you cannot help someone that does not accept help."

"I know." He said simply. "For... for the longest time I thought I needed her. I did need her. But in the hospital... I... I guess... I realized that I didn't any longer. I thought... standing up to her would help... that maybe she would respect me... but... whatever I do it's never enough. I can't stop the people I love from getting hurt." Fear spiked her heart at the boy's words. Her mouth moved of its' own accord as she voiced her thoughts. "Love?"

"Y-yeah..."

 _He loves her._ Rei swallowed the beginnings of a lump in her throat as she mulled the boy's words over. _He helped me because I was hurt. He loves me as well?_ That constricting feeling in her gut again. _Is... his love the same for me as it is for her?_

A long silence ensued as the obvious remaining questions festered in both teens' minds, neither having the mental fortitude in this moment to voice them. After a while Shinji lifted his head from the table, tears now subsided. With a sad expression he looked up at Rei and smiled weakly. "Thank you, Rei... for listening." She nodded only slightly in response. Eventually Shinji rose from his seat. "I'm tired... are you?" Again she responded with a nod. Side by side they walked to Shinji's room and entered, the girl first and then the boy.

Rei looked back and gave Shinji a worried look as he yelped in pain behind her when lifting his shirt over his head. He stopped midway, unable to get through the motion further for the moment. He took a deep breath and slowly resumed with a low groan, exhaling as he did. Rei stepped closer to Shinji who now finally succeeded in pulling off the garment. _He is hurt._ A bruise covered his side just under his ribs and she wondered if none had been broken. _I do not wish to see him in pain._ The boy noticed her worried look and smiled uncomfortably at her through the pain, trying to assure her that everything was fine and failing miserably.

She didn't speak as she reached out and gently touched his side, her eyes meeting his for but a moment before her fingers reached his skin. He winced as her fingers ran carefully over it, not so much in pain as for the sensitivity of it. Rei looked at the bruise intently as she assessed the damage with her hand, tenderly running her fingers across his ribs. He looked at her as she inspected his side with wonderment over her careful manner, the softness of her hands. _She's very gentle..._ She caught him looking at her and returned the gaze, concern written over her face. He didn't look away and neither did she. _I could look into her eyes forever._ Shinji realized absentmindedly, a pleasant flutter passing through his stomach.

"I do not think any are broken." She said softly, keeping her eyes on his. "How is your head?" Shinji lifted his arm and brought his hand up to rub his scalp carefully. "It's not so bad... the headache's mostly gone at least." He responded softly as he kept his blue eyes on her red ones, losing himself in them momentarily. There was genuine care in them, a softness reserved only for him. She didn't want him to be hurt, wanted to ease his pain like he did hers. _She cares. I'm... not sure if I ever felt that before... not like this._

He blushed slightly as he became more aware of his state of undress and looked away to the shirt he wore at night that lay on the bed. Rei followed his gaze and moved to pick the garment up, preparing it in her hands to ease his arms through. She helped Shinji put the shirt on with calculated precision, arms first and then his head. He caught her gaze again as he poked his head through the collar and looked at her with a tinge of amazement. She guided the rest of the shirt down his torso and caught his eyes once more as she looked back up.

Rei couldn't look away from the boy, and found herself swimming in his sad blue eyes. She gently lifted her hand to his cheek and brushed against it with the back of her fingers. _Love... is that what this feels like?_ Her eyes fell on his lips not for the first time in the last few days, then moved back to meet his eyes again. Both teens' hearts bubbled with a recognition of the care they felt from and for the other. Neither dared speak. Neither could resist the urge to close the distance.

Ever so slowly they edged closer, tilting their heads and closing their eyes. They could feel eachother's warm breath blow across their face, their noses touching slightly and tingling comfortably with the sensation. They brushed them together deliberately as they moved further. Their lips touched with a feathery lightness for but a second. They retreated only enough to part lips, a pleasurable tingle of electricity running through their spines for a moment, noses still touching slightly.

Butterflies in their stomachs, their eyes opened again and they looked deeply into eachother. Hands met and clasped together between them. They closed the distance again, eyes closing once more as they explored eachother's lips a little longer, applying a bit more pressure now. They parted after a while, both swallowing their sudden nerves. A deep blush crossed their faces, their pains almost forgotten, be it physical or emotional.

Finally Shinji dared speak. "You... look very pretty, Rei." Her blush deepened at the boy's praise and she looked away, unsure of how to respond to such a compliment. "T-thank you..." She whispered after a moment as she risked a short glance at his face. It seemed like the only proper response, the boy's slight smile the only proof she needed that it was.

 _Trust._ The word shot through her mind as she came to terms with the kiss they just shared. "Shinji..." She whispered. _I must tell him._ She contemplated as her red eyes broke with his blues. The brown haired boy's mind was too muddled to notice. He licked his lips and swallowed against his somewhat dry mouth, dissapointed that their moment of intimacy had passed so quickly. _I kissed Rei..._ His mind was swimming in the sudden realization. Her liquid eyes met his once more.

Their hands fell apart as Shinji released hers, putting his own on her hips gently. He stepped forward into her, making her step backwards in his grasp slightly. _I... want more._ He thought desperately as his eyes bore into hers. _And so does she._ Rei held her breath, acutely aware of the moment they were sharing, wondering if she should postpone the conversation, the one she herself had just tried initiating. Her heart stung at the realization, still drumming away in her chest at an elevated rate.

 _What is this...?_ That gut-clenching feeling again. _I_ _wish to keep this moment for myself?_ The selfishness of it, though she still did not recognize it as such consciously, left her feeling ashamed, and she broke her eyes from his. _I could... lose this forever if I told him._ Rei stayed silent, as did the young Ikari. _No... I must._ She looked up slowly to his lips, shaking in place despite the pleasant temperature of the room, despite his warmth. "Shinji... I..." Before the girl could finish he gently brought his lips to hers again. She felt overwhelmed. She wanted to tell him, but the experience was completely drowning all thought out of her mind. Words choking in her throat as he explored her lips. Her eyes fell closed and after a moment she gave in.

He stepped forward again with her in his arms. She backpeddled into the bed and their kiss broke. Shinji let Rei slip through his hands as she fell back onto the bed. She looked up, trembling slightly still, eyes wide and mouth agape. He closed in while she crawled backwards unto the bed, putting his knees on the bed and hovering over her, hands flat on the matrass by her arms as he held himself up. She swallowed, the guilty look on her face mirroring the one on his, albeit for different reasons.

He leaned down and she met his mouth halfway, her hands coming up to caress his cheeks as their intimate meeting of lips increased in passion. There was no going back anymore, she was lost. Her hands roamed his face for a moment, ending on the back of his neck as she pulled him down with her. Shinji all but collapsed into her, snaking one hand around her to the small of her back, the other between her shoulder blades. Her hands moved from his neck to his chest, drawing concentric circles for a while before moving around his back. She pulled him closer, and he did her, both pressing their bodies against eachother, not getting close enough in their minds.

Shinji drew back only a moment, both teens catching their breath in that instant, then reinvigorated his kiss. He drew his tongue slightly against her lips and she answered with hers on instinct. They rolled to their side, making Shinji wince slightly against the tinge of pain in his side, but biting through it, not caring enough to break apart. Rei pushed further, rolling him onto his back, her hips stradling his. Their bodies made their arousal known, heat brewing within them. Lips danced a heated tango, hips ground together, hands roamed over their bodies through the fabric of their clothes.

After quite some time their passion ended in contented exhaustion. Neither teen spoke as their heavy petting wound down. For a while only gentle kisses and caresses remained in exchange until finally they fell asleep in eachother's arms.

* * *

Gendo and Kozo stood face-to-face in Ikari's office. It had appeared to become a common occurance as of late, these late-night meetings. But today's was different. He had decided to face the man head on after dropping the binder off in Misato's small office. If there was anything Ikari would do about his betrayel, running wouldn't be an option. He was too old for such things in any case. So here he stood under the Commander's gaze. The man's glasses glinted in the dimmed lights as he gave him a pensive look and spoke. "Fuyutsuki... You have never held back you opinions and feelings before, why would you neglect to voice them now?"

He bit his lip as he looked at his old friend's face. There was no malice in it, though it remained stoic as always. After a moment he replied honestly. "I don't know..." The man across from him sighed, uncharacteristically for anyone that didn't know him as well as himself, then turned his side to him with his eyes on the ground. He spoke in a somewhat hushed fashion, it was unlike the man, surprising even for the grey-haired man in this case. "Why do you think I kept you around?"

"Tell me..." He had no other response for the man. He had come to expect differently from the him by now, but apparently there was some sentiment left in the otherwise cold and determined Ikari. Gendo turned to face him once again, noticing the somewhat sceptical tone in Kozo's voice. His glasses caught that same glint once again. "I do not jest, Kozo..." He paused a moment to read the old man's reaction before finishing. "...if that is what you think."

The Sub-Commander could only grunt in acceptance of the man's statement. Gendo, getting no other reply, continued. "You are a respectable man." He pocketed his hands in his jacket as he regarded the man's reaction. A slight rise of the eyebrows, a downturn of the corners of his mouth. "I respect you, if that was unclear."

Fuyutsuki supressed the surprised rise of his brows, and hardened his eyes in dissagreement of the statement. "I don't know if that's true, Gendo." He said, confirming Gendo's thoughts. The bespectacled man reaffirmed his judgement of the man as he unpocketed one of his hands and laid it against his one-time teacher's arm reassuringly. "It is..."

Kozo turned and walked away from the man's hand, which dropped to his side. Gendo's eyes narrowed at the man's rejection and followed him as he walked up to the desk. He put his hands on the surface, bending over it slightly and leaning on it for some support. He breathed a heavy breath before speaking solemnly. "Do respectable men stand idly by when circumstances demand action?"

"Perhaps they do not." Gendo replied through a contemptuous smirk. He didn't much like the man's attitude. He preferred calm and determination, not the insecurity that the grey-haired man was displaying now. He was not a weak man, he knew. He would not have had him by his side if he was. The smirk dropped. "But you have acted now, have you not?"

His shoulders shrugged before mustering a weak response. "I suppose..."

Gendo turned and stepped to close the distance between him and the man again. "It is not for appearences that I chose you to be my confidant..." He said, earning a sideways glance from the man. "Not just, anyway. Though I will not deny that you lend us credibility. Credibility that I can not provide."

Kozo knew this, the elder Ikari had told him as much years ago already. This was not going as he had expected, though what exactly he had in mind would have happened when he confronted the man remained unclear. He wanted to know why he was still around. Had he misjudged him? He had stood by the man for all this time, and only recently had doubt caught up with him. But why did Gendo allow such a threat so close to the end? Was this just another manipulation?

He took his hands from the desk and turned to face Gendo once again, straightening his pose as he asked the question that was on his mind. "Why didn't you stop me?"

"Because it would not have mattered." Gendo replied simply, pocketing the hand that had hung by his side again. Kozo tilted his head at the remark before inquiring further. "In the end it didn't, but how did you know?" The Commander smirked visibly and scoffed. "You are usually more observant, Sensei." A short and subdued laugh emanated from the man. "There was a report from section 2 providing intel on Rei's wereabouts." His head tilted, undoubtedly reveling in his somewhat surprised reaction. "So you did know she wouldn't be there..."

The smirk fell again, and a curt reply followed suit. "Correct..."

Kozo hummed in acceptance of the new information, his eyes averting from the man as he looked out the office window. He responded somewhat absentmindedly, wondering what was to follow. "And now... what will you do now?" Without waiting for a response he walked towards the window, gliding one hand over the desk until it ended underneeth his fingers and his hand dropped to his side.

Gendo responded with the man's back to him. "Nothing... if this is the path you wish to take, I will not stop you." He closed the distance between them as he stepped up next to Fuyutsuki and joined him in his gaze outside.

"Why..." Kozo asked quietly.

"Because I do not believe it will matter, and because you are my friend." He looked at the man beside him. Kozo did not return his gaze as he responded coolly. "The only one, then..."

Gendo stifled a genuine chuckle. "...Likely so..."

If it was manipulation or friendship Kozo was unsure, but he decided to speak his mind as he had always done, as he had neglected to do lately. He wasn't sure what it would entail, but he did not care. Perhaps Gendo was right and it wouldn't matter, or perhaps he was playing into his hands. "I will expose what, or rather who, caused Third Impact... all the data I have collected. I will send it out into the world."

Finally he turned to look at the bespectacled man beside him, who turned to meet his gaze for but a moment as he responded. "I see... If you wish."

"Yes... perhaps it won't matter, as you say, but I will have tried." He said finally as they stood facing eachother.

"Good..."

"And you won't stop me?" He bit the inside of his cheek, still unsure why the man accepted it all so willingly. Gendo sighed shortly before responding. "No... I am protected now, unlike in the past." His head turned to look outside again, eyes unfocussed. "As are you Kozo. There is nothing SEELE can do, not for a while at least. You should have a free hand..."

He gave his one-time student a pensive look and shook his head. "Why... Gendo... I still don't understand why..." He looked at his feet, and the space between them, biting his lip outwardly now, then back at the man as he answered. "I have no other answer to give you, Kozo... I understand that you do not trust me, but it is nonetheless..."

"So you will leave Rei alone?"

Gendo looked at him now, his eyes softened somewhat. It was a look even he was not often trusted with. "Yes... I will find another way. With her in the Major's care any... intervention would not be wise, wouldn't you agree?" It was as much as he would get, he knew. It still amazed him how rigid and definitive the man could be at one moment, yet flexible and adaptive when the situation called for it at another.

He let that thought roll around in his head for a moment as he regained some of the admiration he had felt for the man in the past, but none of the trust. "I suppose it would... raise eyebrows." There it was; that old dynamic between them. To know eachother's motives, and to stand together despite differences of opinion. "Though I understand you're no less resolved?" He inquired finally, hoping to concretize his understanding of the man once again.

"No..."

 _The truth._ It was what he wanted to hear from the man. They understood eachother. "Just... think of what Yui might feel about this." Gendo looked him straight in the eyes through tinted glasses and replied simply. "I will take that chance..."

Kozo sighed. "Very well... I'll take my leave then." He turned on his heel and walked off towards the door. He looked at the elder Ikari once more, the man in question moving slowly, hands in pockets, towards the hardwood desk sat centered in the office. He hummed in acceptance as he stepped out the door.

The office remained quiet for a while. Gendo stood over the desk, looking at his reflection in the polished wood. A small smirk formed on his face as he continued his stride, moving around the desk as he fingered a button and unlocked the drawer embedded in the side. He slid it open to reveal the picture of Yui once more. He left it open, his hands moving to his uniform jacket once more and grasped what lay within its' pocket.

He carefully removed a small box from it and flipped open the lid to reveal Adam laying within. The bakalite container it was held in before had been discarded, and the small embryo lay exposed, pulsing rhythmically from its' tiny heart's efforts. It had grown somewhat since its' removal, the Commander noted absentmindedly. He picked the small lifeform up by its' vestigial tail and held it before his bespectacled eyes. His smirk widened and he bared his teeth as he muttered under his breath. "Time to speed the clock along." With a single and swift move he swallowed the creature whole.

* * *

Author's notes: So... hope you all liked it. I had planned to let more time pass during this chapter, but I ended up keeping with the current pace. It just seems right and gives me a chance to develop things thuroughly. I'm pretty pleased with the interactions between Misato, Rei, and Shinji. They were the parts that I was having some trouble with when I started out.

The characters really needed to connect more strongly to move the story on believably. I hope you agree that I succeeded in bonding them stronger together while leaving room for the obvious traps and pitfalls that lie ahead (this shouldn't be a spoiler to anyone familiar with the anime or mangas).

Also, there isn't much time inbetween the Angel that mindrapes Asuka, and the next in the mangas, so I guess I'm keeping rather well to the original timeframe. There isn't that much else I have planned within that time which requires dedicated chapters without moving forward in the original 'timetable' of the Evangelion universe, so you can expect to get more action in the next chapter or possibly the one after that.

 **Gambling Willie, antenesis, and asqwerty3345:** I hope you don't mind me mentioning you all in the same breath. Thank you for your short but encouraging reviews! It feels good to know that people like what I've done so far. Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter as well!

Thank you all for reading. Don't forget to leave a review if you can, and my request for a pre-reader still stands! See you next time!


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